bf wants anal sex. i am really afraid

**ayushi** · 07-12-2010 04:07 PM

i was just 17 and did not want to give in for vaginal sex. so he asked me if we could go for anal sex.i said yes but it was a really bad experience. i could not take him(he has a real large size) and i had a small cut or something and i started to bleed and had to go to the doctor the next day.. now he wants to go for anal again.. i dont know what to do. i am really afraid. how to prevent any bleeding again . and even if it does not bleed this time i dont know if i will be able to take it or not. the pain goes unbearable..please help..!

**SaharaJim** · 07-12-2010 04:19 PM

Perhaps you and 'boyfriend" need to reconsider. He needs to know that if he "pushes" you into sex too quickly that it will be "bad" for you and most probably him as well. You should not do ANYTHING you do not want to. Anal can be very enjoyable for both parties if you take it very slow use lots (tons) of lubricant and work slowly. Where the lady has been hurt by this in the past it will be even more difficult to relax enough for it to be pleasurable. He must realize that he is also to blame for this additional hurdle that has been created. There are many good threads on anal sex- take time and read them. there are also many good threads on beginning sexual intercourse and some of the very important considerations nvolved...like birth control, protection from desease, and there are many emotional considerations. That being said SEX IS WONDERFUL. But go slow ...read...maybe get him to read with you. Best of Luck. ENJOY.

**eleni** · 07-12-2010 08:09 PM

good grief.
he sounds like a complete git.

tell him to **** off.
why did you give in for anal sex?
that isnt even enjoyable for most women.
also of course it hurts. things are not supposed to go up there.

why is he pressuring you into it anyway?

honestly, i would reconsider the relationship.
it sounds like he doesnt respect you in the slightest.

**Mes T** · 07-12-2010 08:13 PM

Okay. Vaginal sex, anal sex, whichever SEX it might be is NOT about the girl submitting to pain and sorrow while the guy gets to have a good time and ejaculate. OKAY?

Get a different boyfriend.

You had to go to the HOSPITAL and he wants to do it again?

Let him loose on a different girl, maybe someone who will smack him around a little bit and get his senses in order, and find yourself a nice boy who will wait for you to be ready to be sexually intimate.

Tears in the anus can be VERY serious.

**jns** · 07-12-2010 09:38 PM

You need a new boyfriend. This one is not concerned about you to the degree he should be and does not know enough about sex to make sure you have a good time. He is way too rough.

**rcoreyus** · 07-12-2010 10:03 PM

It wasn't clear from the original post that he was uncaring. If she didn't tell him to stop, he may not have known he was hurting her. Lots of men AND women enjoy anal sex - but it needs to be done very carefully and slowly and with lots of lube.

If she is 17, I'm assuming he is a similar age and probably very inexperienced as well.

Of course if she did tell him to stop and he didn't - thats a whole different problem.

**jns** · 07-13-2010 12:15 AM

Originally Posted by ayushi

i could not take him(he has a real large size) and i had a small cut or something and i started to bleed and had to go to the doctor the next day.. now he wants to go for anal again..(

I don't buy ignorance as an excuse. If you don't want to hurt someone, get educated and ask that person if everything is fine. Also observe their reactions closely. Anal has a lot of problems in application and I doubt anyone who likes it will say it is OK with a partner who doesn't find out how they are doing and with a partner who doesn't want to do vaginal sex with them at 17.

If you were in prison and this big dude insisted on doing you anally, but you knew not to protest, would it not still be rape? I am not saying this is rape, but you have to be able to judge your partner, even if you are not getting verbal feedback. If you don't, and you hurt that person, how are you so innocent? Then to ask to do the same thing again shortly thereafter? I'm sure people will correct me if I am wrong about this. Maybe she is afraid to speak up as it may damage their relationship.

**kygirl** · 07-13-2010 08:03 AM

Just tell him no. Explain to him how painful it was and that even if you can make it enjoyable that you are not ready to try that again....How long ago was the first time? You may want to try it again some day but just tell him you're not ready. If he doesn't understand, then you get a new boyfriend. He has to be sensitive to what is happening to you as well.

Is there a reason that you will let him do anal but not vaginal (Of course other than pregnancy?) I feel like that would be way less painful...

**ayushi** · 07-13-2010 08:30 AM

no..he did stop the very moment when i said i cant take it..he was the one who insisted to visit a doctor .. but yes it is not even a month and he is again asking for the anal sex..i totally hate this thing..he is really a loving boyfriend otherwise.. i said no to anal when he asked me again..and he did not ask for it after that day..but i am pretty sure he will come up with the same demand again.. i believe just after i agree to give in for vaginal..the next demand will again be anal..

**ayushi** · 07-13-2010 08:34 AM

yes it was because i did not find myself ready for vaginal this early.. i dont know why but i wanted to wait for sex.. his demands were increasing so i decided to go for anal (risk of pregnancy was the reason).. otherwise...i really want to wait for an year or two to have sex..