Thread: No sex in the marriage any more...advice?

Originally Posted by oxy-moron

Hi
The extra jobs around the house thing doesnt stack up with me- I had been doing a lot of stuff around the house since we started out. Many many years of housework and still got the ice maiden.
Instead of doing more jobs try more safe physical contact- stokes -massages - casual cuddles. Make sure they dont lead to sex or look like they are leading to sex.
When she vamps up- Make the sex less goal oriented.
Make it slow and with lots of physical contact. See how you feel about her after that. All of this will be manipulating yours and her mammalian circuitry.
You will become more amorous towards her and she will change her behaviour to you.
If you are doing it right the communication levels will be boosted naturally because you will be more interested in each other. You will start making better eye contact with her. I know you would think this would not work- but it does. But it does take time.

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I can now vouch for Oxy's ideas. I have gone for a more "direct" route of talking to her more, stopping and just listening to her more, more eye contact, daring to do more massages (which as yet havent been shrugged off) and in fact end up with quite passionate embraces. We feel closer than ever and gone from sex once or twice every 6-8 weeks to whenever possible (6 times in 1 week at 1 point) and have even gone back to a situation we had when we 1st met, ie she arouses me even though she is on her period, even though we cant have full sex and last night she gave me a fantastic BJ - out of this world!!
So, be tactile, listen to her more, eye contact and bingo, back to a great relationship!!

Best advice I can give you - print out and read How to Please a Woman by Pam Babbitt. Stop hounding her for sex, start putting your heart into the love part and the "making love" will come back. My wife wanted a divorce a month ago and now we are getting along better, but still she thinks I'm after sex when in fact I'm after a great love making session. Help more around the house, make the bed, help her out. It helps her have time to herself and helps relax her. Don't even mention anything about sex at all. Let her know sex isn't what you want, you want your wife back. When you go to bed, don't mention sex at all, women hate being hounded about it and resent you for keeping it up. Kiss her goodnight and go to sleep. Before long, she will see that you are helping her out and not begging her for sex. THAT my friend will open her eyes. Keep up all the things you do for her and don't mention sex at all. Before long she will come to you for it. Tell her you don't want to unless she really wants you and stick to that. Kiss her like she wants to be kissed and hold her like she wants to be held without any expectations. It might take some effort to work on all of this, but it will all be worth it. Do something that she will appreciate, watch the kids while she goes to get her hair and nails done. Send her to a spa with a gift card, anything to let her know you care about her comfort and appreciate all she does for the family. I'd bet things turn around in a hurry. Most importantly, READ THAT BOOK!!! It's only 51 pages and I read it in 2 nights. I continue to read it.
My wife and I got down to sex 1-2 times a year. 10 days or a month is nothing, just let her dictate when and how. Let her know you genuinely care by doing something that she normally hates to do and always does because no one else will. I'll do dishes, vacuum, clean the toilets and go grocery shopping, no problem. Because I know it means a lot to her and it puts her at ease and women at ease are happy. And Happy = Horny!!! Us guys just haven't figured this out yet. Make her happy and she will make you happy. Just don't mention it again and help her to be happy. In the end... you will only make yourself happy. Just don't do it to make her horny, it will backfire on you. Do it to make her genuinely happy and see how she responds.

Originally Posted by MarkT

Best advice I can give you - print out and read How to Please a Woman by Pam Babbitt. Stop hounding her for sex, start putting your heart into the love part and the "making love" will come back. My wife wanted a divorce a month ago and now we are getting along better, but still she thinks I'm after sex when in fact I'm after a great love making session. Help more around the house, make the bed, help her out. It helps her have time to herself and helps relax her. Don't even mention anything about sex at all. Let her know sex isn't what you want, you want your wife back. When you go to bed, don't mention sex at all, women hate being hounded about it and resent you for keeping it up. Kiss her goodnight and go to sleep. Before long, she will see that you are helping her out and not begging her for sex. THAT my friend will open her eyes. Keep up all the things you do for her and don't mention sex at all. Before long she will come to you for it. Tell her you don't want to unless she really wants you and stick to that. Kiss her like she wants to be kissed and hold her like she wants to be held without any expectations. It might take some effort to work on all of this, but it will all be worth it. Do something that she will appreciate, watch the kids while she goes to get her hair and nails done. Send her to a spa with a gift card, anything to let her know you care about her comfort and appreciate all she does for the family. I'd bet things turn around in a hurry. Most importantly, READ THAT BOOK!!! It's only 51 pages and I read it in 2 nights. I continue to read it.
My wife and I got down to sex 1-2 times a year. 10 days or a month is nothing, just let her dictate when and how. Let her know you genuinely care by doing something that she normally hates to do and always does because no one else will. I'll do dishes, vacuum, clean the toilets and go grocery shopping, no problem. Because I know it means a lot to her and it puts her at ease and women at ease are happy. And Happy = Horny!!! Us guys just haven't figured this out yet. Make her happy and she will make you happy. Just don't mention it again and help her to be happy. In the end... you will only make yourself happy. Just don't do it to make her horny, it will backfire on you. Do it to make her genuinely happy and see how she responds.

This doesn't always work, I've been there for YEARS and it didn't work, she just took being treated like a queen as her due. This mas work if you have been neglecting your lady, so it's worth a try. I must say it's very subservient behavior, I don't know a lot of men or women who would do this long term. Cancelling helped us to set some fair and reasonable expectations on both sides, it's a team effort. If she's not happy and you wont change, or if you're not happy and she wont change, then pull the big yellow handles and eject now. Next time you might find a better match. Good luck.

Originally Posted by Count Zero

This doesn't always work, I've been there for YEARS and it didn't work, she just took being treated like a queen as her due. This mas work if you have been neglecting your lady, so it's worth a try. I must say it's very subservient behavior, I don't know a lot of men or women who would do this long term. Cancelling helped us to set some fair and reasonable expectations on both sides, it's a team effort. If she's not happy and you wont change, or if you're not happy and she wont change, then pull the big yellow handles and eject now. Next time you might find a better match. Good luck.

Yeah I totally agree with your comment and I hope he is successful.

I feel what will we do must fit and be happy for the result can be a maximum.

I very sorry any 2 replay....