I think sex is sort of gross- help please?

**dcn456** · 08-23-2010 03:26 AM

I am almost 21 years old. I thought I'd pass through this "sex is gross" phase, but it hasn't really happened. There's been no past sexual abuse or trauma in my life, I'm not religious (nor is my family), etc. I'm an attractive, otherwise "normal" girl.

I think I do feel sexual at times; I've barely ever done more than making out, which I do enjoy... and I've had some sexual fantasies (though I don't know if I'm just curious). It's sort of hard to explain, I guess-- but the idea of sex (including oral sex) seems pretty repulsive to me. I do want to be able to be in an intimate relationship, but this is a pretty big barrier, no?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Does anyone feel, or know someone else who feels, somewhat similarly?

**LanaBear** · 08-23-2010 09:38 AM

What about sex do you find gross? The entire act, the bodily fluids, etc? Do you masturbate?

It is obviously a mental wall that you have built up against sex and you obviously won't enjoy it until that wall is broken down.

**Faerunner** · 08-23-2010 10:09 AM

There are some people who simply consider themselves asexual and don't enjoy any aspects of sex but in your case I think it's more lack of experience. Sex is fun!

I do know at least one girl who identifies as asexual. She loves to cuddle and be otherwise physically close to people but she doesn't have any sexual interest in anyone she's met so far. I don't know if she fantasizes but I'd guess not, based on what I've heard from her.

Do you watch porn or read erotic stories? Do they work for you? Do you fantasies turn you on or are they just "what if?" scenarios with no physical reaction? If you can fantasize or read someone else's fantasy and not be turned on by it, I'd say there's something mentally that's keeping you from interest in sex. Whether it's something you want to overcome is up to you - some people can have perfectly satisfying relationships without sex, although it does take a very careful choice of partners.

Your attitude toward sex could also be related to other habits you have - do you like getting messy at all (dancing in the rain, walking barefoot in mud, kneading bread by hand, etc)? Do you clean up as soon as you can after coming in contact with a mess? It could just be that you're not all that into being messy, and since sex means body fluids, you're not sure how to approach it. Sex doesn't have to be messy, if that makes you feel better. And oral sex isn't gross as long as the other person is clean and takes care of themselves. I used to think it'd be gross too but the more I do it, the more fun I have with it. It's just skin, after all

**teenie** · 10-06-2010 01:34 AM

i just started having sex and i'm pretty ocd about things so it grosses me out too. Every aspect of it. So i'm kinda in your boat, except my drive is so high it just overcomes it mostly

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-06-2010 01:42 AM

Did your Mother bring you up, to believe that "sex" is purely to have babies?

You say that you've done pretty much nothing past making out, do you think perhaps it's the thought of once you've had sex, if you don't like it you have to continue, because your in a relationship?

**Little_Miss_Me** · 10-06-2010 08:58 AM

I can only see this being one of the two:

1.) You're a clean freak.

If you're a clean freak, I suggest getting toys. They're safe and clean. There are hundreds of toy cleaners out there, and overall, it should ease your worries. Once you get used to the closeness, I believe it'll open you up to trying the real thing. As much as I love my toys, there's no comparison to the "real" thing.

2.) You've never experienced lust and/or love.

I'll tell you the truth here. If I would've gone back two years ago and told myself some of the things I do now, I would be shocked and disgusted. But. There's so much joy and pleasure you get from it. There are so many different ways to do everything, and once you let yourself go, you'll be willing to try things that sound, a little... dirty. Looking back, I could have never done anything like that and been so open if it weren't for love. So, don't be discouraged.

A third thought came to my mind...

Porn.

Lots of people enjoy porn, but personally, I don't. And if you think that is what sex is going to be like, let me ease your worries: it's not. You don't see anything like that, and nothing is simply visual. There's so much more to it, and you don't have to actually watch the **** go in and out.

Anyway, try and have an open mind to things. Stay comfortable, and when you find the person you're in love with, open your mind and try anything more than once. There's no greater joy than giving your partner some of the most wonderful feelings in the world.

**CharlesV** · 10-06-2010 05:57 PM

I've had girfriends like this, its pretty sad because it is hard to have a good relationship without intimacy.

**stressed** · 10-06-2010 06:59 PM

Is it possible that people who feel like this towards sex are homosexuals? Perhaps sex seems "gross" because they only have it/imagine it with people of the opposite sex, which is unappealing to them?Just an idea.

**cloudycandyx** · 10-08-2010 01:30 PM

Have you ever been in a serious relationship? I know it seems like a silly question, but for most of my life I thought sex was disgusting and that boys were generally unattractive. And it wasn't a sexuality thing, because I wasn't attracted to women either. That kind of changed, though, when I got into my first serious relationship with my current boyfriend, and even then I wasn't physically attracted to him until after we started dating and it got serious. He's still really the only person I'm attracted to and would ever consider having sex with.
Perhaps you're the same way, but it's hard to know unless you get that kind of relationship with someone. But you're definitely not alone

**Thomas Hepburn** · 10-09-2010 01:36 AM

It may be because you are choosy and don't find it "attractive" at the moment because you haven't met anyone special. It may also be physiological perhaps? Your hormones may be up in the air. We guys often have sexual interest/feelings simply because our bodies are telling us to get out there and mate! Perhaps a word with the Doctor? Anyway, don't worry. This is not uncommon by any means. I used to be very choosy and couldn't imagine having sex with almost all girls.