Thread: help with penetration problems

Originally Posted by Little

Well, not in the bathtub, really. We took a shower/bath together to loosen me up because I was having a REAL problem with it, like I said. He looked really good in the shower So, I just got aroused and the warm water let me get relaxed and it was a good beginning before we went back to the bed.
I was so relaxed that first time that him entering barely hurt at all and the process of intercourse was really enjoyable! Second and third times, I was sore and that is when the stretching and pain began to get to me, but I had that great first time to look forward to again when I was more stretched out. That's how I got through the pain.

Ahh! Gotcha..yeah we've taken showers together and it helps alot and there's been times where I swear he could enter-but we try and I just dry up and tense up-it's crazy, it really is my fear of pain i know it is-I wish there was a way to numb everything..lol-thank you for all your help though

hey,
am now married for 5 months. still my hus couldnt penetrate me. we were using gel and al and stil no good. every one is tellling about having enough foreplay before sex. but iyt isnt wokring for us becouse, after the first attempt fails, his penis loses erection. it is erect all the time before that. so once it losess erection, it turns impossible to make a second attempt. we r getting more than frustrated over this. help !

Since your problem seems to be a lack of overall bodily relaxation, here are some things that you can try. They have worked for me, as I am not so afraid of pain but am built very slender and small down there. My mother is a therapist, and has a wonderful book on sex therapy, for all kinds of problems and conditions - mental and physical. Here are some suggestions for what you are experiencing. First of all, don't think anything is wrong with you! You are a virgin, (at least to full fledged sex with a penis) and this is 100% natural!

Start of by not worrying and thinking so much about the genitals themselves. As far as I am concerned, forget they are even there! Concentrate on eachother as human beings, and think about how much you love eachother and that you are learning about echother and what a fun ride that can be. Put on some of your favorite relaxing music, ocean sounds are good for me, as are whale songs and thunderstorm sounds.

Then think about your bodies, not your genitals, your bodies. Give eachother full body messages. Have a light conversation while doing so if you like, just relax your minds and your muscles. Rub shoulders, rub backs, rub feet! Just chill yourselvs out and don't even worry about sex. Do not approach the genital area at all.

You can do this alone for a night or two if you want or longer, then the next night move onto some more gential-oriented stuff if you want. It simply depends on how relaxed you become.

As you massage, slowly, whenever you feel it is right, start moving towards the genital area. Take your time, I can't stress that enough! Perhaps start to focus a bit more on what your genital area may be feeling, but don't concentrate on it too much, keep talking if you want or not, and just keep relaxing.

Realize how lovely and amazing the female reproductive system is, and that you have one! Think about all the amazing things it can do. If you feel like it, let your husband lightly rub on it in places like the clitoris, but not actually penetrate. Have him do this some, then move back to rubbing the shoulders or the back. Have him go back and forth as many times as you and he wish. keep concentrating on relaxing and not worrying about anything. Do the same to him if you wish, to keep things equal (I know that would relax me more, to not feel as if all of the attention was on me.)

Make sure the atmosphere is physically warm enough, because if your chilly your muscles won't relax enough.

Keep loving on eachother, and slowly but surely, get to the point where its not his hands that are massaging your genitals but his penis. THen he could move back and forth from hands to penis, until the penis is not such a big deal.

Have him start the penetration ONLY when you are REALLY lubed up and feeling VERY aroused, mentally and physically. Don't rush it! If you need to wait and stop and go again the next night then DO IT. If he is worth it, he will be patient! Have him read this with you if you want and see what he wants.

He penetrates a tiny bit at a time then pulls out slowly. TINY BIT at a time. Then the head. Then a tiny bit past the head. Then before you know, you may not even realize, you will be having sex. Take as many days as you need. I don't care if hes giving you a body massage for a month before he gets in. You need to relax or its not going to happen.

You cannot expect to stay a virgin until marraige and then have everything be Disney land A-OK instantly. It takes time and patience and there are lessons to be learned.

It sounds like almost more of a mental thing with you, I seriously doubt anything is physically wrong with you. I think the pain is "sharp" because you mentally freak a little bit when he is in some and TENSE real fast. That's a sure sharp pain, I've done it many times. You just can't do that! The preliminary massage and other thing will relax the mind first, and prepare the body.

IT IS WORTH IT! Nothing can replace the bonding and phsyical bliss of sex. Keep on it! Good luck!

Well the honeymoon is never quite what you picture it will be like.
For you newlyweds what you need is a lot of water-based lubrication. When I first got married I didn't lubricate enough and/or long enough. To this day if I am not aroused enough it hurts, even after 3 kids, so you can see how important lubrication is. First you need a lot of foreplay, then try being on top so you can be in control and not be afraid of being hurt. What you are experiencing might be vaginismus, an involuntary contraction, which I guess is like a muscle cramp. If you can learn to trust him and relax it would help a great deal. In any case it's going to hurt at first sort of like anything else that has to broken in. Once you get past the discomfort it gets a lot better. Just go slowly.

have you tried oral sex before intercorse? I used to find that if my man
went down on me for about 15-20 mins before sex, it made me relax all my muscles in my body, and as I would lay on the bed I would picture myself floating and laying on clouds, aloowing myself to let go (if you will) of any tension in my body and even in my mind. and as I started to cum, my natual lubricant would start flowing and it was just enough to loosen up my vagina to have sex...hope you can get to the next level, once you get there, you'll love it

So far no one has mentioned the benefits of some wine. Don't get rip roaring drunk, but maybe half a glass of wine would help you get that warm and relaxed feeling you need to open up and enjoy.

Do you do any mental prep beforehand? You could read the racier parts of a romance novel or watch a movie together that turns you on.

How far in advance you start getting yourself ready also makes a difference. Start early in the day thinking sexy thoughts and by bedtime he may have a wild woman on his hands.

Blessings to you both.

Hi one of the reply threas talked that her bf broke her hymen by his finger,what did you mean. and what you mean by vaginal stretch.