ok so i was 14 when i got with my current boyfriend when he was 18. we started havin sex 2 months later. and after a while we'd do it like every ten minutes. well now im 17 and hes almost 21. and its not the same anymore. we live together and we're together almost every waking minute but for the past 3 months now its slowed down to like once or twice a week. and he only lasts like 3 minutes. i asked him if there was something wrong and he claims that he hasnt wanted to because hes gained alot of weight recently. I dont know it thats the real reason or if hes not attracted to me anymore or if hes cheatin, or whatever. but id try just about anything new to spice things up if anyones got any ideas.
Best thing for most people is not to be together every minute of the day. Each person needs to have their own hobbies and occasionally go out alone with their friends. Otherwise things do tend to steadily slow down. When you are together it's good to do a few activities together rather than just sitting around the house. Insecurities can easily lessen the desire for sex and the less sex you have the less time a guy is likely to last. Maybe it would help if you can find a more physical hobby for him whether you join in or not. I do martial arts and when my husband isn't tired from work he joins me. Sitting around complaining and feeling self conscious doesn't make the weight go away and sometimes people need a little push to do something about it. Exercise is also good for mood, energy level, and as a result sex drive.
I agree with Kira that it's absolutely necessary to have your own life as well, your own friends and things you do on away from each other.
Also, with every relationship that first 'buzz' of wanting to do it every waking moment does die down. It's natural and inevitable that this will happen. The 'lust' wears off and it happens to everyone in every relationship. If the relationship is deeper than just sex, if it is based on an emotional connection, then sex can still be an awesome part of things, but it is different and the need to do it isn't as intense - but it's still there.
How your man feels about himself may well be part of his problem, or you may have just gone past the 'lust' stage and things are settling down to something more sedate. Having a bit of spice is always a good thing and the best way to go about that (and to maintain a strong sexual r/ship) is to talk to each other about what you like, dont' like, what you'd like to try, or just fantasize about trying. Don't be judgementa, be open-minded and you can go on to have a fabulous sex life, even if yr not going at it like rabbits anymore
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Depending on whether you have a job/outdoor responsibilities, once/twice a week seems to be the norm in couples that live together, even if one of the two usually wants more. It's not just about seeing each other all the time, it's also about the feeling of security one gets, like "we live together now, we can have sex whenever we want to" which is a turn off to some people.
However, it could be that he feels insecure about his body and doesn't feel attractive anymore, so that can make him want sex even less. You have to boost his self confidence and make him understand that you find him attractive the way he looks. Help him cut down on weight and always compliment him when you can. How good looking he is, hot he is, find physical traits you can praise every day. Don't show your sexual frustration with arguments or complaints, as even if you are right to complain he will take it the wrong way and shut down instead of open up.
Ask him what he'd like to try, what his fantasies are, go out together, laugh a lot.
Still, I don't see why you put "cheating" as a possibility of him wanting sex less. Have you noticed any signs that would make you suspect he's cheating? Is he out for too many hours by himself? Does he hide anything from you? The first step into spicing up a relationship is to trust each other, but when you wonder about him cheating I sense you don't fully trust him yet.
I don't fully believe in the "you have to spend more time apart and be with your friends" approach. I think that when the relationship is right then this cannot be a serious problem. I know couples that do everything together and have a very good sex life, my sex drive hasn't gone down after 2 years of living together either. It's all about communication.
I agree With every, Talk more with each other but not about the normal stuff, talk like you did when you were younger, flirt a little, be silly! A simple shy smile and quick kiss, play a game of uno or cards. For get about the home life and the Major responsibilities, when ur married its not so much trying to be spontaneous as it is just changing up the normal. Just thinking of home life and what normal habits u have fallen into can lessen the arousal. turn off the tv put on some music from the earlier days when there was less stress involved get off the couch and bed and sit at the table. it will lighten the mood and give a good starting ground for convo. Good luck dont doubt him till there is a reason for it.
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