23 year old boyfriend only wants sex once a month!?!?!?!??

**Tiffa** · 09-20-2010 06:29 AM

Hi everyone.

I'm a bit worried about my sex life with my boyfriend. I'm 25 years old and he's 23.

We've been dating for a year and a half. I know he loves me, he is affectionate and very sweet all the time. We don't really fight and are actually really great together. We have a close-knit group of friends and spend about 4/5 nights a week together.

The problem is that we only have sex about once every 3 or 4 weeks. I have spoken to him about it before and he really can't tell me why. He tells me i'm beautiful and sexy, but he just doesn't feel like it.

We had this discussion about 6 months ago because I was insecure about the amount of times we had sex in a month, and he couldn't tell me what the problem was then either. Then about 3 months after that he told me that he was bored of the same routine and felt like he was missing out on life and that we really needed to try and change things because he wanted to carry on with the relationship but was having some commitment issues, but did not want to make a mistake because he feels like I could be the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm a very relaxed, down-to-earth, simple girlfriend, I don't get jealous and he has all the space and freedom he wants, and I thought that maybe if I was more demanding that it would make things better - but it's just not me.

I don't want to pressurize him into talking about it, I don't want to bruise his ego but I really do feel that intimacy in a relationship is very important. I find myself becoming bitter and sometimes angry with him because of this, although I don't show it.

I would really love for him to get turned on and to initiate sex as often as I feel like it, but it seems he's happier to just fall asleep while cuddling. I am getting so frustrated and feel that maybe this is not going to work out, and that I will eventually need to break it off. I do not want to settle for second best but I also do not want to break up for the simple reason of not having enough sex.

At the end of the day, I am really unhappy, even though I love the guy... How can I get him to open up and does anyone have any idea why he would have such a low sex drive? Is it me? Is he bored again?

Is this normal? Do some men just have lower sex drives than most others? He is 23 years old, shouldnt he be horny just about all the time??

**WildChild** · 09-20-2010 07:09 AM

This is a really low sex drive. He should first rule out any physical causes. Low testosterone can cause serious, debililtating health ptoblems for men. He needs to be checked.

**sourpuss** · 09-20-2010 07:15 AM

Maybe you guys need to try new things together outside of the bedroom. It sounds like he's tired of the same old routine that your lives have gotten into.
Join a rec sports league together, take a class together, try to think of fun things to do outside of the home and outside of your group of friends. I've read a lot that exciting/new shared activities are great for rekindling romance between partners. It's like the first few months of dating all over again. Where each person is willing to be spontaneous and fun and try new things.

Try to think of things that are active and get his blood flowing and spirits up.

**Tiffa** · 09-20-2010 09:15 AM

It's strange because we actually do quite a few different things together. And he is very loving toward me and I don't know if this has anything to do with it but I was on his computer and saw an email he sent to a girl he saw at the shops, his email started with "This is no front on my behalf" and continued to tell her that he couldnt remember her name but he thought she was really beautiful and if he had remembered her name he would have told her to her face when he saw her (he obviously remembered her name later and found her on facebook)... I dont know if this is considered flirting or not and don't want to overreact but could this be tied in with how he is in the bedroom?

We go out and party a lot, we make out on the dance floor, we spend sundays doing different things etc. Maybe he is just getting restless...

I keep thinking I should break up with him before he does it to me... Stupid but it makes sense in my head that he really just wants out... I dont know...

Thanks for your help.

**Jayla2251** · 09-20-2010 11:48 AM

He may not be ready to settle down. Idk if I would consider that flirting or not. But I would think it's a red flag while your having these issues. He needs to be real and talk to you. When he talked about changing things, was that in the bedroom/sex or just plain relationship? There are many ways to spice it up either way, but you will need to know which one to work on first. That is very very low amount for his age. My bf is 23 almost 24, and not saying every man out there is the same, but I thought he had low sex drive (we have sex maybe once or twice a week.) But we're working on it. He has to be willing to work on things. Plus, your not getting satisfied. All I can say is this is something he will have to talk about...so I guess if he's not willing to talk about it, then maybe he's not ready.

**flourie** · 09-22-2010 09:14 AM

you need to have a final talk him because what usually seems to happen is he is content with cuddling-highly affectionate life and u will just play along because u rather have him in your life this way...than not have him at all. but this cant go on forever because if u are not content then u will let this discontent seep into other aspects of your relationship with him, like the butterfly effect. sex is a very intimate part of the closeness , apart from the attraction bit of it,two people share in a relationship... and the lack of it felt by one partner could unconsciously damage other good parts about u and him.

**btifulfrefly08** · 09-22-2010 09:49 AM

Along with what the others said you should try dressing up in sexy costumes for him. It helped me a little bit with my boyfriend. And maybe you should try making the first move.

**liminal** · 09-22-2010 09:59 AM

People have different sexual needs. You need sex more than he does. However it sound like he is not being considerate of your needs.

He should be having sex with you more often out of concern for your own needs.

If he doesn't want to have sex he should find other ways of showing affection that do not involve penetration.

**vancityguy** · 09-23-2010 07:17 PM

i had an ex that i started to not want as much sex with...i love hot wild crazy sex and she was the opposite...so for me i jsut got bored...something so intimate should be explored , i found myself getting more interested in other girls with BIG personalities thinking it would translate to the bedroom and well...it did! sex, like anything else is always better when its fun....be sexy /sensual etc but also flirtatious at the same time then once the giggles get going run with the imagination! if he doesnt respond to being able to explore...with you...naked in a bed...i dont think anything will get him going.