I don't want to have sex anymore.

**asiangrace** · 08-29-2010 11:41 AM

I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years. We adore each other. However, I hate sex to the point where I dread it. I don't want to have it anymore. I'm insanely attracted to him and he is to me, but for some reason, I can't stand intercourse. It's become a chore and I use to be good at hiding it, but now I'm not (good at hiding it). I'm afraid this is going to come in between our relationship. He won't leave me because I have a low sex drive, he's not that shallow. However, I do think it's going to become a fundamental, long-term problem. We want to get married...I can't imagine myself hating sex for the rest of my life.

I seriously think I'd be happier in our relationship if it was sex free.

I can't afford a sex therapist. I don't know who to turn to anymore. I am so frustrated and distraught with myself. I want to love sex.

I'm seriously at the point where I want to suggest he find another girl to have sex with and just come home to me. I'd really be okay with that since it wouldn't be behind my back.

How else would I tell him that I don't want to have sex anymore? It's not that I don't want to have sex with him...I would love to want to! I just dont' want to have sex with anyone. Period.

**jns** · 08-29-2010 12:34 PM

Originally Posted by asiangrace

Yes, we had unprotected sex. But that's not uncommon for us to do. I am getting on birth control next week -- haven't been able to due to no health insurance but just found out I can get it through Planned Parenthood -- and condoms tend to irritate my skin. He has always been extremely careful and has never missed a "pull-out".

Originally Posted by asiangrace

I totally understand! I don't know if I've ever experienced an actual orgasm from penetration either. It feels good, but no "climax" feel like I do with a clitoral orgasm!

Originally Posted by asiangrace

I have been on birth control for the past few weeks. Last night, my boyfriend came inside me for the first time and it burned! The burning sensation lasted for about an hour after sex and hurt when I urinated.

It was the first time he has come inside me (only guy I've ever had sex with, so I can't compare this experience with any other). Is this normal and will this go away eventually?

Also, a sidenote: I'm freaked out about getting pregnant even while on BC. I know it is 99% effective, but I'm scared I'm going to be in that 1%. We are in a dedicated, loving, loyal relationship and I'm not scared of him leaving me, I'm just scared of getting pregnant when we are not ready for it. Somebody please give me peace of mind?

asiangrace, in your past posts you have said you climax through clitoral stimulation, but not through penetration. Do you enjoy orgasm? Have you ever climaxed with your bf by manually stimulating yourself while he is penetrating you? I know much of sex has been traumatic for you. I think the hormonal changes from the birth control pills may have something to do with it. Have you tried going back to what you were doing before pills? I'm sure the worry of getting pregnant also is a problem. And with a minimal budget, you may not be able to get several forms of reliable bc. Have you tried natural condoms? I did not read all of your prior posts.

Having another girl to have sex with for your bf may be a minefield. She may want all of him and he may become smitten with her. At the very least, he will have to spend some time with her. It may be better for him to have a love relationship with her and with you but where you each are fine with it and know each other, even do things together from time to time. Additionally there may be some benefit to the other being a ldr. This will try to keep the jealousy at bay. Is your bf up to this? I would say most guys could not keep it going smoothly.

**Texinator** · 08-29-2010 01:38 PM

Is it just intercourse, or do you dread sex in general, like also giving and receiving oral?

**Hopeless Dork** · 08-29-2010 03:00 PM

I think when you are even concieving of the idea of asking him to get sex elsewhere you are headed for trouble. Imagine you were a much more sexual woman and he just shrugged his shoulders one day and said meh, you can find another guy to sleep with... just make me breakfast in the morning. Its a very very very hurtful suggestion, 1. It implies they have no control over their sexuality and must put their penis in someone (when masturbation could help while your in a dryspell) 2.. it shows a disregaurd for fidelity... which ... can sound scary especially to someone that loves you so much.

Think long and hard before going to such extremes. Sex is not always empty... sometimes the physical connection can be so strong emotions follow... and whos to say he might not come home when he finds that someone else that he not only connects to sexually , but mentally as well.

