Need Some Honeymoon Advice

**johnny87** · 09-16-2010 02:53 AM

I soon will be married. I realize that this kind of thing happens everyday, but not to me! So I'm pretty excited about it.

I've been doing my homework, studying up on anything I can get my hands on as it concerns to married life. I know I can't really prepare for the majority of it (most of life is just about wingin' it), but it's probably the most meaningful life decision I've made up to this point, so I want to do what I can to prepare!

Backstory:

I am 24 years old, my soon-to-be wife is 23. We are both virgins.... through and through. I was her first boyfriend, she was my second girlfriend (My first ended badly after 5 years, but that's life). Neither of us have gone past the point of kissing (we're talking no tongue action either!), ever.

You may begin to see why I am here.

No, I'm not here to ask some inane question about what sex is going to be like, if it's going to hurt her, or the other handful of questions people usually ask. Believe me, I know the answers. I've studied up, remember?

However, I still would like to ask a couple questions about preparation for the wedding night.

For instance, I know she has very sensitive skin (she also can't use laundry softener without getting a rash; she also has some eczema on her shoulders) that tends to get dry as well. Since I don't know the full cause of the dryness and I don't know yet how the birth control will affect her (especially considering she hasn't ever taken birth control before now), I have tried to find a lubricant that will be as mild as possible, just in case if we have any problems with lack of natural lube (and just for fun too!). I know that water-based lubes fit with what I want. I already have a bottle of Astroglide (sadly the kind with glycerin, not the kind without it and paraban), but I'd like to pick up another brand that's glycerin-free. Any recommendations? If she were to have some sort of mild reaction to the lube, what would be the tell-tale signs (burning may not be a good indicator, since things might be a little tender the first time anyway)? Would there be any kind of cream/medication I could get just in case of mild irritation due to lubricant?

I know that UTI's and yeast infections are pretty common for honeymooners. I also know that proper hygiene is crucial to avoiding this (washing before sex, urinating after sex, not using things that disturb the cultures in her vagina or upset the pH balance, etc). However, I was thinking... and this might be crazy, I don't know: If acidophilus cultures (in creams, supplements, or yogurt) can help fight yeast infections, would there be anything I could do or take to reduce the amount of bad bacteria and increase the good bacteria in my body, in order to reduce the amount of bad bacteria I'm going to passing to her? Should I recommend anything to her that she could take leading up to the honeymoon?

This leads to other supplements. We both currently take a daily vitamin, but are there any extra vitamins/minerals/whatever (and I'm not talking about tiger penis or anything crazy like that, haha) that you would would recommend to help be all the more healthy overall and also for sexual health?

In case if she has a problem with the birth control and has to stop taking it, I've looked into getting some condoms on standby. I ordered an Okamoto variety pack, but I feel like the smell they have is too... weird. It doesn't smell like latex or lube, just kind of odd. Can anyone recommend a good condom? Since it's an important event, they can be a little pricey, I won't mind! Preferably one with a nice smell? Maybe one of the new polyisoprene types, like SKYN?

It may seem weird, but I've tried to eliminate a lot of the potential surprises when it comes to anything that might make her uncomfortable or unhealthy. I want it to be a relaxing, fun, youthfully awkward, but ultimately extremely enjoyable experience for her and I. I've read some about technique, but I don't have any grand delusions that I will be a sex professional when I first start out. I'm excited about learning about her body and getting to know her intimately more than anything else, so I won't be rushing into anything before she is ready physically and emotionally. I've waited my whole life to know her in that way, I will have no problem waiting until the right time to "consummate" the marriage.

Depending on timing (like how late the reception lasts), we may not quite make it "there" on the wedding night, but we will have a blast anyway!

If this was too long and you skipped to here, feel free to suggest what I should put in my "two people that have never had sex before" kit:

In My Honeymoon Kit (so far)

Astroglide Lubricant
Lots of bottles of water
A couple sets of sheets
Lots of towels
Clean underwear (Momma didn't raise no fool)
My hand-picked mix of music to lose my virginity to

Need Suggestions

2nd Lubricant
Massage Oil
Pre-honeymoon Vitamins/Supplements
Vaginal cream/medication to help in the case of irritation
Anything I have not thought of

**jackie4** · 09-16-2010 07:46 AM

it sounds to me that you have thought of every thing , oh do you have any brothers cause men like you are hard to find lol

**WildChild** · 09-16-2010 07:55 AM

Must commend you for putting so much thought and effort into this, I wish more people did. It may be a bit of a leap for you but I suggest visiting an "adult" shop, they are not all created alike. In my area Facinations and Smitten Kitten are much classier than many other shops. In general I think you will find that the sales people do know their products. There are a number of lubes that are paraben free and glycerin free. Astroglide tends to get sticky and you pretty much have to add water as you go. There are others that are much lighter and more pleasant to use. Some you might consider are; Yes, and some varieties of Pink and Gun Oil.

