boyfriend says I'm bad at it

**Lovingyoo** · 06-30-2010 12:10 PM

I been with my boyfriend for a year and half now. He is more experienced than what I am. However, he is the only guy I have ever had sex with. The first time we had sex, it was great. A couple days later he broke up with me [just to get back together again in a week], but that made me self-conscious about having sex with him. After a while, he started wanting me to be more aggressive on how to start it and wanting more things like oral sex. However, when I do give him these things, he tells me I'm bad at it. Which makes me even more self-conscious about having sex with him.

What should I do? I'm at a complete stand still. I'm human just like everyone else and wants sex, but how can I have sex with someone who tells me I'm bad at it.

**LanaBear** · 06-30-2010 12:17 PM

Move on... Nobody should have to suffer the humiliation (apparently repeatedly) of being told they are bad at sex because that is not something I don't think you'd be able to get over easily. IMO, that is just rude and inconsiderate. If he can't take the time to guide you and teach you, then he is not worth the time to improve for. If he thinks you are bad, it is a product of his own faults.

Leave and find someone else who will be able to cherish you and teach you. Someone who can open the doors of sexuality for you, not close them in your face.

**ocularone** · 06-30-2010 12:35 PM

Sounds like you have found yourself a real winner. Like Lana said, move on. No sense in degrading yourself anymore with this obvious loser. I would suggest you go and find yourself a man and not a boy.

**LanaBear** · 06-30-2010 12:40 PM

Originally Posted by ocularone

I would suggest you go and find yourself a man and not a boy.

That pretty much sums it up!

**Joey** · 06-30-2010 12:40 PM

Total agree with Ocularone and Lana. This guy doesnt resepct you or your feelings in the slightest. life is waaay to short to be spending it with this douche bag.

**WildChild** · 06-30-2010 01:15 PM

Sounds like he suffers fron the Madonna complex (the corruption of the Goddess, not the singer). You suffer from having a jerk in your life. So instead of playfully and lovingly helping you to discover the wonders of sex, he wants the virgin Ho?
You can't do much about what he suffers from but you can end your suffering. Kiss him goodbye and find a man who wants to see a woman blossom.

**SaharaJim** · 06-30-2010 02:01 PM

What they said. Not to be harsh but IF you are "bad" at some aspect of the sexual relation then you had a BAD TEACHER- him. Don't "assume" that he is correct about it either. What is being suggested here is that you will learn ; and each partner will have to share and teach what works for them and YOU. Sounds like it has been "good" for you but I somehow doubt that that is because he is making any great effort to make it that way for you. Now perhaps he can be salvaged; but only IF you really want to. If that is the case tell him that you don't read minds...he is going to have to communicate what it is he needs and wants ..and saying you are "bad' tells you nothing other than he isn't even trying to help you know what it is he "needs'. If he is young then maybe he can learn and grow- IF you want to be more of a teacher than he obviously has been for you.

**PandaPaws** · 06-30-2010 02:13 PM

Wow, that is just rude and insensitive for him to say that. I mean, my gosh, who IS "good" their first time? You're learning! He should be more than happy to teach you how he likes it. There's a point to that too - every person is different and likes things in different ways, so there is always a learning curve with each partner. Whether you were experienced or not, he can't expect you to just "know" how he likes it, he has to show and tell you that. If he's not willing, then yes, move on. It definitely would make it hard to feel comfortable being intimate with someone when they flat out tell you you're "bad" at it.

**RosePetal** · 06-30-2010 02:24 PM

No partner should tell the other they are bad at sex or a particular aspect - that is rude and insesnstive and can really knock you down and mostly hurt you. Sex is about getting close to someone you care about and key part is communication by letting each other know what you like. He doesnt seem to talk to you in the manner he should - i would suggest you think long and hard if you can put up with this, but he seems very immature to make such remarks xxx

**Hopeless Dork** · 06-30-2010 02:26 PM

Originally Posted by Lovingyoo

What should I do? I'm at a complete stand still. I'm human just like everyone else and wants sex, but how can I have sex with someone who tells me I'm bad at it.

To be honest... I think you are just having sex with the wrong guy. He broke up with you for no reason, he tells you that you are bad at sex... when it sounds like you are willing to do things he likes if he would just guide you and give you more reassurance rather than tear you down for trying.

He's either really really simple, or just doesn't care about your feelings... either way he seems to not realize how hurtful what he says is... and for being 'experienced' he doesn't seem to realize that he's only hurting his chances of the sex being more to his liking by making you feel bad about it.

Apart from the sex, are you happy in this relationship? Does he make you feel good about yourself in other ways? Is he loving ? Does he make you feel special?