Three-some Jealousy???

**arhandcock** · 09-26-2010 12:35 PM

I like playing around with other women and my fiance loves to watch it. However, he likes to join (according to him, it is "every mans fantasy!") and it bugs me alot watching him with other women. I hate having him involved because it hurts me seeing him touch or have sex with another woman... I tried getting over it, but I can't! Am I too jealous? Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Is there a way to get over it? I heard three-somes break up alot of couples, and I really do not want that happending to us... I tried telling him how I feel and he told me he isn't going anywhere and he only see's them as a sex toy, but I cannot wrap my mind around that... It doesn't change things for me...What do I do?

**lizzardb63** · 09-26-2010 01:46 PM

My honest opinion. You're treading on thin ice. Stop the 3 some stuff unless you're emotionally stable enough to accept that he wants to join. If you can't accept it, why screw up a good thing you've got going? The way you feel won't go away and just trust your gut. Don't let someone who "doesnt matter" to him ruin what you've got. If you really feel you want to fool around with other women make sure you set a line that your husband CANNOT join, but how fair is that to him then? Its not. I don't want to tell you what to do, but I can see a huge mess in the making if things don't change quickly. Also remember, sometimes when this stuff happens, husbands fall for other people. It's a tough spot to put your relationship.

**LanaBear** · 09-26-2010 01:47 PM

In my opinion... If he's letting you 'play' he's has every right to his play time as well. Whether it is same sex or opposite sex, fair is fair.

If you have feelings of jealousy, then you need to change the relationship. It needs to be MONOGAMOUS. If you cannot stand the thought of him being with another, then I don't think it is fair for you to be given the opportunity. Gay, straight or bi, the rules are all the same, IMO.

**arhandcock** · 09-26-2010 01:56 PM

He is the one who asked me to play with women in front of him. We have a rule (he is bi too), that if he wants to play with men I have to be present and same with me and another woman. He does not want me doing anything with other men and I feel the same way with him and women. But, he said he gets so into watching me with a woman that he gets the urge to join. We talked about it, and he said if I am not comfortable with it, then maybe we should give it a year and I will change how I feel that or do it more often so I can get used to it. Lizzard, how often do the men fall for the other woman? The last girl we had, he seemed to really like her. I liked her too but when I saw how he was around her, and the way he talked about her, I told him she will never be allowed to come to our home again. He seemed a little bent out of shape but eventually let it go. Do you think he is doing this to find someone else? Should I just tell him I never want a 3some again and we will just leave it at, he can play with men in front of me and I can play with women in front of him? I really have mixed feelings about it and never been in this situation before so I really do not know what to do... :'(

**lizzardb63** · 09-26-2010 02:01 PM

I don't think he is trying to find someone else at all, but you put yourself in that position, you're gonna because vulterable to that other person. It's just not a good idea. Its easy to fall for someone you're sexually active with. If you want a solid relationship i'd keep it monogomous and possibly consider girl on girl porn or something to watch together.

**arhandcock** · 09-26-2010 02:09 PM

Thats a really good idea, thanks! I thought he was unhappy with me when I said I no longer wanted to do three-somes. He seemed like it was going to affect our relationship because he had planned on us having them at least 2 times a year for the rest of our lives. I told him he could be with someone else if thats what he wanted and he said he didn't want anyone else, he just want to do what he wants sexually with me and a person we choose. I have no problem being with just him but he acts like it is boring when no one is there. I am really afraid my relationship will fall apart if he is not getting what he wants sexually. I really do not want to lose him , but I don't want to be unhappy either...

**LanaBear** · 09-26-2010 02:47 PM

I think you REALLY need to talk to him about all this. You never know, he may be feeling that he needs to do this for you, to make sure that you are not 'bored' sexually with him. Be honest and open during your conversation, if you can't do that then you don't have a relationship.

I think that with these strong feelings of jealousy you have, you need to step back and rethink the whole third person situations. If you are jealous, you are not happy and that in and of itself is reason enough to stop.

**arhandcock** · 09-26-2010 02:51 PM

I talked to him, and he knows it isn't the thing I want to do. He is very aware that it is strictly for his pleasure and not mine. Am I too jealous? is that why I have a problem doing this? Or do alot of women feel this way?

**dr.mansview** · 09-26-2010 04:43 PM

on your other thread you started you say that lately he is turning you down for sex..that he'd rather watch TV or watch porn..but on this thread you state that he is always encouraging you to play with other girls so that he can join in..sounds to me as if he has become bored or complacent with your sex life and wants another women in the bed for his own sexual fantasy..sounds like a man who is a taker and never a giver