Both are needed in a relationship hun, or else your just friends and roomates. Without passion and intimacy, you could marry your best friend susie and it would work out even better as you all can even share clothes. The reason heterosexual people usually marry the opposite sex has more to do with love than anything else... but intimacy is generally a huge factor. Unless both parties are asexual, then thats a different ball game. But here you have a sexual man that loves you, that you love... and I'm not saying have sex when you don't want to... but .. it wouldn't hurt to compromise.

Unlike men, you don't have to be 'in the mood' for an encounter.. ky... and some nice relaxation of your muscles... and you can still enjoy the bonding, the kissing, the looking into his eyes... even if your vagina isn't achieving the orgasm, the act of making love doesn't have to be about pleasure but instead connection until you get yourself in the frame of mind where it can be both pleasure and connection... and that is.. awesome.

**Thomas Hepburn** · 08-30-2010 02:29 AM

At least you are honest enough to say to him to find sex elsewhere. You must be prepared for this "final solution" if all esle fails. As Hopeless Dork says, you could be on very sticky ground though. Try all other measures first. You need to consider that most healthy men need regular sex, and the pure release of their fluid is healthy for the prostate. Have you tried manual or oral stimulation for him. Don't wait for him to ask, offer it at regular intervals and maybe this will suffice for him. If he loves you it probably will. best of luck x

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-30-2010 03:25 AM

Asiangrace,

You've been a member here for quite some time and I am so glad that you've chosen to ask something so important to you, here on this Forum.

jns, did a great thing by showing us past posts, it enables a few other points to be raised.

I'm freaked out about getting pregnant even while on BC.

I think it's a Doctor's visit... Your scared to get pregnant. Then there are other problems, you don't like the associated problems that the condoms are causing, irritating you, and when he came for the first time inside of you you burned..

The only time you've enjoyed any orgasm is clitoral...

Some men's semen is acidic.. It can burn... I'm not sure of the reason, cause or how to change it, but I do believe there is an answer there.

With Condoms, it should not burn, iritate, if you are using spermaside, and I think you need one that is gentle...

This is all still a learning curb sweet, don't give up, there are issues to deal with that's all...

CW

**Hopeless Dork** · 08-30-2010 09:04 AM

CW makes an excellent point , it sounds like you have been havign some problems with the technicalities and that can turn ANYONE off sex for a bit .. but I would suggest anything under the sun, dr visit, counselor visit, gyno visit, change of bC options, trying a different condom type, explaining to your s.o what you need to feel more pleasure... but from everything you have described about your love for this man and his love for you asking him to sleep with others seems like a bad decision.

I think that type of scenerio would only ever be anywhre near something that should be partially considered if one was physically incapacitated and totally unable to provide their partner with physical intimacy of any sort. Because there are so many things you can do with each other to facilitate his orgasms, his need to feel sexually connected, his need to feel desirable that don't involve a third party...

Oral sex, manual sex, mutual masturbation, intercourse with lube and last but not least... making out with him while he masturbates or providing him with visual/auditory stimulation while he does... etc.

There is a bonding that comes from being the recipient of one's sexual affection, not to mention the bonding and intimacy that is shared in being the source of your partners pleasure... I wouldn't deligate that to an outside source unless there was no hope for recovery. And your situation is not hopeless, its a spell, and once you get to the root of it, things will get better and your feelings about sex will change... and when they do you won't have to deal with all the emotions that would be hard to repair once broken if you ask him to seek sex outside of your committed relationship.

**caterpillar79** · 08-30-2010 04:42 PM

As far as I remember, I didn't like sex when I was on BC pills and even injected BC. After a year trying those out and freaking out everytime my period gets delayed, I decided to have ligation (if you want to conceive later, just have it tied, not cut). Since then, and of course, after dealing with my traumas regarding sex, I turned out to be very sexual. I don't know how it happened - maybe hormones, what my hubby does to get me excited?

Be patient.