seeing two men

**sungem77** · 08-01-2010 09:53 AM

I’m seeing two men. The first one I’ve been together with for 3 years. We have amazing chemistry. We see each other almost everyday. Our sex life is fantastic. He gives me the most mind blowing orgasms. I practically pass out from them. we are both in our 50’s with extremely high sex drives. I’ve never experienced such pleasurable sex in my entire life. He is also brilliant, funny and talented and we get along great. The downside is he’s crazy, very unprediciatlbe - he’s cheated on me. Disappeared without calling. He likes to play games. He knows he has problems, he always comes back begging me to take him back. He knows I’m perfect for him. its very hard to live without him. we're somewhat adicted to each other.

Enter guy two. A few months ago, after years of rollercoaster relationship with guy one, I met someone else. He’s a much more caring person, very communicative, very precious. I’m very attracted to him as well, however, he cannot give me those sky rocketing orgasms. For one thing. As soon as he enters me, he loses his erection. So he always makes me cum manually, which is fine, except I know it can be a lot better for me.

I know most people would say, lose guy one, he’s a jerk, a cheater a player. That’s very true, except sex is really important to me in a relationship. I stayed in a sexless marriage for many many years, and it was awful and I will never go back to that again.

I can’t stay in two relationships.i’m not cut out for that. willl guy one change? he says he wants to and he can’t stand living without me, but its hard for me to trust him and if it weren’t for the sex I probably would leave.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 08-01-2010 10:03 AM

Ahhh....what a tangled web we weave.

haha. This is a tough situation. I'm sitting here trying to put myself in your shoes....and most the time when I do that I can come up with an answer of what I think I'd do were I in your situation..........but this is a tough one.

Do the guys know about each other? If not, they should otherwise it's quite unfair to them both. Guy #1 cheated on you..........but aren't you cheating on him?

Guy #2 loses his erection. Is this a medical problem? If he's near your age range, this could be a medical issue he may be able to get resolved. If not for the lack of erection, do you think you could be sexually satisfied from him?

I'm feeling a bit sorry for Guy #2. Like he's a good guy, probably looking for someone to be in a relationship with....but truly you're way more invested in Guy #1.

I"m thinking Guy #2 needs to be let go, so that he can find someone more compatible with him....and that maybe you and Guy #1 need to deal with your issues and either make or break the relationship.

**jns** · 08-01-2010 12:34 PM

Have you worked on getting up the courage to tell both men of the other relationship? It's unlikely, but guy number 2 may be open to this as he cannot satisfy you and most likely knows it, so he may be willing to cede some of the relationship for your happiness as long as you keep him from feeling threatened.

Guy number 1 is the one you don't want to lose since he knows how to get you going. Even though he has cheated on you, it doesn't mean he will tolerate you having a side relationship. You will have to feel him out on this very discreetly. He may not take it well because it would mean there is part of having a relationship he hasn't mastered (the stability part). You will still have to keep him from feeling threatened if he agrees.

You will have to give both a share of your time and affections that the other cannot infringe upon.

From your stated descriptions, I don't think you will be happy with guy 2 in a one on one relationship in the long run because you know what is missing. Guy 2 is unlikely to change. You can possibly live with the flaws of guy 1.

**Texasred** · 08-02-2010 07:52 AM

Originally Posted by sungem77

willl guy one change? he says he wants to and he can’t stand living without me, but ...

Will guy one change? What's that old saying about old dogs and new tricks? Short answer is, No he won't change, not without professional help, perhaps not even then if he doesn't WANT to change.

But back to guy one:
Assuming he's in good health, get him some Cialis and teach him what Guy 1 does to stimulate you. Tell him how important good sex is to you, and he might just be motivated enough to learn to do better; besides, Guy 1 has a 3-year headstart in learning your body and its responses: try giving Guy 2 a little time, and don't be afraid to teach him what he needs to know - we're not born with that knowlege, you know!

And as for telling them about each other: don't do that until you've made your choice. Nothing good will come of it. You may have the satisfaction of unloading your cares, but this will do nothing to make either man feel better about himself, about you, nor about anything else.
- TR

**pretzel** · 08-02-2010 08:23 AM

Texasred is right, that old dog won't learn any new tricks.

The OP I think has to decide what her prioities are in these relationships. If she wants it to be based on sexual satisfaction then the down side comes with that. Brilliant, funny etc. are all fine and dandy when he's there. Don't mean squat if he's not there.

**sungem77** · 08-02-2010 01:20 PM

TR,

wise answer,
thank you

**archrival** · 08-08-2010 02:58 PM

I think the second dude senses their might be someone else revving your motor,and that is why he is holding back.At some point the mind-blowing sex has to come to an end,then what do you do.Ultimately its love,commitement,respect and understanding that make relationships work not just sex.

**TNobles** · 08-08-2010 08:03 PM

I had a relationship like that with a woman, a year ago or so. She was so crazy, I began to doubt my own sanity! But the sex, oh wow, the chemistry between us was undeniable. It was as if any time we were in the same room as eachother, stuff lit on fire. Ultimately, I left her to find someone more reasonable and found the ultra conservative girl I started another thread about. She is gorgeous, caring, sweet, fun, but its missing that "oh-so-important" passion. Im very near cutting lose of her because Im worried we are wasting eachothers time.

You have two guys that want to be with you, if youre not sure about either of them, cut them loose or start looking for guy #3. Sounds like you attract guys easily, be picky, why settle.

**Allie602** · 08-08-2010 10:27 PM

I think TR is right, guy # 2 has potential for growth into a good relationship if you are both willing to work at it. Are you able to talk openly about talk about his erection issues? If he is a wonderful steady guy, I think it's worth a try. There are a number of issues, health, does he have diabetes, high blood pressure, or erectile disfunction? Could he be nervous because it's a new relationship? Does he have a high libido like you?

The crazy guy is exciting and you may have become addicted to the drama. Missing him may not be so much about an emotional connection. I'll bet if you adopt a no contact policy, just give yourself 2 months of NC with the crazy guy and concentrate on guy #2, the addiction to crazy may be broken. Maybe you'll examine the quality of the relationship and decide that it is really not good enough for a long-term relationship. It sounds like a fun in the short run but is it worth trowing away the possibility of a loving companionship?

The crazy guy may say he can't live without you but what do his actions say? His actions speak volumes, he may very well disappear one day and never contact you again - that's how crazy is.

Give guy #2 a chance and don't give up too soon - really work on the sexual part of the relationship persistently. Good luck!

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