My boyfriend's ended our sex life, I am worried for our relationship.

**rkellogs** · 08-23-2010 05:08 AM

I have been with my boyfriend for a year now, we decided to live together 1 month after meeting, we were so in love. I truly love him and I believe that he is my soulmate, I can't imagine ever living without him. He says he loves me too. 5 months ago he injured his back and so we stopped having sex. We still havent started, his back is still sore but i am beginning to think that something in our relationship is broken... I want to have sex with him but I am scared of being rejected so I dont initiate, he doesnt initiate and so 5 months have gone by and I feel that it is harming our beautiful relationship. He manages to work with the backache, play with the dog and do his hobby (photography) but he doesnt ever touch me, I am beginning to think he is using the back pain as an excuse... I want to start but I feel something stopping me, I feel like I shouldnt do anything, I doubt myself and feel that maybe he doesnt love me anymore, it upsets me. I know it's stupid, I should just do something about it, but it's blown up into something big that makes me feel so frustrated with myself and with him.
Why cant i just try initiating?

**sourpuss** · 08-23-2010 06:22 AM

Have you talked to him about it at all? Does he randomly tell you he loves you? Hold your hand? Kiss you?

**JaneC09** · 08-23-2010 12:24 PM

Okay, when the two of you are laying down in bed, start getting intimate without telling him. Simple kisses at first should be fine. Then, let your hands make their way for his manhood. If he doesn't say anything, just keep going. Then ask him if he will give you some finger pleasure. If at any point during this encounter, he stops you, there might be a problem.

**sungoddesschelsy** · 08-23-2010 03:00 PM

I'll bet anything that if you start initiating he is NOT going to stop you! Not after 5 months of nothing... But why not go for manual stimulation or oral if you are afraid of him being in pain... start slowly and work up gradually to the things you used to do... ask him to tell you if he is in pain and switch things up whenever that becomes a problem.

**jns** · 08-23-2010 07:00 PM

There are many ways a guy can pleasure his gf with hands and orally. It doesn't sound like he is doing those things. Even if his back doesn't allow penetrative sex, he can give and get pleasure. His not touching you in a sexual way speaks volumes. No matter what his mouth says, his actions speak louder.

**stressed** · 08-24-2010 03:19 PM

Discuss your sex life with him. Ask him when he thinks he's going to be ready for it, use the examples that show he can play with dogs, work, etc. I think it's important to know how he feels about it before you initiate anything. If he feels he's not ready for it then he will reject you and feel guilty about it. I think that if he felt ready for it he would have initiated it himself. He must be insecure about it. Talk to him and tell him how you feel, but also do it in a way that won't put the blame on him.

But you need to know as soon as possible, 5 months is a lot of time.

**rkellogs** · 08-25-2010 04:11 AM

Thank you all for your replies, I feel it's also my fault, maybe he feels like I do... I think maybe it's just become the elephant in the room and now neither of us knows what to do. I will try and have the courage to tak to him about it tonight. It's really hard for me to talk about it and I guess it's as hard for him, so I can't expect him to aproach it if I don't...

**rkellogs** · 08-25-2010 08:55 AM

Originally Posted by rkellogs

Thank you all for your replies, I feel it's also my fault, maybe he feels like I do... I think maybe it's just become the elephant in the room and now neither of us knows what to do. I will try and have the courage to tak to him about it tonight. It's really hard for me to talk about it and I guess it's as hard for him, so I can't expect him to aproach it if I don't...

I feel panicked just thinking I have to talk to him tonight, I have sort of chickened out.... I have decided to email him how I feel, he then won’t feel ambushed and I can get it out straight so there is no misunderstanding.

I have written this so far, any advice?

"Sweetie, I talk a LOT, I am a chatterbox and yet, some of the most important things I find hard to say. I have been for several months trying to blurt it out. I haven't managed to. It's that hard for me!

I decided to put into words what I need to say, you may ignore this of course, I love you unconditionally. I love you!

I have been feeling sad about the things I miss in our relationship, I miss you holding my hand, I miss us kissing, I miss you telling me you love me spontaneously, I miss our intimacy also.

When you hurt your back and were in incredible pain I got scared of hurting you and initiating anything that might harm you. Time went by and I thought that when you felt well enough I would know it, nothing changed and I began to feel that you weren’t interested anymore; I began to feel insecure and sad about it. I didn't talk to you about it because I was embarrassed.

It's got harder and harder to even try talking about it. Maybe you don't find me attractive, maybe you are bored? These things can happen. Or maybe you feel like I do, that we just fell in a rut and because we find it hard to talk about these things it has gone on for this long…"

**shyone99** · 08-25-2010 01:05 PM

Take it from someone who knows, dont push your mans back, its so easy to re injure. Just ask if he would maybe be up for lying on his back while you kneel over his face and her performs oral on you. Then his back will be just fine.

**stressed** · 08-25-2010 05:45 PM

Good idea to email instead.
In case you haven't sent it yet:

Originally Posted by rkellogs

I decided to put into words what I need to say, you may ignore this of course, I love you unconditionally. I love you!

Remove sentence in bold. No, he may not ignore it, but you don't have to tell him so either. You need an answer.

Originally Posted by rkellogs

I have been feeling sad about the things I miss in our relationship, I miss you holding my hand, I miss us kissing, I miss you telling me you love me spontaneously, I miss our intimacy also.

Remove sentence in bold. If you tell him you've been feeling sad for months over something that is "his fault" he may feel as if you haven't been happy with him since. That you have been pretending to be happy but you are not. Even if we know that's not what you mean, he might perceive it as such.

I think the rest looks fine.
Let us know how he reacts to it.
Good luck!