Thread: Not happening!! Help!!

I have been with my partner now for four months and i really couldnt imaginnot being with him hes the nicest bloke i have ever been with and everything is perfect....... apart from this.....!!

The first time i stayed over his we were laying on the bed kissing and fumbling around as you do.. anyway we lost the clothes and started playing with eachother he started to go hard then it all stopped he got really concious and turned over with the hump and went to sleep.
I really didnt know how to take it as i had never been in that situation before, i decided that the best thing to do is talk to him, so the next day we went for a walk and i brought it all up, first of all he didnt want to talk about it but after reassurance he opened up.
He told me that he had only had four partners (hes 27 im 23) and that they had all left him coz of the problem and not helped him with it he said he wants to get fully erect but cant do it.

The other thing is that i will start to give him a blow job and toss him off and ill do it for a while then e just takes over and makes himself cum, same as if he manages to get it hard and i go on top to have sex we will do it for a little while then he finishes himself off im getting so annoyed with it.....

all i want is to make love with the bloke i love with all my heart...PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!

Sounds like your guy has no faith in his previous partners/women in general. He's frightened that they will leave him if he can't stand erect for long enough. This causes anxiety and then more problems with erection. It becomes a vicious circle. If you really like this guy then you can help a lot. Firstly take all pressure off him to be erect. Take time sitting with him naked and stroke all other parts of his body. He will become aroused and you can see how long he can keep it up. Occasionally touch his penis and stroke it but then go back to the other parts of the body. Ask him to stop masturbating if he can so that a nice pressure can build up over several days.Tell him you would like to relieve him from now on. He needs to let the control of erection/ejaculation pass to you. You will require a lot of patience but he could just be worth it and you could end up having a wonderful relationship. The others here will add to what I've said I'm sure. Best of luck x

thank you for replying it means alot to me...
what you saying is very good... thing is when hes masterbating he gets me to stroke his balls and the inside of his legs becuse this arouses him i have tried to push his hand away so i can do it for him but he just pushes me back off and satisfys himself i will do everything i can to help him and make it work but he seem so stuck in his ways thats all hes going to do.

i just want him to make love to me ..... i know i sound selfish but i will wiat as long as it takes and work on it but i am finding this compleatly out of my comfort zone!!x

It's strange because there's no way I'd do it myself if I had a female partner willing to do it for me. I think a man should only ejaculate by touch of a female. That doesn't mean that masturbation is wrong, far from it. Some people have no choice. Anyway stick with it if you can. He's in a rut where he only trusts himself. It may take time but you have to make the choice to help him or not.

i have tried to speak to him about it but when i do he just gets really touchy and just tried to change the subject or he just compleatly gets the hump and gos off or goes to sleep i feel really isolated... i really want to satify him and make things really nice for us both.
A few nights ago i was giving him a blow job and he told me stop i asked him what was wrong and he said it felt to sensitive, i said to him that that was a good thing and go with it but he got upset that i was pressuring him and turned away from me i told him to not be silly and to tried to get him to carry on as we normally woruld but he had none of it and basiclly wouldnt even try!! :-( x

Sounds like he'd rather do for himself. If that's so, you're never going to find this "relationship" very satisfying.

He has some sort of hangup - very difficult to know what caused it. (he might even have been molested as a child). He is probably too touchy to suggest that he seek counseling. Maybe you can work with him - if he lets you help when he masturbates, and gradually lets you do everything.

If he isn't able to see help though, there isn't much you can do.