now he wants anal sex

**darknlovely** · 08-31-2010 02:58 PM

hi everyone,

I am new here and like the forum so far. I have been with my now bf for 8 years and we are enaged to be married. Recently I have noticed that whenever I am on my period he wants to have anal sex. I am not sure how I feel about it we have done it 2 times now and he wanted it other times but I sort of laghed it off so it didnt go further. The first time was adventureous for me since I never tried it beofore-he was very gentle used lube but no condom and ejaculated in there. It conly hurt a little bit still a little enjoyable. The 2nd time I did not like so much he was still gentle but this time it hurt alot more and I did not find it pleasureable and noticed a little bleeing.

My main concern is that the anus is not meant for this and I feel like I could have issues in the long run, here are my questions:

what are some of the long term complications? is it more safe to do just once a while instead of too often?

is it dangerous to ejaculate in there?

how can express to my boyfriend that I dont like it so much without hurting his feelings? I understand that relationships are about give and take but I am not sure how to go about this one.

**LanaBear** · 08-31-2010 03:14 PM

Anal sex is fine as long as you are comfortable with it. It's fine to do whenever you want, I'm sure it won't be your only form of sex. I enjoy it when I'm on my period or other random times throughout the month and have never had any problems.

It is not dangerous for him to ejaculate there.

If you don't like it, then you don't like it, you should never ever do something that you do not like or that you do not find comfort in.

If it is something that you are open to, try different positions. The spooning position is probably the most comfortable and enjoyable of all, IMO. But you just need to be open and honest with him about it, if he loves you, he'll respect your feelings towards this.

**PandaPaws** · 08-31-2010 03:17 PM

Congratulations on your engagement!

I haven't done it, but i've researched a bit. As far as I know, as long as you're prepared - i.e. lube, warming up the anus by opening it slowly, maybe start with a finger or toy before the penis, and he goes slow, it should be safe. Sure there is a chance of ripping if he isn't gentle, but i mean there's a chance for injury if you bite down on his penis during head too, you just have to know what you're doing.
It's safe to ejaculate in there... it will come back out next time you dump anyway...

If you don't like it or feel comfortable with it though, you need to tell your fiance. Maybe there is a way you can do it that you will enjoy, and you won't find that out unless you do somehting other than what you have done now. It might take more than 2 times to figure that out though. However, if you just do not like it, then you don't. He should love and respect you enough to not make you do things in the bedroom you do not enjoy. As long as you are pleasuring him in other ways, he should not feel deprived. There are lots of women who would not even TRY anal.

**WildChild** · 08-31-2010 05:17 PM

It isn't a big deal. But it is what you make it. We've had a ton of discussion on this, why not read through some of the threads?

**Mes T** · 08-31-2010 05:23 PM

The bleeding thing you gotta be careful about. Unlike a tear in the vagina, a tear in the anus could get infected or take a particularly long time to heal. Give yourself some extra time to "recover" in between sessions.

But hey if you don't like it then just tell your boyfriend. It might hurt his feelings a little (and it might not), but that's way better than him continuing to do it and then finding out that you don't like it way later down the road. Tell him now and save both yourselves a lot of awkwardness and embarrassment down the line!

Also, you could suggest inserting something into HIS anus and see how HE likes it, so he can experience directly what you mean!