Need a Woman's perspective on this matter

**I_Am_A_Man** · 08-28-2010 10:00 AM

So I've been talking to this girl for a while but she lives in a different city now for school. But anytime she comes back in town, we try and hang out and things have started heating up - we were getting pretty intimate (out of decency I wont post details or use crude language) on the dance floor. She was loving it and didn't want to make it obvious what was going on because she had a friend with her who has always had a crush on me and she didn't want to upset her.

So, after that night, she went back to school and I haven't hung out with her since. We text back and forth and she always hints at wanting to have sex but I have played it cool, teasing her with things like "you need to slow it down, I'm not that easy," etc. I do this so that I don't come across as desperate (I am not desperate, my sex life is fine) - I truly believe that women say suggestive things to test you so they can find out what you're intentions are and if you pass these tests, you can keep up the attraction.

So, last night, she is back in town for the evening, and I was at a concert and planned to go out afterwards, time permitting. I leave the show, and get a call from my buddy who is out at the bar with her and her friends. He calls and says "get up here, Stephanie has been asking about you all night."

So I get up there, I am definitely pretty drunk at this point, but not a problem because so is she. When I get there, I notice her dancing with this other dude and see them making out. Bar was closing in 20 mins so I ignored her and her new guy friend, and waited til we were outside to say hello to her. I didn't mention it to her, nor did she acknowledge it, but she was happy to see me and we made plans to hang out poolside today and get drinks.

Thing is, I feel like we have a strong physical attraction that could turn into sex if the opportunity presented itself. Her making out with the other guy doesn't bother me in the least because the night was nearly over and I wasn't expecting anything to happen in such short notice being that it has been 5 wks. since I saw her last. I have no real strong, emotional feelings for her other than the physical attraction I have to her. She is clearly attracted to me still, based on her body language and her repeatedly asking my friend about me when I was gone.

So basically I need some advice on how to play this. When I see her today, do I acknowledge it and play it off as a non-factor (in my mind it is) or do I just ignore it? I'm not sure if she knows that I saw her making out with that guy though. I do know that for a lot of women, making out is often meaningless and women do this all the time but nothing more comes of it. The guy often gets too pushy and exposes too much interest too early and it scares the woman off. I have done it before and have learned from my mistake. But, I have never been in this situation before so I'm wondering the best way to approach this so that I don't lose any attraction.

Thanks in advance

**jns** · 08-28-2010 11:50 AM

You know this girl, but are not in a relationship with her, exclusive or otherwise. When you see her making out after going to a concert without her, you are a bit jealous, but won't admit to it.

If you want to have more of a relationship with her and take it beyond flirting, you will have to talk with her and see if you both can come to a common understanding. A relationship will take more work on both of your parts.

**Hooster** · 08-28-2010 08:05 PM

Agree with jns. There is nothing wrong with sitting down with her and telling her it has been a pleasure to get to know her and you have developed feelings for her. Tell her you care about her. Then leave the rest to her. If she really does like you she will be thrilled and happy. If she is just playing games with you she will probably see that it is time to leave. A win win situation I think...

**WildChild** · 08-28-2010 11:07 PM

Thing is, gentlemen, he's not saying he has 'feelings' for her, only that he is physically attracted and thinks they could have sex. That isn't the same thing as wanting a relationship or caring - at least not to a woman. If that is All he wants he does need to be up front that he isn't interested in anything else. Then she can decide if that is what she wants.

**LanaBear** · 08-29-2010 12:20 AM

Originally Posted by WildChild

Thing is, gentlemen, he's not saying he has 'feelings' for her, only that he is physically attracted and thinks they could have sex. That isn't the same thing as wanting a relationship or caring - at least not to a woman. If that is All he wants he does need to be up front that he isn't interested in anything else. Then she can decide if that is what she wants.

Completely agree. Be open and honest with want you want out of the relationship, if it's just sex, clear that up first and foremost. If she is wanting the same, then, go on and do want your attraction is wanting you to do. If she's not, then, leave it alone because it will just be one big emotional headache for her.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-29-2010 01:51 AM

I do however agree that there is a tad of jealousy, involved, not over the other guy persay, rather, ego

If she was asking about me, why be on the dancefloor doing the same thing with someone else, instead of waiting to see if I get there?

I would say " as you said she was drunk, no probs, so was you. That alcohol makes her very flirtatious. She is single, so there, she can do what she wants...

If your thinking as WC stated, that she does have "sex" when comfortable that there is a physical attraction on both behalfs, that you are un-sure how to approach it, then just pull her to you and kiss her, after spending a fair bit of time with her on that "date"...

Go from there.