Thread: i'm never in the mood for sex and it's ruining my relationship!

Whether or not he's gorgeous to the whole world doesn't matter to him, he wants to feel attractive to YOU... you are the one he loves. When one partner all of a sudden doesn't want to have sex with the other it can create HUGE insecurities... can make them feel unwanted, like there is something wrong with them.. like if only they were this or that you'd want to have sex with them. It can cause depression... and a great need to feel validated. You are right for your concern that he may look for attention elsewhere.

Not necessarily to cheat, but to feel like he is still worthwhile as a sexual person to someone, if not you. Feeling like your partner isn't turned on by you is a self-esteem crusher. No matter what you look like and no matter if you are the real problem or not, you feel like you are. And you might think you giving him a bone every now then (pun not intended) and saying, fine here... have sex with me, i don't want it, but you want it so bad, there take it... is enough to satisfy him, but its likely only going to make him feel worse.

No one feels great about pity sex, no one wants to feel like someone is making love to them out of charity and not desire.

That being said, you shouldn't do things you don't want just to keep him, but if he's a sexual person and your not, you have to think long and hard about whether or not its fair to him to have to feel so rejected so often.

If there is something medically, emotionally blocking you from having sex, you need to for sure communicate to him and reassure him that you love him and want him as badly as you always did... he needs that validation that you haven't lost your spark for him.

Do see your doctor, if you are on birth control...perhaps there is something else you can take that will have less of an impact on your drive/lubrication issue. Are you on anti-depressents? If not are you depressed? Both of those things can affect drive. Are you sleeping and eating enough? Do you have a lot of stress or pressure right now?

Does he please you sexually? Does he have the ability to make you orgasm? Have you ever had one? Do you masturbate? I would suggest trying to get your mind in the mood for sex more frequently... masturbate a little in the shower in the mornings, etc... for most women the longer they go without orgasms and feeling sexual the less important it becomes to them... the more they have sex or masturbate, the more they want it.

Try getting yourself in a sexy frame of mind even when you are not about to have sex... think of things that turn you on and let that simmer and stick with you. There is no harm in using lube to get the ball rolling, don't let that make you feel like you wont enjoy things.

If he isn't meeting your needs, open up to him about what you'd like to feel before during or after sex, I'm sure he'd be willing to do anything you think would get you more in the mood.