Thread: Odd sex life for a newly married couple

WildChild is right; he -can- learn to last longer. If he can't, there's probably a medical reason. Does he masturbate at all? If he does, there are several "techniques" guys can use while masturbating which can increase stamina.

Look for some tips and tricks for yourself, too. Weight gain or not, he probably still finds you sexy and if you take interest in your sex life together it can help rekindle the flames. Find things you can do (massaging him, undressing each other, touching yourself in front of him, whatever you like) that can give you both pleasure without the direct or intense stimulation of intercourse. Foreplay's always fun and might help him last a little longer although you should be prepared for him to have pretty quick responses the first couple of times.

I wouldn't worry about him lasting longer yet. Show him other nice things he can do for you with hands, tongue or anything else you can imagine- take the pressure off of of his lasting longer. I think it will improve with time. (stress makes most sexual problems worse). I'm assuming here that he is willing to do things to please you. Since you are the more experienced, you may need to make an effort to do lots of nice things for him so he enjoys sex more.

50 pounds in 3 years is a lot (assuming you were a normal weight to start). For your own sake you would do well to lose some - you will feel better and more energetic.

I think there is a LOT you can do to improve this situation.

You are miles ahead of the game because you want to have more frequent more fulfilling sex with your husband because chances are he wishes he could too.

Since your husband had very little sexual experience before he married you, he doesn't know how to do it any differently. He finishes in 3-4 minutes because that's what his body naturally does. He doesn't just start lasting longer over time all on his own.

Your body works differently from his body. He knows how his body works. He doesn't know how your body works.

Chances are that he knows he's not really satisfying you sexually when you have sex, which makes him feel a little bit selfish, like if every time you suggest that the two of you go out for pizza, he eats a slice and you go home hungry. So, he probably let's you set the pace and responds only if you initiate, even though he'd like to have sex more often.

You are way ahead of the game in the sense that you want to have more frequent more satisfying sex with your husband. Every husband wants, no fantasizes about having a wife who wants to have more and better sex.

First of all, your body is sexy to your husband. The fact that you want to have sex with him is a turnon. Forget the extra pounds. The sexiest thing that makes your body sexy to your husband is the fact that you want to use your body to have sex with him.

You would like your husband to turn you on and really satisfy you sexually. You are hoping that over time he will gradually figure out how to do that.

That's not the way it works.

A word about him. One of his biggest turnons is getting you turned on. He wants nothing more than to give you that ultimate sexual satisfaction that you're dreaming of and then some. The trouble is that he hasn't a clue what to do differently. No guy does. Your husband, like all the other husbands in the world, is going to learn to be a great lover because you're going to show him.

To start off, I mean that literally. If you are thinking to explain this to him in sentences that begin with, "I want you to make me feel..." then you are about eleven shades too abstract for how concrete you need to be to make progress. Think, "do this" "do that" and "ooh that's good, a little bit more of that, but slower". Imagine you are trying to masturbate except you're not using your hands, you're using your husband's hands that operate sort of like a computer that understands simple voice commands.

If you guide him to turn you on and give you pleasure and give him the "ooh yes" when he does something good, that's the juice. If you guide him all the way to giving you an orgasm like he never does when he does his usual 3-4 minutes, you would not believe how close attention he is going to be paying. He will be learning more than he ever did before about how to give you pleasure and he would do anything to make you coo, moan and squeal like that again.

If you think, okay once or twice ought to do it, now he can operate on his own, that's not going to do it. You didn't marry a man who'd already had sex a hundred times before he met you.

You are the one who set's the pace now for sex. If you initiate sex more often, you will have sex more often.

As far as him lasting longer, if he hasn't had sex in 2 weeks, he's not going to last much more than his usual 3-4 minutes of full-out sex. In order for him not to get ahead of you and finish before you do, you will either need to ensure that you get a big head start before he gets out of the gate, or you could try giving him a quick orgasm first and then start the real love-making when he's just able to have an erection again. He's not going to be done if 4 minutes if he just had an orgasm 10 minutes ago.

Finally, you've always got to give him the juice when he does something that makes you feel real good. If he's getting, "Oh yes, a little more there. Mmmmm. Ahhhh. Now a little bit of that. A little slower. Yeah." then he's going to be over the moon, and hopefully soon you will be too. On the other hand, if it's like, "No! Not here, HERE! Ow! No, ! Yes, there! Finally. Yes. No, now it just feels like you're poking me." That's crushing him.

Well see thats the thing, We've been together for 4 years now.. its not like sex with me is new to him lol I know what he likes and he knows what i like..and I'm always trying to do things for him to make him happy and because I know it gets him going.. even tho it doesnt always do it for me.. in fact.. other then sex.. he really isnt into doin anything else to try and get me off cuz hes not into.. so im the one whos always trying to help him get off.. meanwhile i havent gotten off in like over 3 years lol I'm really patient with him, because i didnt marry him for the sex, i love him no matter what... but I must actually say that we've been doing it more latley.. but im not sure why.. I've always been the nympho between the two of us and occasionally he is too.. but truth be told hes the one that would rather sit and cuddle (which i love too) but its easy for him to not be in the mood for sex when he finishes every time we have sex.. and i dont lol.. When he's not in the mood i try not to pressure him cuz i dont want him to have sex just to make me happy.. i want him to want it too...I've tried diff techniques and they all went well.. ive told him that i was up to try whatever new things he wanted to try.. but hes more uncomfortable with trying new things, so we tend to stick to what works. As far as the weight gain.. its starting to come off quick(mainly from stress) and the weight that i still have is mainly in my boobs.. which for him is good cuz hes a big chest guy.. so I've pretty muich gone from a 34B (when we first met) to a 34D now.. so as far as that goes.. hes happy lol... To respond to another comment... he does masturbate....i encourage him too all the time..i tell him ill watch porn with him and buy him new dvds if he wants.. lol but he doesnt always do it daily.. sometimes he works long days that he just wants to sleep when he comes home (i dont blame him) but on days that hes off I'd say he does it atleast once or twice. so far things seem to be heading in the right direction..I just wish I knew what I'm doing differently to make things come around lol I guess i am being a little more flirtatious with him these days? and other days being a lil more assertive.. which seems to get his attention too.. but well see how long this lasts.. thanks for the feedback everyone!

Oh and I always try to give him positive feedback.. and I'm really in the dirty talk so normally i would love to say all that.. but he's not into the dirtytalk.. so other then the moans and screams (which im just typically loud anyway) thats the only noise ya hear.. i would never tell him outward.. "hunny" u stink, u dont know what ur doing! Thats not the spot!" I would never wanna kill his self esteem.. plus i would be crushed if he ever said that to me, so i would never do it to him. )