Thread: Advice for getting back libido after sexual abuse issues?

Looong story short
23yr old female w/ history of negative experiences with older peers mostly around age 13. Have had 3 fairly healthy long-term (1-5yr) relationships in past 10yrs and have had trouble not just wanting any sexual contact, but even having feelings of panic at being touched certain ways. When do decide to try to have sex, sometimes successful and actually enjoy the experience with current boyfriend who I trust and have good communication with, others I'm interested right up until penetration then sensation dissipates and only feel..well..the mechanics. Still other times I want to be anywhere but near a guy who's turned on. Have very little $ so looking for any advice, resources, referrals, any thoughts or anything anyone can pass on to try that don't involve paying for a therapist as I have no health insurance either. Thought would change just if I found a relationship I felt respected/could trust but same old same old still so now finally admitting need help. Thanks for anything you can recommend!!

Most places have therapists that are free or work on a sliding fee scale. It's worth looking into, this is a big deal and you don't want to live the rest of your life like this over not wanting to spend the money you know.

How understanding is your boyfriend about all this. It's going to take a lot of patience on his part to help you work through this. Can you enjoy sexual contact without penetration? Is that something the two of you, over time, could work up to?

thank you, I apologize for posting an issue like this to such a forum but in honesty I have no idea where to start or even look. Where would you find information on such free or low-priced care? Is there a site? Forum? Network?

And yes, that is why I have decided to look for help, I'm thankfully in the first relationship where I want to change for my sake and not because I feel guilted by a significant other. I truly hope anyone who has any similar problems has the luck of finding such a partner. I can enjoy some things, even everything, just on a very random basis. Moods have to be just right, if one thought goes awry the mood is ruined so it gets very frustrating for myself and I'm sure for anyone I'm with.

Everyone that has been sexually abused has a unique response to how they handle sexuality going forward. Some bottle up what happened, and don't let it affect their sex life... but it can start impacting other areas of their life. Some bottle it up and can't stand to be touched... Some bottle it up... and act out sexually, being promiscuous ... the big problem here no matter which route is the bottling it up.

If you have never had a chance to deal with what happened to you, you have yet to start the process of healing that needs to take place for you to not allow what happened to you in the past impact your future.

I was sexually abused as a child for many years at the hand of a family member, and I bottled. I pretended it never happened to me (even to myself)... and as a teenager I was SO promiscuous, pretty much giving sex or sexual favors to anyone that asked it of me. I didn't know how to say no, and I wanted people to like me.

Later I got turned off sex all together and wasn't in an intimate relationship for years... scared at the thought of ANY man touching me... I finally realized how much I was letting what happened to me as a child impact my whole life and decided to quit letting it have that power over me.

I never sought counseling but I forgave myself for what happened, I quit blaming myself, second guessing myself on when I should have spoke up... or how I could have made it stop. Instead I forgave that little girl inside of me that didn't need forgiveness, that was innocent and didn't know any better and did the best she could to just get by.

I'm now in a relationship with a man with a fantastic sex life... I'm respected, I do what I want and never anything I don't. I enjoy his touches more than the sunshine And I think i've moved on from all the hurt of my past and all the mistakes I made derrived from that hurt.