She just can't orgasm with me! What the heck do I do?

**samslam69** · 08-19-2010 10:41 PM

Hey ladies, I'm Sam and I'm 20 years old. I've been dating my girlfriend for about 8 months now and I love her to death =D. That being said, I cannot for the life of me make her orgasm. Before I go into the details of what I've tried, I will say that her attitude slightly annoys me sometimes. For example, the other day I went down on her for like 15 minutes, you know using my tongue in the best way possible. I tried everything with it that I could think of, and then I asked (seductively

) "how does it feel?" She responded that she knew I wanted to eat her out but that she'd really just rather have sex. I was like "WHAT?" I mean, what girl doesn't like oral sex? Anyway, so I hopped on, started off gently, and picked up the speed and depth as we went on. We went for like 30 minutes before I finished. She said it was great, but that she regretted that she couldn't orgasm with me.

SO! I chose this encounter because I feel I did everything right (or by by the "book" to say the least). What more must I do to blow this girl's mind? I've tried missionary with legs on my shoulders to hit the g-spot, but she gets belly cramps if we do that for too long =(. We've tried almost every position we can think of. We use plenty of lube. We average like 30 minutes, and the longest (like 1.5 hours) has little effect. I'm an average 7-incher, normal penis. I try to set the mood but a college dorm isn't the best place. She is usually very relaxed on the outside when we begin. Oh and she rides horses if that helps haha. So... ladies, and gentlemen, what do I do to rock this girl's world?

**jns** · 08-19-2010 11:12 PM

Sam, have you tried using your fingers to get her to orgasm? By manually stimulating her you can judge her reactions and do other types of foreplay easier.

Do you like kissing? Try kissing while you rhythmically finger her clitoris through the hood. Tease her while kissing and make sure you kiss her not just on the mouth, but on her chin , her cheeks, her nose, her eyebrows, her forehead, her ear lobes, her neck, her shoulders, her breasts and randomly go back to each one. Don't stay in any place too long. The anticipation of you kissing her all over will add to her excitement. Ask again what is turning her on. Hug her every so often as you kiss her. Stiffen your lips and trap one of her lips and gently pull on it. Do the same thing with her ear lobes and nipples.

Let her feel the heat of your breath from time to time. If she likes it, talk to her in quiet low tones so she has to strain a little to hear clearly. Tell her how much she turns you on. Tell her how beautiful she is.

Take notice of what motion causes her to breathe harder or try to readjust her position and return to it every so often. Determine what makes her legs tremble and repeat. Determine how much pressure on her clitoris she likes.

**Mes T** · 08-19-2010 11:23 PM

Does she masturbate on her own and get to orgasm that way? If so, then she needs to show and teach you EXACTLY what she does. Also, many women don't orgasm from penis-in-vagina intercourse, no matter the size.

**Hopeless Dork** · 08-20-2010 01:56 AM

Has she ever had an orgasm on her own? Does she masturbate? If the answer is no... you're going to be hard pressed figuring out how to please her if she hasn't managed to figure it out for herself yet.

If the answer is yes she orgasms on her own, masturbates... then why not incorperate her masturbation into your sex life? When shes on top, or when you are behind her... or if you are on top but not laying on her... she can put her hand there and rub herself providing herself with the kind of stimulation (speed, pressure, consistancy) that she is use to in order to orgasm on her own.

Do you guys involve her clitoris when you have sex? Do your rub her there or provide her with enough friction with your body? Many, most, women can't orgasm from penetration alone... and the ones that can are usually more mature sexually, experienced, etc..

Not all women like oral, and not all women can come from it... especially if the right pressure and consistancy isn't applied. Not saying you are doing somethign wrong, you can't know until she says... since all women are different. It sounds like you are trying hard to know... asking her if it feels good was a great way to open up helping her to express what she needs from you to feel good... and she missed it.

The best thing to remember about oral, fingering... or even sex... is for a woman to orgasm its much like a man... as in you can dilly dally and try all kinds of fun new sensations... but when someone is getting close... don't switch up what you are doing -- keep it consistant, if she is about to come and you change up your moves... she could lose it.

Its kind of like if you are getting a hand job from a girl/ or a bj... and you are close and she stops (which can actually be really really fun for those that aren't too impatient:P) but suppose she stops and does something nowhere near getting you there... its going to change up whether or not you can orgasm right then... think... consistancy when she's close.

You sound like a giving lover who cares about her needs, she sounds like she is maybe not that sexually experienced... perhaps a bit shy.. doesn't know her body well , or doesn't know how to tell you what she likes... time patience and communication are what needs to take place to get her to orgasm.

There really isn't a direction you can follow to make it happen.... unless that direction is coming from her. Some women like hard pressure, some soft, some like more attention payed to their clit... some more to their gspot.. some, like me, need both to really feel the best... out of the action.

Trying new postions wont really help her reach orgasm... going deeper, shallower, hanging from the shower curtain... none if it matters if she's not mentally aroused, not excited... doesn't have her head in the game... and isnt' giving you cues to follow to get her there... whether with her breathing, words, or her guding you physically.

