Thread: Find myself giving "mercy" sex all the time...

Very low sex drive and general uninterest in sex anymore. I love my husband and it's really affecting our relationship. We typically have sex 2-3 times a week and it's never enough for him. What really turns me off is he always wants full sex (oral, penetration) where I prefer penetration. He says I'm the only woman in the world that doesn't want to be eaten. Sometimes I'm just not into it and know it will take me forever to climax even with oral stimulation. I feel he just wants porn sex all the time where I like to be more intimate. He talks during sex all the time asking questions which is so annoying when you're trying to enjoy the moment. I kidd around and call him Johnny Holmes cause he gets so into it and so aroused. Sometimes I have to close the window he gets so loud. Anway, he's always looking for sex and groping me every chance he can or making sexual explicit jokes. It's like he doesn't know how to interact without it being in a sexual way - it's annoying. People say you should be happy he's attracted to you but I feel he'd be equally attracted to an open jar of peanut butter if you know what I mean. So I don't know if my drive is low because his behavior is so annoying or there's really something wrong with me. He constantly complains that I never initiate sex - and in 22 years of marriage I haven't had to. I explain if he backed off for a week or two maybe I'd get horny enough to initiate - but he can't go that long to find out. I'd be happy with sex once or twice a week - he on the other hand wants it constantly. What do I do - I don't want this to come between us as he gets angry and upset when I tell him no.

Any suggestions or similar stories???

It seriously sounds like his behavior is turning you off. Theres really no way to fix that besides talking to him, but it seems like you have done that already, thats really frusterating, we are women and like intimate sex, men are just like horny animals. Maybe he has a medical condition??? i mean, i actully wouldnt know what to do in a situation like that. U said you have been with him for 22yrs? was he always like that?

Has there always been such a difference in how much sex you and he want?

Is he willing to do what you want in bed when you have sex? (at least does he try - or is it only about him?)

He's always been like this - very high sex drive and yes he's very considerate and takes care of me first.

Have you ever gone a week or two with him where you had sex very frequently to see if he became interested in other things? A hungry person will think about food all the time, but that doesn't necessarily make them a glutton.

You say he wants "porn sex"- not sure what that means. What sort of sex do you like and is he willing to do that as well?

Have you tried telling him clearly what you want. I know it is sometimes very difficult to tell your partner things, but maybe he really doesn't know.

People do have very different levels of interest in sex - neither of you is particularly unusual, but your aren't that compatible. You both need to work on finding a compromise.

I wonder if it would help if he cut down or stopped watching porn for a short time, if indeed he does watch? That may help him to focus more on intimacy with you. I know you have a serious problem here but in a way he sounds like he is fun and active, is that true? That may be a good trait, maybe he can dissipate some energy by exercising. Can you both undertake a new hobby like bike ridding.
Vigorous exercises uses energy and doing things together increases intimacy. An additional benefit is that after a strenuous bike ride he should be less hyped up and more able to listen. Post exercise would be a great time to start talking about all the good things about him, about your life and relationship and then hit him with what you would like to see in the way of changes.