Did I do something morally wrong? need some advice from other women

**Mysterious_Angela** · 07-15-2010 09:40 PM

I was going to visit my freind but she wasn't home but her son(Ricky) was home so he made me a cup of coffee and we were just talking about family, current events etc..

Then out of the blue he told me I had a nice Butt and 5 minutes later we're on his bed doing the deed.. He's only 18 and I feel I took advantage of his hormones.. he didn't seem to mind and to be honest it was the best sex ive had in ages..

I havn't really hurt anyone because I dont have a Boyfreind and he dosn't have a Girlfreind.. but did I do something wrong here?

He said he wont tell his mother but he really wants us to get together again.. should I? I know I want to but is it the right thing to do?

**WildChild** · 07-15-2010 11:07 PM

Well if he is legal, you're OK on that point. Was it was wise? His parents may not think so.

**rcoreyus** · 07-15-2010 11:18 PM

Not illegal. Not immoral (in my opinion). It could lead to lots of confused unhappy feelings though. With such an age difference you are likely to see things differently.

**jns** · 07-15-2010 11:30 PM

Your friend won't see anything good about this. His hormones had him point out your butt, but for things to happen in 5 minutes means that you wanted this, too. Of course he wants it again. Again, do you want to get rid of this friendship? I feel it is doomed anyway because it will probably come out. Did you use some sort of protection?

**stressed** · 07-16-2010 12:10 AM

Hmmm how would you feel if your friend had sex with your son? Or your daughter? I think society is more acceptable of women in these situations than men. Also, I don't see why we have to blame the 18 year old's hormones and not the hormones of both of you. You could have said no, but you also wanted this as much as he did, if not more.

Anyway, this is an awkward situation for both of you in which you, as the older one, was supposed to have under control for the sake of your friendship. It's not the end of the world that your sex drive won over your sense of friendship, but having a relationship with him will do more harm than good. I think that the most harm can be done to him as it can give him a false idea about how relationships can be (as I doubt this can turn into a serious relationship since you don't seem to want that).

Neither of you is cheating but if you see him again you will clearly be involved in a relationship without a future. Is this worth losing your friendship over? Although, as jns said, the friendship has already been damaged as he might want to brag about it one day and your are bound to meet him again at some point. How about going to his wedding 10 years later as a family friend. And other examples like those.

There's obviously sexual attraction between you two, so if you're asking what's the "morally right thing to do" I'd have to say it's to cut down on the contact you have with your friend. Anything else would just be too risky and too complicated for everyone involved.

**Thomas Hepburn** · 07-16-2010 12:40 AM

I agree with everything Stressed has said. It wasn't wrong as such, but is now very uncomfortable for you both. He may think you are easy as well, giving him the (wrong) idea that all girls/women are. Back off I suggest and tell him (gently) it was a mistake and it can't happen again, unless of course you plan to run away with him?

**Hopeless Dork** · 07-16-2010 03:41 AM

He's an adult... I don't think you took advantage of him, if anything... he may have taken advantage of you. If he gave you a few compliments and that was all you needed to sleep with him -- perhaps you were a bit vulnerable/ in need of attention and maybe he recognized that and figured he could get sex out of the situation.

Moral is up to the individual. How do you feel inside? Do you feel guilt or remorse? Or do you feel happy with your choice? I think you posting here shows you are not too okay with what happened. So with that assumption I'd reccomend stopping the sexual relationship.

It has no where to go, he is 18. He's not going to get in a relationship with his moms friend. At best you will be secret friends with benefits and given the age difference... it'd likely be more benefits based than friendship as I can't imagine you'd have heaps in common. Like could you imagine yourself going out with him and his friends... what they would say, think... etc..

A lot of more mature men have no problem dating severely younger (legal) women. I see personal ads of guys in their 50's looking for females 18 plus. But althoughtheir are women that prefer to date younger men... most mature 35+ don't really have too much interest in 18/19 year old guys... since a lot of women are looking for an intellectual match and finding one in that age group would be really unlikely.

With the whole 'cougar' phenomenon... you have to take into consideration that a lot of young men are hitting on 'milf'ish women much more often as the word is cougars are great sex, not clingy,, pay their own way etc etc -- easy, basically

Not saying you are, saying you don't want to lower your standards for good sex. You really don't. So given that this relationship likely won't bloom, you don't have much to worry about with the mom unless either of you want to unburdeon your secret. She likely would not be supportive of you dating him, or of any woman her age dating her son.

You are human, things happen... he's of age, you both consented, you said you enjoyed yourself... it sounds like he did too. It was a mistake, but not a BP level disaster.

Maybe take a time out from visiting your friend at HER house... perhaps try dating other guys to help you get back out there enjoying yourself with men more on your level.

**Mysterious_Angela** · 07-16-2010 07:44 PM

I had a talk with him and he understands.. he was very apologetic, he said to me he's had a crush on me since he was 15, he said he wanted to boost my confidence so he complimented me on my looks and he couldn't control himself when I came onto him after he complimented me.

But I still want to have sex with him.. it felt so good before.. I guess I need to go away for abit.. clear my head.

**Texasred** · 07-17-2010 12:21 AM

Angela, you said that Ricky is 18, but it's not clear from your post how old you are: are you about the same age as your friend, Ricky's mother, or are you by chance somewhat younger? Closer to Ricky's age?
If so, it's a lot more understandable that he'd have a crush on you.
Now, as several others have said, you know this "relationship" is very unlikely to have much of a future - nor is your friendship with his mom! - but it is possible for you to see him again if you were very careful and established some very definite groundrules: for starters, Never EVER mentioning this to any of his friends, who would tell THEIR parents so fast your head would spin.

**Allie602** · 07-17-2010 01:53 PM

Not illegal, moral- does a break in trust count as a moral transgression. Sex with the 18 yo child of a friend who now has to lie to his parents, the people responsible for looking after his welfare. If I were the friend you came to visit, we would cease being friends. I hope this does not sound judgemental but think about things in the wider context, he is too young and horny to see a down side to this but as he matures he will remember that you were willing to be deceptive and make him decieve his parents to have sex. He may not look back on this episode as a possitive one as he gets older.Think of things from the viewpoint of an adult who has lived and knows about consequences.