Are you sympathetic for somebody who can not have sex?

**liminal** · 09-22-2010 09:45 AM

I mean somebody who can't have sex for various reasons. Including an inability to find an appropriate partner. Or somebody who can't have sex do to inability to navigate social situations effectively for sexual activity for whatever reasons including mental illness or developmental disorders. Or somebody unable to have sex for physical reasons.

I define sympathy as the capacity to wish for others what one wishes for one self.

If you are not sympathetic how would you feel if you could never or rarely have sex?

**SidneyAlive** · 09-22-2010 09:48 AM

Yes I would feel sorry for someone like that..

**liminal** · 09-22-2010 09:50 AM

Originally Posted by sidneyalive

Yes I would feel sorry for someone like that..

What's the longest you can go without sex yourself? And why would you be sympathetic? Would you be unympathetic if the person was a male who simply lacked social skills but had no mental illness?

**SidneyAlive** · 09-22-2010 10:02 AM

I dunno how long I could go without sex, I never go more than a day or two without it..

Social skills or not, there is someone for everyone..

**liminal** · 09-22-2010 10:12 AM

Originally Posted by sidneyalive

I dunno how long I could go without sex, I never go more than a day or two without it..

Social skills or not, there is someone for everyone..

I hope so. I am not physically able to have sex and I have that on top of social deficits. I would be willing to do anything I could to please my partner though.

I am glad you are sympathetic because not everybody is.

**pretzel** · 09-22-2010 10:33 AM

Judging from my experiences here you'll find virtually everyone here will be more than sympathetic and understanding. That is the beauty of this community.

As to your own individual situation there are two distinct things, First is the physical limitations and secondly, the social limitations. However I honestly believe neither is a wall that isn't capable of being climbed.

For those that know me here know that I'm a strong advocate of the distinction between a couple making love vs. having sex. I'm taking an assumption that physically you're unable to have intercourse which unfortunately does happen to some people and unfortunately it's happened to you. But what I would venture to say is that you do have some ability to be close to your partner and to be able to show your affection through intimate touching and caressing. This ultimately will lead to the bonding that makes for most successful relationships. Many couple have differing bonding mechanisms and each in their own right are just as valid and wonderful as another. It's not always sex that leads to that bond so if you and your partner have a special bonding mechanism then quite honestly sex becomes almost a secondary activity.

Without knowing a bit more detail (just a bit more than you've said) I'd ask if those deficits relate to one on one interaction or is with group/public interactions that the deficits manifest themselves. The relationship between you and your partner is the one on one that would be of most import here. But in general I'd say that your counselor/therapist (if you need one) would be better equipped to give you the tools you'd need as they relate to deepening you relationship with your partner.

**liminal** · 09-22-2010 11:03 AM

Originally Posted by pretzel

Judging from my experiences here you'll find virtually everyone here will be more than sympathetic and understanding. That is the beauty of this community.

As to your own individual situation there are two distinct things, First is the physical limitations and secondly, the social limitations. However I honestly believe neither is a wall that isn't capable of being climbed.

For those that know me here know that I'm a strong advocate of the distinction between a couple making love vs. having sex. I'm taking an assumption that physically you're unable to have intercourse which unfortunately does happen to some people and unfortunately it's happened to you. But what I would venture to say is that you do have some ability to be close to your partner and to be able to show your affection through intimate touching and caressing. This ultimately will lead to the bonding that makes for most successful relationships. Many couple have differing bonding mechanisms and each in their own right are just as valid and wonderful as another. It's not always sex that leads to that bond so if you and your partner have a special bonding mechanism then quite honestly sex becomes almost a secondary activity.

Without knowing a bit more detail (just a bit more than you've said) I'd ask if those deficits relate to one on one interaction or is with group/public interactions that the deficits manifest themselves. The relationship between you and your partner is the one on one that would be of most import here. But in general I'd say that your counselor/therapist (if you need one) would be better equipped to give you the tools you'd need as they relate to deepening you relationship with your partner.

Wow, it's awesome that people are sympathetic here.

I can not find somebody who I can experiment with sexually to discover what kind of "making love" I can share with a person. That's because I have had a difficult enough time even finding friends nonetheless a sexual partner.

**pretzel** · 09-22-2010 11:14 AM

Originally Posted by liminal

Wow, it's awesome that people are sympathetic here.

I can not find somebody who I can experiment with sexually to discover what kind of "making love" I can share with a person. That's because I have had a difficult enough time even finding friends nonetheless a sexual partner.

Then in this case, from you earlier post, the social limitations are for sure related to being out in public or with dealing with new interactions and situations. Here, I'd have to say that if you haven't already some form of counseling to give you tools that could help you build confidence in handling new situations and in meeting new people. If I had to say which of the issues you face are more pressing to deal with I'd say this one as you would need these skills in order to meet someone who you could start a relationship with.

**WildChild** · 09-22-2010 12:44 PM

You may want to consider talking with a sex therapist, they can teach you or direct to someone who can, in skills to pleasure a partner even if you are unable to have intercourse. This may make you feel more confident in interacting with others ?

**liminal** · 09-22-2010 12:57 PM

Originally Posted by WildChild

You may want to consider talking with a sex therapist, they can teach you or direct to someone who can, in skills to pleasure a partner even if you are unable to have intercourse. This may make you feel more confident in interacting with others ?

Yes, I think so. I did see a sex therapist for about 6 weeks. I asked him a lot of questions about how and why people valued sex. Unfortunately I did not have enough money to continue the sessions with him. I never felt comfortable admitting that I could not have sex though. In a way i've only admitted this to myself just recently. I will consider seeing him again. Maybe he could have recommended me some books.

Thread: Are you sympathetic for somebody who can not have sex?

LinkBack

Thread Tools

Search Thread

Display

Are you sympathetic for somebody who can not have sex?

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions