....It's 11:30 at night and I have tear stained checks...again...because my husband and I were trying to reconnect "in bed"...so, what sounded like a good idea at around 12 o'clk today turned out to be yet another in a LONG string of dissapointing Love sessions...and as my user name points out I just got married in December '05 ::yay:: but since about Sept of '05 my libido is- well fleeting at best....a few of years ago I couldn't keep my hands off of anyone I dated...and not to get too detailed but, on our honey moon it was more about the food than anything else....I have cried myself to sleep 4 out of the five last times we've been intimate....I have a 4 year old so getting in the mood is only permitted from the time it takes to turn off the lights till I get into bed (watch out, huh!)...my husband has the sex drive of a 13yr. old and has no idea what why or how I am having this problem, and though he has never said anything I feel as though I constanly let him down sexually...I am young, healthy, and pretty, but my sexy side seems to be the weakest link.....CAN ANYONE HELP?

I think you have hit it on the head. When you have children its hard. You are tired and it is more a case thinking do it and get it over with. You probably need nights on your own with your new husband talk and not necessarily do anything. Explain to your husband how you are feeling if you can because he is probably wondering whats happening. I think the more you think about it the more worried you will become and then it will become more of an issue. Relax, get some me time. I suppose it all sounds logical but when you are feeling like you are it all seems to get too much. Good Luck!

I am so sorry to hear that you are having problems. It is true that you and your hubby really need to talk about how you are feeling. That would probably be the first step. Men will start to think all the wrong things if you are not upfront with them.

I also agree that you must not stress about this. If you continue to worry about it, it will make your problem worse. Women who keep stress and concerns in the back of their mind while they are trying to be intimiate will ultimately NOT enjoy themselves.

This is a very common problem, as I have responded to posts about this very thing many times. I am in a bit of a hurry and have to leave soon so I will make this short. Try reading some of the other posts from the women who are having similar problems. I wrote a LOT in those posts. Haha.

Quick overview: You MUST make time for you and your hubby to enjoy each other. I know it's hard having a child, but it is absolutely necessary. You need to be able to connect and enjoy each other on a mental level. Also, when people start to lose their libido, I always suggest that you need to work extra hard to find new things that excite you. Romantic movies, adult novels, fantasies, you name it. Also, you must be happy with yourself and feel confident with your body. Try to reduce your stress or find ways to relieve it by doing something relaxing. Stress will KILL your sex drive!

Well, I have to run. Like I said, there is a lot of info in some of the other posts in the sex forums. Best wishes!

he has to understand that being home with the kids all day- you are going to need time to make the transition from MOMMMY to WIFE. And he needs to help you do this. What my husband and i usually do is give OURSELVES a TIMEOUT. By this I mean put the kids to bed EARLY one night, which gives you and your husband time to unwind and talk-which is what You want and it isnt too late at night for what HE wants. Or you can put on a movie a sneak 45 minutes for yourselves. (my 12 year old still goes to bed at NINE.) The more sex you have the more you will want it. ( I've been married ten years and its just gotten better and better!)

Are you taking any birth control pills ? Could this be from hormones ?

This may sound silly, but have you tried masterbating ? Maybe in the tub ? Try to think about feeling sexual again -- I think this is coming from within and you just got to get out of this slump -- Are you just plain exhausted -- What time does your 4 year old go to sleep ? You need time after that to unwind, relax yourself and then have intimacy --

Another question, how does this man rate sexually to those in the past? Is this the father of your child?

Post #4 hit it on the head --- The more you do it the more you want it --

But all in good time -- I think you'll be fine --

I have to agree with the other responses...try masterbation. Getting in touh with yourself and what you enjoy and learning how to relax again and be in the moment. It might be easier to try to do this by yourself and then transfer what you re-learn about yourself and your needs into the bedroom with your husband.