If your wife is paraben sensitive (I am) keep in mind that the lubrication/spermacide in condoms will contain it. Additionally latex sensitivity can cause problems- there again an adult shop is going to have much wider selection of condoms than you would find elsewhere.

What the pill is most likely to do is kill her libido, even women who are sexually active and loving it have found themselves become completely uninterested in sex while on the pill. This is a serious drawback. The two of you may want to consider other options such as a diaphram (although not an option if she is in fact paraben sensitive).

Good health in general is the best thing for sexual health. Both of you can do kegel exersizes to improve your responsiveness and control. A healthy diet, regular exersize and a positive, loving outlook are your best freinds for a good sex life.

**Hopeless Dork** · 09-16-2010 09:52 AM

I think you've done all the research and prep that you can do for the main event hon! I admire your tenacity in trying to prevent any problems... I bet you read the instructions before programming the time on the dvd player huh?

She's very fortunate to have someone so concerned for her well being and doing all sorts of yeast prevention tactics... and those are all great, but sometimes you just got to let things unfold... sex isn't like camping, you can't prepare for every little mishap and some will happen here or there along they way... but ppl have been having sex for a long time, like... forever, and as many little mishaps that happen here or there, people keep plugging along (no pun intended!)

Definitely bring lube that doesn't contain allergens, definitely pack birth control... and other than, bring a good attitude, sense of humor and the love you have for that woman... thats really all thats going to be necessary to have an awesome honeymoon.

**Trying Hard** · 09-16-2010 10:13 AM

... maybe a cigarette for after?
Are you for real? :- )
Congratulations on your wedding!

**LanaBear** · 09-16-2010 10:21 AM

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

Definitely bring lube that doesn't contain allergens, definitely pack birth control... and other than, bring a good attitude, sense of humor and the love you have for that woman... thats really all thats going to be necessary to have an awesome honeymoon.

Completely agree.

Regardless if all your preparation works or not, I think it is sweet. You've taken a lot of time to make sure she will be as comfortable as possible, that says a lot.

Good luck and congratulations!

**SaharaJim** · 09-16-2010 11:59 AM

Just a slight suggestion....maybe you already know.....but take the AGENDA which you may have all planned out ....and toss it into the trash. Prep for anything is good.
you seemed to have done VERY well. But I suspect that you also have a"mental picture" of how everything is "supposed to go". Toss it. Let what happens happen. As long as you remember it is about the two of you sharing pleasure...there is no agenda to be followed. Good luck and God bless you both.

**pretzel** · 09-16-2010 12:06 PM

Originally Posted by SaharaJim

Just a slight suggestion....maybe you already know.....but take the AGENDA which you may have all planned out ....and toss it into the trash. Prep for anything is good.
you seemed to have done VERY well. But I suspect that you also have a"mental picture" of how everything is "supposed to go". Toss it. Let what happens happen. As long as you remember it is about the two of you sharing pleasure...there is no agenda to be followed. Good luck and God bless you both.

Very, very well said Sahara.

**Texasred** · 09-16-2010 10:23 PM

You don't see this mentioned often, but if you're not using latex condoms, baby oil makes an excellent lube. There's not hardly any skin surface it will irritate, I've never heard of anyone being allergic to it, and it doesn't dry out and go away when you need it most like the water-based lubes do.

**johnny87** · 09-17-2010 12:19 AM

Thanks for all your great comments. Feel free to keep adding anything you might think of, I never get tired of learning new perspectives.

I'm still open to suggestions for stuff to pack in my honeymoon bag of tricks. Maybe there's something you think might be a good thing to have for fun, or in case of an accident (maybe I should take some icepacks, she can be a bit clumsy sometimes

), or just anything that you maybe have thought "it sure would be nice if I had a right now" while in bed.

Originally Posted by jackie4

oh do you have any brothers cause men like you are hard to find lol

Haha, nope. My best man and I share a lot of the same views and he's single, so you could go after him!

Originally Posted by WildChild

What the pill is most likely to do is kill her libido, even women who are sexually active and loving it have found themselves become completely uninterested in sex while on the pill. This is a serious drawback. The two of you may want to consider other options such as a diaphram (although not an option if she is in fact paraben sensitive).

