My fiance has ED??? Please advise me!

**justcuriouz** · 08-14-2010 11:46 PM

I am a woman in my 20s who has never "gone all the way" because I was waiting for the right man. Found him, but his penis doesn't seem to want to cooperate. We are getting married in 2 months and I am very worried. While he's important enough to me that I'd marry him anyway, I'd like to know if I'm essentially choosing the life of a nun. Could it just be religious guilt that he has because he feels premarital sex is wrong? (I sort of feel this way, but I feel like it's acceptable if you're in love) He's had all the basic tests (blood tests I think) and nothing is wrong. He sometimes gets hard but never stays that way very long and I can't ever get him to climax when I give him oral or manual sex. He says he's always had this issue, so maybe it's all in his head? (not [I]that[I] head). I'm not very experienced, but I'm pretty sure he's circumcised, from the diagrams I found on the net. He's 35 and otherwise in great health. I know it is not me, because I had a previous boyfriend who was always hard and climaxed during both oral and manual. But I didn't love him. I do love this man, but I also would really prefer to have a real sex life. I don't think I would like receiving oral sex because I have body image issues. I just want to be able to have real, ordinary sex with my future husband. (And yes, we do intend to wait til our wedding night to have real intercourse) Any advice would be very welcome.
PS I don't think it could be related to his feelings about me, because life situations have shown me how much he loves me. We're perfect together and I just want to fix this problem so it doesn't cause marital issues.

**Mes T** · 08-14-2010 11:53 PM

You're doing the right thing by addressing this issue before you get married. Has he ever had intercourse with anyone before you? Like you say, it might all be psychological - nerves, am I doing this right, what if I come too quickly, etc etc. Is seeing a counselor a possibility?

**dr.mansview** · 08-14-2010 11:59 PM

circumcision has nothing to do with ED..if he has always been this way he should see a dr..another dr..there is medication to correct the problem..tell him correcting this problem is vital to your married life, because it is

**justcuriouz** · 08-15-2010 12:56 AM

Thanks to everyone who's posted so far. I really appreciate the advice!

**justcuriouz** · 08-15-2010 01:00 AM

Yes he had sex a few times with a girlfriend back when he was in college, but that was it and apparently he had that problem with her. And his other girlfriends broke up with him because he wouldn't have sex with them. I bet it didn't help that she made jokes about wanting to give him medication, so it may be hard for me to get him to actually try taking Viagra or something, but he said he would if he still has this problem after we're married. Still, I was hoping to convince him to fix the problem *before* our wedding night. But I guess I should really consider myself lucky that he is willing to fix it at all.

**Mes T** · 08-15-2010 01:34 AM

I think if he doesn't do anything about it now, you can definitely bet that the problem will still be there once you're married. If he's had this problem pretty much during his entire dating life, then it might be quite a hurdle to get over. I know you love him but this is certainly a red flag to consider - not just the fact that he can't stay hard, but perhaps the emotional side effects that might manifest during your life together.

**Thomas Hepburn** · 08-15-2010 02:20 AM

It may be that he has psychological problems where he finds it difficult to trust a woman with his vulnerability, and therefore erection. Part of a guy's good sexual health is being able to trust his lady completely. I don't mean trust her not to hack off his bits when he's asleep, merely that he trusts her enough to open up to her. It's similar I think to a woman trusting a man to penetrate her for the first time. Along with the mechanics comes the emotions. And as we all know, good sex is about good emotions. You need to be patient with him. Did he have parents who were not reliable perhaps? Also, Dr Mansview is right, being circumcised would not cause ED. It does cause de-sensitisation of the penis head(glans) as it has it's protective foreskin removed. The foreskin keeps the head moist and sensitive.The head dries out on a circumcised penis and it loses feeling to a point. But it has nothing to do with ED. The problem is either physical, i.e. blood flow, general health etc, or it's psychological.

**Hopeless Dork** · 08-15-2010 07:17 AM

If he has not had sex with a woman very often and is 35... chances are he's spent a lot of time, nearly his whole life, masturbating for his release. Do you know if he has erection problems with he masturbates? If he doesn't this is likely anxiety based ED. If he has trouble reaching orgasm or staying hard... it may be that he has already had an orgasm too soon to when you are trying to please him.

A lot of guys can go and go several times a day... but for even more men... one shot, thats it. If he masturbates say, in the morning, and see's you in the afternoon... its going to be hard for him to become erect, reach orgasm etc.

I'd suggest having a talk with him about his self-pleasure habits, asking him to wait for you next time, and see if that doesn't help improve the situation.

**Thomas Hepburn** · 08-15-2010 08:55 AM

[QUOTE=I don't think I would like receiving oral sex because I have body image issues.[/QUOTE]
Can I ask why you would not be comfortable receiving oral sex? What if your partner really wants to do it for you? What body image issue would you have if you knew you had the partner that had chosen you, with the body you were given ?

**Day Tripper** · 08-15-2010 09:19 AM

It is very important that he goes to see a Urologist to rule out any physiological problems. At one time, they thought ED was mostly psychological . . . now they realize that 90% of the cases are physical and more easily treatable. Don't let much time go by. The sooner he gets treated for ED the sooner you will be enjoying each other sexually.