Thread: Boyfriend lost his erection during sex

Ok I am probably being completely paranoid but I have been with my partner for two months now and there have been more than one occasion that he has lost his erection.

He is older than me, I am 25 and he is 33, and we are still getting to know each other, he doesn't drink but he is a smoker. I don't know whether these factors could be a cause.

This morning it happened again, I gave him oral yesterday and he did ejaculate but when we had sex this morning he lost his erection. I mentioned it to him and asked if I did something wrong and he got a bit defensive. Now I feel worse because I am scared he might go off me for making him feel inadequate or seek sex elsewhere to reaffirm his masculinity! (I have a tendancy to be irrational and suffer with anxiety).

I am a bit confused as a couple of weeks ago he came over and we had sex four times over two days, he managed to maintain an erection then. I don't know whether I am doing something wrong or this is just his problem.
Any advice?

First off, and listen carefully : You are not doing anything wrong. I'll say it again. "You are not doing anything wrong!" However, if you love each other, it is just not his problem, it's a problem that you share in the bedroom together and it will bother both of you outside the bedroom too. There are a number of things that could be cause this problem. At his age - a young 33 year old man - psychologically, it could be fatigue, lack of sleep, anxiety, depression - physically, it could be other things, perhaps diabetes, and many smokers have this problem also. I am pretty much an expert in this area since i had ED (Erectile Disfunction) for about 7 years and I had been through the whole array of treatments. These kinds of things are not easy on the woman or the man and the man suffers psychologically because offen, he is the one that has to "rise" to the occasion and perform - no pun intended. However, often the woman will think it has something to do with her (he's not turned on by her, she did something wrong, etc.). In 99% of the cases, this is simply not the case. If you just said this happened once or twice, I wouldn't worry too much about it - just shrug it off, however, since you are saying it happened on multiple occasions, it is a bit more serious and reason for concern. In all cases, the first thing to do is consult a doctor - start with a GP and move to a Urologist if necessary. After diabetes is ruled out, many doctors will begin treatment using pills such as Viagra, Cialis, or Levitra. This usually works in most males and the problem is solved in the short-term and sometimes that's all it takes. The main thing is that you don't let this come between the both of you. Assure him that you love him and that you will do whatever it takes to support him and that together you will fix what is wrong. ED is something that, if left untreated and ignored, has the potential to destroy lives and relationships, so don't let this happen. It's hard for most men to discuss these things with their partner - let alone a doctor, but, the fastest way to normality is through open communications. The reason he may not have this problem with oral sex is that that is sometimes more stimulating to a man physically and mentally, and that might be the reason why he stays hard in that area. However, there should also be no problems with intercourse, so if he is losing erections, there is something wrong. Remember, don't blame him and don't blame yourself. It's something that happens and it is treatable.

Hi

Thanks for responding, it is reassuring at least to know that I am not the problem. I am not sure if I am being over sensitive. It may also be worth mentioning we are both recovering drug addicts and though he is a year clean it could be affecting his erections. When I asked him about it this morning he said he was just tired.

I am anxious that I could have put him off me just by bringing it up and this could make sex between us more difficult in the future but I wanted to be open with him. Now I am afraid I have dented his masculinity and could push him away when I just want to bring him closer.