Good health in general is the best thing for sexual health. Both of you can do kegel exersizes to improve your responsiveness and control. A healthy diet, regular exersize and a positive, loving outlook are your best freinds for a good sex life.

To be honest, I've been trying to look at the big picture on birth control, and I'm not a fan putting her in danger with the side effects. I've been a little apprehensive of the lower libido side effect as well, though I don't think that will be much of a problem at first, since we have both been waiting in anticipation. Then there's also the fact that we will probably be in various forms of foreplay for at least a couple hours before the first time we have intercourse, so I'm hoping that's enough to raise any lowered libidos

. However, hormonal birth control is definitely an area I'd like to do some more thinking about.

The bad thing about the paraben/glycerin/whatever allergies is that I won't know if she is sensitive until something starts hurting her (which is why I'm going to avoid as many allergens as possible). Are mild irritations something that just a good wash and a night's rest will take care of? Obviously, if it's too bad, I would take her to the doctor... but I'm really trying to avoid a hospital trip on my honeymoon.

Yes, I have been doing Kegel exercises in preparation. At some point when we are closer to openly discussing all this stuff, I might subtly slip her some information on the subject

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

I think you've done all the research and prep that you can do for the main event hon! I admire your tenacity in trying to prevent any problems... I bet you read the instructions before programming the time on the dvd player huh? : ) She's very fortunate to have someone so concerned for her well being and doing all sorts of yeast prevention tactics... and those are all great, but sometimes you just got to let things unfold... sex isn't like camping, you can't prepare for every little mishap and some will happen here or there along they way... but ppl have been having sex for a long time, like... forever, and as many little mishaps that happen here or there, people keep plugging along (no pun intended!)

Definitely bring lube that doesn't contain allergens, definitely pack birth control... and other than, bring a good attitude, sense of humor and the love you have for that woman... thats really all thats going to be necessary to have an awesome honeymoon.

I don't like studying about too many things, but I love learning about women (or rather, a particular woman). Like you've pointed out though, they just don't make an instruction manual for them (or maybe they do, but it's all written in Chinese

)!

In the end, the mishaps and blunders of our unlearned awkwardness will be a great time of bonding. I have no illusions of anything going like I plan, which is why I'd love to have as many "just in case" things as I can, but still be flexible and ready for anything life might throw our way ("You have a third nipple?! Fun!"). To put things in perspective here, I'm just going to be happy to have an attractive, naked lady, whom I love more than anything, in the same room with me. That's not something I'm going to be taking for granted!

All the preparation is more to make things easy for her. I know it's going to be stressful for her. Even if everything goes smoothly with the wedding, she's going to be slightly on edge because she's a little bit of a worrier. For any given big event, I prepare as much as I can and then enjoy the ride, whereas she tends to over-think all the worst case scenarios and then anxiously wait for them to happen. So, I know she's going to be stressed by the wedding and its myriad of possibilities of things that could go wrong.

Originally Posted by Trying Hard

... maybe a cigarette for after?
Are you for real? :- )
Congratulations on your wedding!

Neither of us smoke... but we share a common vice of dark chocolate. I definitely need to add some to kit.

I'm as real as it gets! Thank you!

Originally Posted by SaharaJim

Just a slight suggestion....maybe you already know.....but take the AGENDA which you may have all planned out ....and toss it into the trash. Prep for anything is good.
you seemed to have done VERY well. But I suspect that you also have a “mental picture" of how everything is "supposed to go". Toss it. Let what happens happen. As long as you remember it is about the two of you sharing pleasure...there is no agenda to be followed. Good luck and God bless you both.

My biggest fear is that she will assume that I expect everything to be perfect and then something goes wrong; I know that with the added stress of the wedding, and self-consciousness of being vulnerable and open in a way she's never been before, might lead her to having a breakdown. Now, let me say that I plan to reassure her as much as possible beforehand that this is not the case and that I have no presumptions of what is perfect and what isn't, only that we both are enjoying ourselves. Even at that, if she still lets things overwhelm her and has a breakdown, I know how to comfort her. She'll be feeling like a million bucks in no time!

Originally Posted by Texasred

You don't see this mentioned often, but if you're not using latex condoms, baby oil makes an excellent lube. There's not hardly any skin surface it will irritate, I've never heard of anyone being allergic to it, and it doesn't dry out and go away when you need it most like the water-based lubes do.

I might have some oil-base lube on hand for massages, and we may experiment with it at some point. I've heard coconut oil can be good for preventing yeast infections as well, so maybe I'll go that route.