Sex = love? Love = Sex?

**Hooster** · 08-27-2010 03:31 AM

I have been reading through some of the threads here and it seems to be a common idea that sex and love are very strongly related.

It interests me because on this very day I was discussing the issue with a delightful lady friend of mine from Thailand. She is not my lover but nice to be around. Anyway the topic of sex and love came up and she has strong opinions about it. She believes that they are totally separate, love is something sacred and special but sex is more like a bodily function, a need that has to be met, just like eating and drinking.

The reason this topic came up at all is that my partner is away and my Thai friend figured I would be a bit sexually frustrated. I told her that I love my partner and I would not consider doing any sexual act without her being involved, even though that meant I may feel some frustration from time to time, when she is not around, not in the mood, not feeling well, etc.

The Thai lady said that if she was married to a man and could not have sex with him for whatever reason she saw nothing wrong with him visiting "working girls", or having some kind of short term affair, as long as he did not love the other woman. as long as he had sex as a kind of physical recreation and there was no love involved it was fine with her.

What do you think of this? I think her attitude is selfless and endearing but it does not change the way I feel about having sex outside my relationship.

Maybe religion and upbringing have a lot to do with how we feel about this issue. She told me that she is Buddhist and according to her religion there is nothing sacred about sex...

**WildChild** · 08-27-2010 07:58 AM

I think it is a matter of what you bring to it.
Sex can be a purely physical act and for me that can get boring over the long term. It can be a sublime and deeply spiritual act of love, an ultimate joining of the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. Sex can be fun and playful or very serious business.
Your attitude, intention and what you are willing to put into it make the difference.

**LanaBear** · 08-27-2010 04:06 PM

I think it depends on the person and what they are wanting...

I would find it hard though to be in a committed relationship and feel that love and sex were separate. To me, they go hand in hand, while in a committed relationship.

However, when someone is single and wanting to be single and not wanting to be in a relationship, IMO, just because you are having sex doesn't mean there is the need for love. Sometimes, for some, the purely physical relationship is fine for where they are at in their life.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-27-2010 04:07 PM

Religion may have a play in it..

Or up-bringing, certainly.

Some are bought up that sex is sex, meaningless and you "must" please your man, not get jealous and allow him to do what ever he wants, sex is sex, love is love...

I don't find that endearing, imagine all the men in the World being able to have that type of life? They wouldn't know how to love, respect, certainly not honor and obviously have no morals...in my opinon.. Surely, if your given the world, you take it. IDK.

I don't think it's insecurity either (certainly people are), however, you have to wonder how strongly engrained it is in her mind, that it's okay for a man to do what he wants sexually and not play on her mind, and heart deep down inside...

Dangerous, and I don't believe right...

Certainly there is a fine line between a woman refusing to give sex to a man, morals say leave first.. But, in love they can't.. There I would actually understand sexual relations outside the marriage, why should someone suffer so much? At the hands of someone else?

Sex to me, is sex..

Being in love, and having sex, is bonding, and falling deeper in love.

I believe that a person can love someone so much they allow them to do things, that otherwise, they wouldn't and talk themselves into it's okay because he/she loves me, it's only sex. But, it's not respecting, and I don't believe as a result, the person doing the act, is in love with that person either... Being in -love means you couldn't contemplate it, wouldn't fathom it, not even a thought..

In love is a very, very, strong emotion and a real one.

**jns** · 08-27-2010 07:17 PM

Originally Posted by Hooster

It interests me because on this very day I was discussing the issue with a delightful lady friend of mine from Thailand. She is not my lover but nice to be around. Anyway the topic of sex and love came up and she has strong opinions about it. She believes that they are totally separate, love is something sacred and special but sex is more like a bodily function, a need that has to be met, just like eating and drinking.

... ...

The Thai lady said that if she was married to a man and could not have sex with him for whatever reason she saw nothing wrong with him visiting "working girls", or having some kind of short term affair, as long as he did not love the other woman. as long as he had sex as a kind of physical recreation and there was no love involved it was fine with her.

What do you think of this? I think her attitude is selfless and endearing but it does not change the way I feel about having sex outside my relationship.

Maybe religion and upbringing have a lot to do with how we feel about this issue. She told me that she is Buddhist and according to her religion there is nothing sacred about sex...

This attitude is not uncommon among several cultures of Southeast Asia. My wife is Thai and I have been visiting Thailand for over 20 years. I speak Thai and have been with her in many places and situations that tourists and even many married to Thais never see.

What is also possible is for a woman to have a Thai husband who she sends money to and sees every once in a while, yet be married to a foreign national and living in another country.

Ask her about "feeding the ducks" in relation to a woman who feels her man is disrespecting her by running around with other women.

**Mes T** · 08-27-2010 07:50 PM

Living in Asia these past two years, I've found that Asian and Western views on sex and love, for the most part, are like night and day. Completely and utterly different.

**Hooster** · 08-27-2010 08:01 PM

I am new to this forum but I must say I am very impressed by it. There are a lot of people here who take the time to contribute with their interesting opinions. Thanks everyone.

I have to ask about feeding the ducks...

**WildChild** · 08-27-2010 08:05 PM

Not to hijack the thread, but Mes, what differences have you noted?

**Mes T** · 08-28-2010 02:22 AM

Well for instance in Korea, I kid you not, every single female co-worker that I've spoken with has openly admitted to not loving their husband. But, they stay married for appearances sake, since that is what is most important in their culture.

From my experience and the experiences of almost every single woman I have spoken to, who has had sex with a Korean man, it seems that the men are not aware that women are sexual beings as well, who can experience pleasure. In their culture sex seems to be only for the men to enjoy.

And I'm not bashing Korea, this is a genuine observation. In many ways, their culture seems to be decades behind what I am used to.

So the point to the OP, I guess, is that someone who comes from an Asian culture may have drastically different views than others.

**Hooster** · 08-28-2010 07:49 PM

Originally Posted by Mes_T

Well for instance in Korea, I kid you not, every single female co-worker that I've spoken with has openly admitted to not loving their husband. But, they stay married for appearances sake, since that is what is most important in their culture.

From my experience and the experiences of almost every single woman I have spoken to, who has had sex with a Korean man, it seems that the men are not aware that women are sexual beings as well, who can experience pleasure. In their culture sex seems to be only for the men to enjoy.

And I'm not bashing Korea, this is a genuine observation. In many ways, their culture seems to be decades behind what I am used to.

So the point to the OP, I guess, is that someone who comes from an Asian culture may have drastically different views than others.

Hey, thanks for that, wow... I never knew that about Korean men. I have had a Korean lady lover and my oh my, what a sexual being... I can tell you that a little effort put into pleasing her went a very very long way.

For me the pleasure of orally giving a woman an orgasm, feeling her whole body tightening and contracting, her thighs squeezing my face, her hands gripping my hair actually beats having an orgasm myself when inside her. Those poor Korean men, they don't know what they are missing and don't get me started on those gorgeous neglected women... I am sure they are not all like that but it is sad to hear that some are... What poor education...