Incompetence
This guy that I've been seeing for the last few months sometimes cannot get an erection no matter what I do. He blames alcohol, and I can see that when he has been drinking, he can't get it up. But a couple of times, after drinking, he has had no problem. He is 29 years old and does drink a lot, so could it be because of his age, the drinking, or an underlying health condition?
Sometimes I lay under the moon, and thank God I'm breathin'. And I pray, "Don't take me soon, 'cause I am here for reason..."
Well the drinking is obviously causing a problem, but it sounds like it may not be the only problem. He could have low testosterone too. I know, it's a little younger than a lot of guys, but it DOES happen with guys around that age. If it is a hormonal issue, he should see a urologist. It might be hard for you to bring that up to him though, it may be something he needs to recognize and figure out on his own. Obviously you'd want to be supportive of him and make sure he knows that, I mean this is a sensitive issue to a man obviously. But, I think it shows how manly he really is if he is able to find the root of the problem and take the steps that he can to correct it, instead of running from the issue.
It could be psychological, where he is unsure of your reasons for wanting sex. It could be anxiety, caused by not being able to perform in the past. Can he always perform if he hasn't been drinking?
I think there may have been a time when he hasn't been able to get it up even while sober, but usually when he's sober he has no problems. Would anyone else feel a little insecure about yourself if you were in this situation? Cause I can't help it but I do sometimes.
Sometimes I lay under the moon, and thank God I'm breathin'. And I pray, "Don't take me soon, 'cause I am here for reason..."
Its hard not to get a little insecure about yourself when this happens. Society and the media portrays men as erection machines that get erect at the slightest hint of anything exciting - so when you are doing all you can to excite them and, no dice -- it feels like you just aren't turning them on.Originally Posted by SomiticPit
Sometimes its masturbation too much or at least too 'soon' before attempting to have sex, sometimes its alcohol, sometimes sleepiness, sometimes medications, sometimes low-testosterone, sometimes performance anxiety, sometimes fear of getting a girl pregnant, sometimes the vicious circle of having it happen once and fearing it happening again. There is just SOOO many reasons that a guy can have a little difficulty in that area and the odds are real slim that its just he isn't attracted. If he wasn't attracted he wouldn't even be attempting the situation.
But feeling worried, concenred, looking to yourself for thinking you are the problem is natural, but not necessary. Remind yourself he's dating you because he's into you and try not to let it hurt you or make you feel somethings wrong with you or your relationship.
Its more than likely the drinking, even if he isn't drunk at the time it happens. Alcohol abuse long term can take its toll on the entire body, sexual functions to be included in that.
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
A healthy 29 year old should have no problems getting and maintaining and erection. Problems occur either because of physical issues, emotional (or psychological) issues, or a combination of both.
Physical issues are pretty obvious. I don't think I need to reiterate what's already been said.
Emotional issues are totally out of your control so don't even try to feel you can change these things. He needs to deal with them.
There will always be boundries, but making love is so different, than having sex, let's face it. CW
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