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Thread: Why do some women have extra-marital affairs?

  1. #1
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    Default Why do some women have extra-marital affairs?

    When I was married, my wife cheated on me with another man. She never gave me a clear explanation as to why, but over the years after talking to men and women about relationships, I came up with 3 reasons why I feel some women have extra-marital affairs:

    A: She wants variety. She already has the safety and convenience of a committed relationship, and the sex is good. But she's getting bored with having sex with the same man all the time and she simply wants to have experiences with other men, without jeopardizing her current relationship.

    B: The sex isn't good. Outside of bed, he's loving, compassionate, and listens to her. But in bed he's impotent, he's not good at what he does, or he doesn't want to have sex as often as she does, leaving her unfulfilled. He's a good husband and partner, but not a good lover.

    C: The sex IS good, but there's no emotional bonding. In bed, he knows what to say and do to cause her to feel sweet sensations all over. But outside of bed he's cold, demeaning and inconsiderate of her feelings. He's a good lover, but not a good husband and partner.

    I know this doesn't cover every possible reason why a woman would have an extra-marital affair, but based on my experience from talking to others, I find these are the most common.

    Ladies, I'm asking if you would arrange these in order from most common to least common (example: BCA, or ACB, etc.), based on your personal views and talks you've had with other women. Please add in other reasons that I might not be aware of. Thanks.

  2. #2
    WH Super Moderator Array Fallen1's Avatar
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    Why do men cheat?

    I don't think you can give absolute answers as to why.
    There is a method to my madness ........ I just haven't found it yet.

  3. #3
    WH Head Moderator Array WildChild's Avatar
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    One could as well ask why men have affairs.
    People have different justifications.
    We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer

  4. #4
    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array Rediscovered's Avatar
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    Yes, and there are plenty of women (and men) who may have one or all of the above reasons to do so, yet never do.

  5. #5
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    The answer is simple.

    Why do men cheat, women are in some ways the same as men.

    Some men are too rough, too stupid, too ignorant, just dont know what to do in bed.

    I think a certain amount of fear is important, not fear that is terrorfying or fear that leaves one traumatised but fear of getting caught or something that makes it exciting and different.

    We go about our lives in a predictable way that becomes boring and mundane, so it doesn't surprise me that women and men play around.

    Being physically fit and healthy is important to a women as it is to a man - well it is for me.

    I've seen too many couples just let themselves go and end up looking like rubbish.

    Unfortunatley we dont as men learn how to make love, its something we must teach ourselves.

    If your techique is poor and sloppy then maybe that is the problem.

    You really have to know what you are doing whether its affective or just you that blindly thinks it affective without actually know if its affective.

    Are the ways that you are making love to your wife sloppy unskillful and just plain boring ?

    Most men just want one thing, to get themselves off and dont really think about their partners.

    You have to thing about what THEY want not what you want.

    Your personal fantasies may not be what they want if fact it may be there worst nightmare.

    Foreplay, foreplay, affective foreplay that you know is working.

    Learn how to kiss a women passionatley.

    ... I could go on ...

  6. #6
    WH Super Moderator Array Hopeless Dork's Avatar
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    Women cheat for all sorts of reasons but typically its not for variety. Most of the women I know want one man, one GOOD man. I mean take a look at hot rich male celebs that can have any woman they want (see tiger woods) many of them want as many as they can have. Then take a look at hot rich young female celebs that can date any men they want , they usually pick just the one. Even when their options are limitless.

    Of course reasons to cheat are individual, and the ability to cheat rather than simply end a relationship that makes you unhappy is , imo, a character flaw. A lack of dedication, truth, respect and an extreme selfishness in thinking that they deserve more than their partner does -- they could simply say lets see other people, lets have an open marriage, lets seperate, but no... they want their partner faithful while they are not.

    A LOT of women that cheat do so for revenge for either a real or perceived wrong that has been done to them, by the man they are with or the ones before him. "That'll show him", "I can do it too", etc.

    A lot of women that cheat do so for attention that they are lacking in their relationship. When their husband/boyfriend doesn't notice them or make them feel beautiful , for a lot of women having some other man that WILL notice, make them feel sexy and pretty will lead them astray.

    Some women cheat because the sex isn't good, or meeting their needs, but that generally isn't the biggest reason that I've ever heard a woman justify cheating for. For many its mainly about getting the attention they feel they are lacking outside of the bedroom.
    Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

  7. #7
    March 2008 "Poster of the Month" Array
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    People cheat because there is something they want that they aren't getting from their SO.

  8. #8
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    I'm going to bet... SHE MENTIONED SOMETHING ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS and she wasn't heard.
    She stopped talking and asking.

    ********************When a woman stops talking......... Men assume things are better and okay. They are shocked when they find out it isn't.
    The lesson is to listen to the partner who is trying to communicate at the time they are telling you. Otherwise, it will be too late.

  9. #9
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    Some women want more than the husband has to offer. Very few of us marry just because the sex is great. Usually we marry for some other reason and end up missing the "great sex" after a while. That's when we start looking. One solution is to be honest and let each other know your feelings. In my case it turned out my husband didn't object to finding a "boyfriend" to fill my needs. Actually my boyfriend and my husband are good friends. I still keep my husband satisfied and my boyfriend keeps me satisfied. Nothing emotional between my boyfriend and I, strictly physical. This might not work in all situations, but it has been good for me and my husband.

  10. #10
    January 2012 Poster of the Month Array
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    Some people cheat just because they can. They have the time, the place and mentality to separate one life from another; for a while. There are some persons that see sexual conquests as validation of their attractiveness, as confirmation of their charisma, as well as an affirmation that they are young and desirable. There are some that would be flattered by the attentions of someone other than their spouse. There are some people that use cheating as a replacement for something else missing in their lives.

    Some people cheat because their spouses try to compartmentalize every action, every reaction and try to find fault with everything they've done. Some people cheat because their spouses won't take responsibility for their part in the marital breakdown. Some people are always right and their partners always wrong.

    When a woman, or a man for that matter, cheats, why is the first assumption that sex is the issue.

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