I don't like having sex with my husband...

**QuarterLifeCrisis** · 08-25-2010 09:48 PM

How do I tell my husband that I don't like having sex with him? We've been together for 6 years and it's always been like a chore for me. Im breathing hard and sweating at the end, and he thinks its because I had a good time, but really it was me trying desperately to have an orasm....help...any advice would be much appreciated.

**dr.mansview** · 08-25-2010 10:07 PM

don't tell him..why do you not enjoy it?..is he a poor lover?..do you not like sex?..start telling him what it is you would like him to do to you..

**lizzardb63** · 08-26-2010 08:26 AM

You can't tell him you don't enjoy sex with him. That could ruin your marriage and damage his confidence. A relationship comes down to communication (and not just spitting it out there). Explore new things, try different positions, try different lubes. Find out what makes you tick and what feels good for you and if he really loves you and wants to be intimate with you he'll try those things. It is common for women not to orgasm, so you're not alone with that. You can't put the blame on him either, it's not his fault if you don't communicate with him what you want. He is doing what he thinks pleases you because that's what you made him think you like. If you don't like something speak up! If you do like something, speak up! Thats the only way you both will be satisfied.

**rcoreyus** · 08-26-2010 01:51 PM

Is he trying to do what you want and have you told him what that is?

**stressed** · 08-26-2010 02:21 PM

Instead of struggling to reach an orgasm try to enjoy sex for what it is. Tell him what you like, try new things on him yourself, forget about reaching an orgasm for a while and just enjoy it. He thinks you are tired afterwards because you had a good time. I'd assume that this is what you tell him every time: that you did have a good time. If you won't tell him that things need to change (in a caring manner and not by accusing him) then he will never change. He cannot read your mind.

**Hooster** · 08-27-2010 03:51 AM

Struggling to reach an orgasm is self defeating. If the sex is good you should be struggling to delay the orgasm. If you can find them, there are videos online of Japanese women giving each other a sensual massage. In many cases the lady on the receiving end is obviously doing her very best to calm down and slow down her arousal but she usually fails miserably and explodes into a glorious orgasm through the expert ministrations of the lady giving the massage.
Your sex life needs to change and your husband has to learn the skills that will make it worthwhile and enjoyable for both of you.

**lizzardb63** · 08-27-2010 08:06 AM

Ten to 15 percent of American women have never experienced an orgasm.

Only 35 percent of the female population will orgasm during intercourse.

Reasons for failure to climax include: sexual ignorance, sexual anxiety, and fear of letting go.

A sexual response is a complex blend of many physical and psychological variables.

What a woman expects, how she believes she should respond, and how she thinks she should act, will all impact how she experiences, behaves during, and reports her orgasmic event.

-- Pathways to Pleasure, Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., Sexologist and Adult Sexuality Educator, 2000.

**lizzardb63** · 08-27-2010 08:07 AM

You're not alone. The anatomy of a women's body is complex. Stop blaming your husband!

**WildChild** · 08-27-2010 08:11 AM

Originally Posted by Hooster

Struggling to reach an orgasm is self defeating. If the sex is good you should be struggling to delay the orgasm. If you can find them, there are videos online of Japanese women giving each other a sensual massage. In many cases the lady on the receiving end is obviously doing her very best to calm down and slow down her arousal but she usually fails miserably and explodes into a glorious orgasm through the expert ministrations of the lady giving the massage.
Your sex life needs to change and your husband has to learn the skills that will make it worthwhile and enjoyable for both of you.

A couple points here; in all probability the ladies in question are acting.
While men may do well to delay orgasm, my observation has been that can intensify the experience when they do orgasm, women can easily cum over and over again. A skilled lover can help us achieve a series of 'mini' orgasms building up to something really intense and then bring us pleasurably back down with a lower level of intensity.

It isn't just that the man needs to learn and be open to learning, the woman needs to know her body and responses and be willing and able to communicate what she is feeling and needs.