Thread: help with penetration problems

I am new to the site but have read some very helpful comments so i am hoping yu can help me. A little like the married virgin I have not yet had full intercourse, however I can use tampons - a recent break through. I have also had fingers up there and have managed to get vaginal trainers up there ( from the sex therapist). However when it comes to intercourse with my husband - ( Also with other partners before him when we tried) I tense up and then I feel pain and we stop. I have been seeing the therapist for some time as my husband as lovely and understandng as he is is getting very frustrated now - I dont blame him. I love him and I love the feeling of sex, I masturbate and I want more - any suggestions?

Originally Posted by Newbee

I am new to the site but have read some very helpful comments so i am hoping yu can help me. A little like the married virgin I have not yet had full intercourse, however I can use tampons - a recent break through. I have also had fingers up there and have managed to get vaginal trainers up there ( from the sex therapist). However when it comes to intercourse with my husband - ( Also with other partners before him when we tried) I tense up and then I feel pain and we stop. I have been seeing the therapist for some time as my husband as lovely and understandng as he is is getting very frustrated now - I dont blame him. I love him and I love the feeling of sex, I masturbate and I want more - any suggestions?

Exactly-except he cant even put a finger-I mean it's a sharp pain-I could deal w/a dull pain but it's just not a good pain all! There's gotta be something we can do! Im a christian woman and have saved myself for marriage and now this..it's really killing me! But good luck! and let me know if you find something that helps!

well if the pain is that sharp i would ask my doctor about it! otherwise do everything you can to relax and use lubricant. I had to learn to do breathing exercises and my husband had to be patient as well cuz i was just honestly scared. Turning off the lights and lighting candles helped. We've been having sex now for over five months and it still takes a good 5-10 mins for him to get in but he loves it cuz that means I'm really tight and it feels awesome once he gets in. I would try a lubricant like vaseline or KY liquid... just dont pressure urself cuz it'll make things worse - and remember that you're making love with the man you're married to. I had to tell myself that I was welcoming my husband into myself instead of thinking a huge penis wanted to stab me lol

just take it slow and breathe and if you're a christian woman - definitaly pray about it (as im sure you already have)

Originally Posted by KD22

well if the pain is that sharp i would ask my doctor about it! otherwise do everything you can to relax and use lubricant. I had to learn to do breathing exercises and my husband had to be patient as well cuz i was just honestly scared. Turning off the lights and lighting candles helped. We've been having sex now for over five months and it still takes a good 5-10 mins for him to get in but he loves it cuz that means I'm really tight and it feels awesome once he gets in. I would try a lubricant like vaseline or KY liquid... just dont pressure urself cuz it'll make things worse - and remember that you're making love with the man you're married to. I had to tell myself that I was welcoming my husband into myself instead of thinking a huge penis wanted to stab me lol

just take it slow and breathe and if you're a christian woman - definitaly pray about it (as im sure you already have)

well yeah its like a sharp pain and then once i see what has got to go in that little whole i freak out-and know it's gonna hurt like crazy! so i guess being tense is part of the problem too-but im gonna try the breathing exercises and just try to relax-even though I constantly try to relax..thanks again!

Originally Posted by lauralight

A hymen is a quick one time pain, if that's what your resisting breaking. It literally has a whole 2 second pain, then some bleeding and a bit of soreness occurs. It's so worth it. You'r not going to die or have as much pain as your blowing it up to be in your head.

Yeah but my pain tolerance is ridiculous-seriously! So it's not gonna be a lil pain-and me thinking it's not gonna be a lil pain is gonna make worse-cuz im never able to just relax-I dunno what im gonna do

I went through the same thing. I am (was? Not sure ...) very tiny inside, and a previous partner had damaged my hymen with his fingers, making it very sensitive. I could barely entertain a finger! But I recently lost my virginity. Have you tried it in the bathtub? That's how I eventually loosened up enough to get it in without a significant amount of pain.
It is still going to hurt, even after the first time, especially if you are small enough to have had troubles with tampons in the past. My hymen, while a big problem, did not hurt half as much as stretching out my vagina itself.
Just relax, trust your husband, maybe take some tylenol, and enjoy

Originally Posted by Little

I went through the same thing. I am (was? Not sure ...) very tiny inside, and a previous partner had damaged my hymen with his fingers, making it very sensitive. I could barely entertain a finger! But I recently lost my virginity. Have you tried it in the bathtub? That's how I eventually loosened up enough to get it in without a significant amount of pain.
It is still going to hurt, even after the first time, especially if you are small enough to have had troubles with tampons in the past. My hymen, while a big problem, did not hurt half as much as stretching out my vagina itself.
Just relax, trust your husband, maybe take some tylenol, and enjoy

So you lost your virginity in the Bathtub..thats what your sayin as in it's easier to get it in while in water?! Hmm, that makes sense-Well, I can't even get his finger in..how bad of a hurt is it? and how do you continue after he's in you if it hurts?! and what do you mean stretching your Vagina hurt, what does that feel like-Im beginning to think it's not worth it-

Well, not in the bathtub, really. We took a shower/bath together to loosen me up because I was having a REAL problem with it, like I said. He looked really good in the shower So, I just got aroused and the warm water let me get relaxed and it was a good beginning before we went back to the bed.
I was so relaxed that first time that him entering barely hurt at all and the process of intercourse was really enjoyable! Second and third times, I was sore and that is when the stretching and pain began to get to me, but I had that great first time to look forward to again when I was more stretched out. That's how I got through the pain.