A silly sex question?

**sarahlee20** · 07-21-2010 02:47 AM

When my boyfriend goes down on me or fingers me , my clitoris gets so hard and it feels so intense i sometimes have to tell him to stop. I always squirm and move around. I can't sit still It feels good but kind of sore at the same time if he puts direct stimulation on it. If he touches around it, it feels amazing but direct stimulaiton hurts me. Does it hurt because I am so aroused and my clit is so hard? My bf tells me I feel that way because I am about to come but I have yet to come. I am ovulating right now so i am staying away from sex and we were doing some oral tonight so.

I thought that I'd ask! I'd like to know. It almost feels like a buring when he touches my clit. Like he has a hot match to it. He says once i come it won't feel like that anymore. Now when i use my viberator it doesn't hurt like that and I can easily come? Just wondered? Thanks.

**jns** · 07-21-2010 07:44 PM

As the clitoris engorges during arousal, it expands and pushes out from under it's hood. As it comes out from it's hood, highly sensitive parts become exposed and direct stimulation of these may be too intense and thus pain is felt instead of pleasure. More arousal will usually mean more exposure up to a maximum. Your bf should stimulate you through the hood. The protruding clitoris can be fascinating for a guy, but he has to learn to temper his curiosity and arousal so as to not cause you pain.

I don't believe you don't have to be very highly aroused to orgasm from self stimulation. That is what I have found as a guy, I suspect it is the same for women.

**Mes T** · 07-21-2010 07:48 PM

I think your boyfriend is wrong... If he keeps touching you so that it's really "intense" in a way that makes you basically want to MOVE OUT OF THE WAY, then you're not going to orgasm from that, no matter how long it keeps up. Would you orgasm if I punched you in the arm? How about if I punched you for a really long time?

You need to teach him how to touch you. Show him what YOU do when you masturbate (minus the vibrator).

**echoskybound** · 07-21-2010 07:59 PM

I know that it hurts for me if my boyfriend does it too rough or too hard. For me, it works the best when he touches it very, very lightly. If your boyfriend is fingering you and it hurts, move his hand to where it doesn't hurt, and tell him to do it more gently. Obviously since you can masturbate, you have a spot that works but doesn't hurt. Just help your boyfriend correct it, I'm sure he'll be happy to know how to make you enjoy it. Maybe have him touch the hood close to the clit, but not the clit itself. Your body is very specific, and if you help him learn how to use it, he'll understand it better. It took my boyfriend a long time to get me figured out, and not he seems to know what gets me off better than I do, lol.

**sallywi2003** · 07-22-2010 06:09 AM

I to have had this issue of having intense pleasure and then pain during oral and fingering sex. It sounds like you need to direct him a little more to slow down and maybe change his stimulation away from your clitoris. I agree if you have a sweet spot when you masturbate have him focus on this area and make it more enjoyable for you. A few little adjustment you will get much enjoyment.

**Kallygirlie** · 07-22-2010 07:30 AM

I'm with you on this one. The "intense" feelings is so hard to explain but you know you dont like it. A guy thinks if you sqirm that you are feeling really good but its not true. Like the other lady's have said, you need to direct him. some men like it when we direct them because if they listen, they'll get what they are wanting from us

**WildChild** · 07-22-2010 07:36 AM

Make sure you are well lubricated and have him get off your clit and stimulate around it. Over stimulated does not equal pleasure or orgasm.

**kygirl** · 07-22-2010 11:23 AM

Chiming in late but agreeing with everyone else. You need to tell him to not touch it directly but to try to stimulate around that area. Be vocal with him and let him know when it feels good. I have a certain spot that feels better than all the others and it's kind of in an odd location (in my opinion) but you have to let him know where that spot is for you... I feel like lots of guys (especially those who have not been told any different) think direct contact is best but that's not true.