Was it really sexually assault or just my fault?

**collegegirl2010** · 07-17-2010 05:33 PM

Okay this is what happened, the guy was about 16 or 17 if not 18 yet...This guy fingered my vagina, but I didn't really want him too...I'm now 17 and this happened when I was 13...We were on a bus and this guy undid my pants and fingered me. I didn't want it to happen, but I was too scared to stop him...Okay...the day before it happened, I got on the bus and he sat on the seat next to me and he started to feel on me in unwanted ways...he'd touched my breast, then he'd move his hand down to my vagina and starts to feel me through my pants, he attempted to do it that day but I don't know why maybe because someone else was watching...and when I got off the bus I felt so violated...then the next day, the day that it happened, I tried moving away when he tried to kiss me but he continued to undo my pants,and when I got off the bus I felt violated and really dirty...And he also tried to get me to touch his genitals through his pants, and it made me feel really uncomfortable...While assaulting me, he goes "does it hurt?" and I nervously shook my head 'Yes', then he replies "No it doesn't you're already open"...

I don't know why but I still feel guilty

I feel like I could have stopped him instead of freezing up and being all scared...

was it really assault or just my fault all together?

**jns** · 07-17-2010 05:59 PM

It was not your fault. It was sexual assault on a minor. He should have went to jail or at a minimum juvenile detention.

**PJhavinfunagain** · 07-17-2010 06:08 PM

Yup Assault! You were 13!!! Being too scared to stop it does not make it your fault. Never be afraid to say NO!

**SaharaJim** · 07-17-2010 06:49 PM

This creep should have been reported to the police. Was it an assault--oh you betcha it was. And he is probably still doing things like this. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!

**Magnetism** · 07-17-2010 07:44 PM

I'm so sorry you had to endure that. Yes, it was sexual assault and it's not your fault for freezing.

People "freeze" in traumatic situations. We can't always think clearly in the moment. It's like a mugger holding a gun to your head asking for your wallet. People don't want to give their money to the mugger, but they do it out of shock and fear.

You were only 13. Just a kid. And, he was an older person taking advantage of you. Even though 16 or 17 isn't "18", he was the person in power in this situation. There's a huge difference between a 13 year old and a 16 year old, if you ask me.

I hope you have somebody safe and understanding to talk to about this.

**WildChild** · 07-17-2010 07:46 PM

Totally out of line on his part. You were not to blame at all, how would you know what to do.

**Olympia** · 07-17-2010 07:55 PM

You, absolutely.....Did NOT... bring this on!!
Try not to carry this burden upon yourself. It can be a terrible weight to manage.

**Kallygirlie** · 07-17-2010 08:17 PM

Not your fault, I'm so sorry you had to go throught this.

**Thomas Hepburn** · 07-18-2010 03:09 AM

The others are right, not your fault at all. You were intimidated. Please don't feel guilty and don't think that all men/boys are like this. God these guys give males a really bad name! Can you report it ? Because if you can you could save another girl from this humiliation. godbless x

**Hopeless Dork** · 07-18-2010 11:27 AM

You are not to blame for this, as all the others have said. You do not deserve to feel guilty. I have in my past let people do things to me I didn't want them to do because I froze up and was too afraid to say no, stop. Then because of the fact I didn't say 'no, stop' I felt guilty for what happened and didn't want to say anything , thinking I would be to blame for not jumping and kicking and fighting and screaming but instead, complying under duress.

You have to just remind yourself that you did not provoke that, you did not consent and just because you were too terrified to react doesn't mean you 'allowed it'.

But do yourself a favor, as I did... and think about what you would do if something like that ever happened to you again. How you would react, make a plan. If someone were to ever touch you in a way you did not want... what your best options are for reacting. You don't have to let anyone do anything you don't want. You don't owe anything to anyone and it is OKAY to get someone in trouble. Anyone that does something like that DESERVES to get in trouble.

So if someone sat next to you and touched you, be vocal, LOUD. Loud enough to make them uncomfortable and everyone around you pay attention. "Do NOT touch me". If this is happening on some place public like a bus they will likely duck and move, they are waiting for the girl that will sit silently, as you did in the past. You don't have to be that girl. Speak up, make a scene.. and TELL someone in authority, the bus driver, etc... and then tell someone you trust, your folks, a teacher.