Thread: 20 years old and sex doesnt apeal to me at all.... help?

Originally Posted by EdenRain

also about childhood could sexual abuse be cause of scaring, and not being able to feel, for him to give me and orgasm? or would that also be a mental issue to get over?

Yes sexual abuse can affect you sex life as an adult. It causes emotional scars that affect the way you precive sex. If you have been abused you may want to seek counciling. You may even be able to find an organsation within your community that offers this service for free. I copied this off a website, not my words.

Sexually abused women can feel that all sex is bad, so we struggle with healthy, normal sexual relationships. Sometimes this can go as far as completely switching off our sexual feelings, even when we try to have a sexual relationship. We see the feelings of arousal as dangerous because, if we allow our natural feelings to develop, we will not be able to control them, inviting more abuse. Sexual abuse also creates confusion about touch because it is the wrong kind of touch. It creates a fear of physical contact, which is very destructive for human beings as we are naturally tactile. Touch is essential to our lives. It is the most common form of expressing how we feel about a wide range of emotions. We touch people to express care, sympathy, congratulations, joy, happiness, concern, and, of course, love. It is such an important part of the human condition that to be denied our need to touch or be touched is very harmful.

Sexual abuse takes away our ability to make choices, creating a deep sense of powerlessness, which drives us to avoid any situation which makes us feel so isolated and vulnerable. The most common way this manifests itself, in both men and women who have experienced sexual abuse, is to develop a strong need to always be in control, regardless of the context. Such behaviour can quickly become our 'default' mode, which leads to serious problems in the way we interact with other people. We are seen as pushy, demanding, and selfish, whereas all we are really trying to do is protect ourselves - but no one sees it like that.

Ambivalence is when you are introduced to two experiences at the same time that contradict each other. These are usually experiences that were never meant to be associated with each other. Sexual abuse predominantly occurs within established relationships, such as within a family. When it happens, we experience two contradictory feelings - love and fear, causing us to associate all love and affection with fear, making us grow into adults who are always suspicious of love and affection.

Children are not meant to experience sex. They are not ready or mature enough to understand sexual feelings - their brains simply cannot process the signals generated in their bodies by sexual stimulation, although their bodies are still able to physically feel that stimulation.