**samslam69** · 08-20-2010 10:48 AM

Thanks for the replies ladies, there are some things that I do need to do more. One thing that's odd: even though she says she has orgasmed through masturbation, she seems hesitant to touch herself when we're together. Like when she has lube on her hands, I say, "just wipe it off on yourself wink wink" and she says that's gross, and gets a tissue. I will ask her exactly what she does to help me be more consistent, I will kiss her more also. I use my fingers in combo with oral and she likes that... but again still says she prefers sex. I sometimes stimulate her clitoris during sex, but sometimes it's hard to keep my hand there and stay balanced all at once haha. I need to fix that! So yeah, I just need to get her to open up more sexually I think... and then all will be right in the world lol. Thanks for the tips, I will put them to good use.

**sungoddesschelsy** · 08-20-2010 11:08 AM

jns will you train my man? J/k I've tried to tell him what I like... he'll do it that time and forget about it the next...

**kygirl** · 08-20-2010 12:41 PM

Maybe she is just a bit shy? It took me a LONG time to get entirely comfortable in my own skin. If you all are in college, maybe she is still just working that out. If she is not entirely relaxed and/or if she feels too much pressure to have an orgasm, that can also affect her ability to have one. Orgasms can be VERY mental for women. Also, remember that just because something works on one female doesn't mean it works on others. See if you can get her to tell you what she likes but don't make it seem like there is a lot of pressure to orgasm. Then you get so wrapped up in it happening that you can't enjoy it and let your body react.

**jns** · 08-21-2010 11:44 AM

Originally Posted by sungoddesschelsy

jns will you train my man? J/k I've tried to tell him what I like... he'll do it that time and forget about it the next...

Training is sometimes an almost thankless task. I have trained a person at work who always forgot what I trained him by the next time the same task had to be done, even if it was on the same day. The tasks were usually done several times a week, so they weren't something a person should forget.

After getting frustrated at his slow absorption, I thought about it quite a bit. I came to the conclusion that I couldn't really change him, but I could change myself. I did not have to get frustrated, I only needed to train him again each time and with no expectations. I found out he could learn the repetitive tasks after about 6 months of training. I would have never learned that if I had given up or in to my frustration.

When I read your post, I thought of lyrics of the song "Just Like Heaven" by The Cure. Ask him to show you how he makes you go wild (as you have instructed him to do). Transfer the ownership to him and praise him on its proper execution. Hopefully he will take that ownership with a sense of pride. Alternately, just keep training.

**Texasred** · 08-21-2010 10:34 PM

Originally Posted by samslam69

Hey ladies, I'm Sam and I'm 20 years old. I've been dating my girlfriend for about 8 months now and I love her to death =D. That being said, I cannot for the life of me make her orgasm. Before I go into the details of what I've tried, I will say that her attitude slightly annoys me sometimes. For example, the other day I went down on her for like 15 minutes, you know using my tongue in the best way possible. I tried everything with it that I could think of, and then I asked (seductively

) "how does it feel?" She responded that she knew I wanted to eat her out but that she'd really just rather have sex. I was like "WHAT?" I mean, what girl doesn't like oral sex? Anyway, so I hopped on, started off gently, and picked up the speed and depth as we went on. We went for like 30 minutes before I finished. She said it was great, but that she regretted that she couldn't orgasm with me.

SO! I chose this encounter because I feel I did everything right (or by by the "book" to say the least). What more must I do to blow this girl's mind? I've tried missionary with legs on my shoulders to hit the g-spot, but she gets belly cramps if we do that for too long =(. We've tried almost every position we can think of. We use plenty of lube. We average like 30 minutes, and the longest (like 1.5 hours) has little effect. I'm an average 7-incher, normal penis. I try to set the mood but a college dorm isn't the best place. She is usually very relaxed on the outside when we begin. Oh and she rides horses if that helps haha. So... ladies, and gentlemen, what do I do to rock this girl's world?

Sam, consider that this is a real live woman you're with, not the subject of some "book," and that she is a person with her own unique feelings, reactions, and responses, not some machine programmed to have an orgasm if all the proper techniques are used and instructions are followed.
What you might do, in addition to all the other very good ideas presented above, is just try having fun with her, doing things you both enjoy doing; do things with her because YOU like to do them, or because she lets you know SHE likes them, not because you read it in a book somewhere.
Keep in mind that good sex between a man and a woman is also a way of communicating your feelings for each other, and if youre just trying desperately to "make her come," she'll sense that.
Try relaxing and having fun - that's what it's supposed to be, right?
Best of luck to you!
- TR

**JaneC09** · 08-22-2010 08:02 PM

Well, first of all good for you for caring about her sexual pleasure. I wish I had met more guys like you when I was younger.

I had the exact same problem when I was younger. I couldn't reach orgasm from anything guys did to me. And although some only cared about their own needs, others tried desperately to make me cum (and I tried to explain to them everything I liked). Then one day, someone gave me an incredible orgasm. There was just one thing: she was a girl. I was a lesbian all this time, and I didn't even know it. I'm not saying your girl is a lesbian, but you never know.

Honestly, I'd try mutual masturbation (tell her you really like it; I know I do). And then watch what she does and try to copy it.