Why do women stop having great sex if there's no commitment?

**kevin32** · 09-22-2010 07:56 AM

I recently met a beautiful woman and we had a good first date. The attraction and chemistry was there, and soon we slept together. We've have sex every other day for about a few weeks, and then she starts talking about us having an exclusive relationship.

But I let her know up front during our date that I just recently got out of a relationship, and I'm not looking for anything serious. Then after a few more weeks of sex with no commitment on my part, she wants to call off the whole relationship because she can't have me exclusively.

What's strange is she claims that she's never had the kinds of pleasurable sexual experiences with any other man before she met me. And I don't even go to her for sex, she willingly comes to me. So I'm like: If the sex is so good, why are you giving it up because you can't have me all to yourself? I'm very attentive to her in bed, I let her know that she's beautiful both inside and out, and I listen to her when we pillow talk. And with each of her hints at wanting an exclusive relationship, I gently remind her where I stand. I enjoy her and the experiences we share, but I just don't want to go out on dates or be exclusive to anyone right now.

So my question is two-fold: Why will some women stop having great sex if they can't have a commitment? And how can I maintain the sexual relationship without her expecting more than what it is?

**sungoddesschelsy** · 09-22-2010 08:16 AM

hmm... personally... I become attached to the person I'm sleeping with whether he says he wants a relationship or not. So maybe she had sex with you and then decided she may have real feelings for you, she then voices her feelings and you shoot her down but still want sex which might be insulting to her.
Would you consider a relationship with her if it wasn't so soon after your breakup?

I think if you try to maintain the sexual relationship I think she'll eventually get bitter feeling like nothing but a toy for sex, which as you say is enjoyable for her but most women feel that sex is a emotional connection rather than a physical need.
but I have a question... how long did you think she'd continue to have sex without a commitment?

**WildChild** · 09-22-2010 08:21 AM

My best guess it that one of two things are operating here; either she is caught up with a timetable agenda or she recognizes the need for a deeper connection.
The timetable is a cultural/biological thing of, I'm getting to X age and should be settling down with one man and having a child. Some people have evolved their thinking past this but a lot haven't. The connection is a matter of joining on more than a physical level. I recently ended the sexual part of a long term relationship because my feelings for him were too deep and passionate to accept his refusal to allow himself to think of it as anything but a FWB - which is not what it started as. The sex had been simply amazing at the start, until he pulled back emotionally, then it degraded to simply really good.

What it comes down to is either she knows something you don't (perhaps not consciously but she knows) about what a spirit level connections can do - in which case she is an enlightened lady and you might do very well to learn from her or she has a checklist that you aren't checking in on.

**Olympia** · 09-22-2010 08:37 AM

So my question is two-fold: Why will some women stop having great sex if they can't have a commitment? And how can I maintain the sexual relationship without her expecting more than what it is?

After i read your thread, i ask myself..?
Why!.. You have been honest and voiced your feelings on a committed relationship, so why jump into this one if you are not ready to...? It would seem you are in it for the sex alone.. Is that fair of you..?
She may be at a time in her life where she is ready to commit.. Either way, IMO, you both are at a different phase in your desires/life at this time.
also, perhaps there is some laten concern about std's...

Concerning maintaining the sexual relationship... Well, I do not think you should expect that. You both have voiced how you feel and it is not the same.

**lizzardb63** · 09-22-2010 09:35 AM

I know that if I was sleeping with someone who wasn't willing to be exclusive I would stop too because who knows who you're all sleeping with besides her! She doesn't need an STD.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-22-2010 05:29 PM

You made it clear from the inset, and you've gently reminded her when ever she starts to bring it up....

Women bond the moment they have sex, they "settle" for that person, if it's an emotional attachement they are after...

Sex isn't the be all and end all, it's the bonding, emotions. If she is falling in love with you, and you don't want a relationship, she has to move on, or else as each week passes, she will get more attached, she knows it...

I'm very attentive to her in bed, I let her know that she's beautiful both inside and out, and I listen to her when we pillow talk. And with each of her hints at wanting an exclusive relationship, I gently remind her where I stand. I enjoy her and the experiences we share, but I just don't want to go out on dates or be exclusive to anyone right now.

The bond? Your attentive, let her know she's beautiful inside and out, listen to her, ... That makes her feel sexy, alive, wanted, loved and beautiful so the sex is great

But, as I said, she's falling in love, so she's protecting her heart, sex isn't the important thing here it's how you have made her feel, beautiful, sexy, alive...

You can't have it unless you have a woman who also does not want a relationship, she only wants company, good sex, a friend....

CW

**kevin32** · 09-22-2010 06:45 PM

Ladies,

Thank you so much for your insight. Each of your responses had me blown away. You each have very beautiful ways of expressing how a woman feels inside and I admire that. And no sungoddesschelsy, I wasn't sure the relationship would last long because of her feelings. A few times I was compelled to call it off, but I secretly wanted her to end it so she would have a sense of justice for things not working out the way she needed. She's still somewhat bitter towards me, but I can only see her as the beautiful person that she is. I wish her the best in finding what she's looking for.

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