As for the oral, sometimes the answer is as simple as a woman does not orgasm from it. For me I likely never will because there is simply not enough pressure and soft licks of that sort anywhere around my vagina feel like nothing. If she gets pleasure from other things like manual stimulation with your fingers then I would say stick to those methods and use oral as just a build up. Women are not all the same and we do not all have a magic switch method that is going to guarantee results. Just keep having her talk to you.