You think you got over the guilt and now you stressing and essentially teaching yourself that you can't respond. If you have insurance see if you can see a counselor who has a background with sex therapy. You need to break this cycle.
I've talked about this many times but brain scans of women who don't orgasm have shown that they orgasmed but they reported that they felt nothing. This is not unusual or unknown. You can change this but may need help to do so.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
You say the muscles are not clenching the same. Perhaps you need to do kegel exercises. Maybe the hymen provided some support that you are now missing and you just need to tone the pelvic muscles to make up for this structural loss.
This is an update.... I basically got used to my new boring orgasms.
I then had something worrying me down there (ended up being thrush) and so i went to the gyno and swallowed my fears.
It really hurt. I'm a tiny person so i guess tiny down there too. She tried one speculum and then changed it for another. It hurt more than my virginity being taken away.
After wards i decided to "Take care of myself" and i totally hadn't thought anything of this sort would happen again. I thought the damage was done. And AGAIN...oh. my. god.
I cannot feel a THING! NOTHING!!!! I had absolutely no contractions at all when i came, just the hormonal release. It wasn't a physical release. I was so shocked, i hadn't expected it. And it confirms it.
It is definitely a physical problem. I know my body. I'm ruined. I seriously...have enough things going on in my life to make me depressed, but now this has topped the cake.
Life isn't even worth living anymore, but i hardly think ended my life will be adequate since i want happiness but know i'll never get there. I wish i could have it. I had no idea my body would deplete at such a young age. I have not got my health, or any happiness. And this takes away the one thing that i've been looking forward to. Life is meaningless.
I think my hymen, in my body, definitely played a structural role somehow, perhaps it was out of thicker tissue with heaps of nerve endings or tendons (i know that's rediculous...i dunno) but now i have no pleasure, and no release, and i'm too scared to have sex again.
Maybe the other depression is the cause of everything. Are you seeing a psychologist?
I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
...
Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?
Patrick Henry
No it's got nothing to do with it i assure you.
How could it be mental when I didn't expect it to happen and forgot about this whole thing and got used to it???
You know how when you orgasm the vagina spasms? There was no spasm. None. Not one. Not a weak one. None. Nothing. Just got a bit tighter closer to orgasm and then loosened. That's it.
An orgasm is something that cannot me controlled, you know this.
I have orgasm, but it does not contract. This is the issue. I can't fix it...and with time again, and more time between "happy times" i'll be able to feel more but it will never be the same as it was when i was a virgin. I'm ruined.
The skin of the hymen does nothing, it has nerve endings but so few that it does not cause in any way an orgasm response. The hymen plays zero role in orgasm.definitely played a structural role somehow, perhaps it was out of thicker tissue with heaps of nerve endings or tendons (i know that's rediculous...i dunno) but now i have no pleasure,
Not having an orgasm in the first place can cause no contractions, sort of like other women who say they feel real real good but do not know if they have had an orgasm or not. It is very frequent and very common for women to simply feel real good while they are 'taking care of business' but not finish completely through due to that over sensation, or lack there of.I cannot feel a THING! NOTHING!!!! I had absolutely no contractions at all when i came, just the hormonal release. It wasn't a physical release. I was so shocked, i hadn't expected it. And it confirms it.
Contractions and spasms come in a variety of strengths. The smallest ones are still contractions. They can also occur so fast and so strong that it just feels like one very tight sensation and single release. In that sort of case a woman will say it feels very tight, but not have the 5,6,7 type small squeeze contractions that can happen with other orgasms. Instead it just stays very taught and then simply releases.ust got a bit tighter closer to orgasm and then loosened.
Your case will be mental, you will need to at least talk with a sex therapist or psychologist to see where things can go. You can see more gyne doctors to check with their opinion about your hymen playing a role but they may simply say you will need to see a psychologist to talk about what is going on. You are not ruined, you are not damaged, you are not helpless, you are simply confused and need some guidance. You will feel better, try not to worry.
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I see that you know about dopamine, the brain chemical that gives us pleasure. The problem is that over stimulation(you said up to five times a day!) and dopamine production over time can cause changes to our dopamine receptors that causes them to not function properly. Your problem probably is similar to erectile dysfunction in a male and loss of sensation. There is another chemical released after orgasm called prolactin and it causes a temporary loss of libido sometimes. It is also released when you masturbate but is released in much greater quantities when you have sex with a mate, up to 400times as much. Splitting with your boyfriend will is not a good idea even though sex may be better with a new mate because that is prolactine's biological function, to urge us to seek out a new mate , but then the cycle will start over again. The only solution in my opinion is refraining from orgasm long enough that dopamine receptors can grow back. There is nothing wrong with your vagina, orgasm happens in the brain, it is chemical in nature. If you love your boyfriend I urge you to explore Karreza , a way of making love without orgasm that is even more pleasurable. There is a wealth of information on this subject on a website called Reuniting
itsasecret- it's been many months, and while it's better again, its really . Seriously, i'm like giving up on anything sexual. i cry myself to sleep with guilt, i should have waited....What was teh rush? I thought i'd die before i experienced it, now i just hate myself and wish i hadn't.
mpy- and no it's not overstimulation. I don't do that anymore, it's about 3 weeks vetween each session and i barely feel it then. It is honestly not mental, because i feel the most sensations right at the start, and then the orgasm is weak and short. It's made me hate sex, it's just a lot of work and risk for no pay off.
I've looked at karezza, i think that could help me a bit, but after a certain point it just ends up hurting, so it will be a bit of a fail in that sence, it will be short, and probably cause my bf pain, haha. I guess he is allowed his release, but not myself, because it just makes me sadder every time, i get so excited each time thinkning "maybe ill feel it this time?" but i never do....not enough. Not as it used to
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