Thread: Girls: do you mind if he watches porn?

I have always known that my boyfriend of 18 months had a small and inoffensive porn collection.

I never really minded, i actually thought we could watch some together. However recently i asked him to see

sorry about that

---- asked him to see it. he was reluctant as he thought it would hurt my feelings. And it kinda did that he was seperating it from our own sex life. Especially as we have sex almost every day, which you would imagine to be plenty. He said he only watches it "now and again" when i am not around. Never mind that i practically live at his place. Anyways it escalated and he ended up getting rid of it all, and he says that he really does not need it now he has me - it was an old habit from his single days. I know he finds me very attractive and i have not had self esteem issues, yet recently i find myself glowing with embarrasment when a pair of boobs comes on tv - i really dont like to think that he is looking. We are very similar and it kinds stupidly hurts that he watched it - i myself just think of him when i have "alone time"

How do you guys feel about all this?

My boyfriend tells me he doesn't like porn... but we have talked about watching it together just for something different, I wouldn't mind that I don't think. I personally don't get any enjoyment out of watching it, like you said if I am alone and needing to masterbate I think of him and that works for me.
HOWEVER... he likes to take pictures of us in bed together, he's also recorded some video of us together and tells me he watches it when I'm not around. Only reason I mention this is for me its a self-esteem boost knowing that he's looking at them and it would give your boyfriend something sexual to look at with out you feeling hurt.

thanks sungoddesschelsy.

Yes we a a video too, and he does watch it alone. Yet he said he has watched the porn some nights when he needs to cum to sleep. My attitude is privately like....just go to sleep if you are too tired to imagine for yourself lol. Although we have stopped arguing about all this it is still in the back of my mind and i feel a bit resentful. As if all the sexy pics, underwear and candlelit nights are not enough. We have always been really close and similar minded but im still actually quite angry inside. I know he adores me so i cannot get my head around it all. I dont feel the need to look at another man.

I don't like porn at all, I don't care what kind it is, it's degrading to women.

Yea I know someone is gonna say, (but the women in porn are doing it willingly)

I don't care, most of them are prolly on drugs.

It does nothing for me and I won't have it in my house..

I don't think I'd like it. I would feel that I can't fullfill his fantacies, but I think that's a personal issue with me, not him. Insecurity i guess.

I really don't mind my bf watching porn as long as he's still having sex with me more than masturbating. I actually told him this morning to go watch some porn lol.

Apparently, it is common for men to view porn or have pics of women as a masturbation aid. I have heard that if a guy say that he does not look at porn he is not being truthful. I think masturbation is a personal thing and I leave that up to my partner. He has ownership of himself and I am not his mother and don't have to stick my head in every aspect of his being. I think that it is respecting him as an autonomous being.

This is such a confusing issue. I feel that porn is degrading to woman, sets up unreasonable expectation for what real sex is like, sparks appetites for porn acts in men. Porn is fantasy sex, with woman as sexual robots penis worshipers, always willing, always ready, always excited, always enthusiastic, never demanding, only talking are related to the delight at servicing the man. If men could separate this fantasy sex from what they want in a real live woman, then porn would be ok i guess. But that may not be the case. Porn may be increasing the pressure on woman to be sexual performers.

If porn viewing is discrete and does not interfere with the relationship it is said to be alright. I don't think there is a way that porn could not interfere with the relationship albeit subtle. It fuels fantasies and desires which a man or woman brings to the partner. Not bad if it is something that is mutually enjoyable. But most of the fantasies are male focused because of male pleasure focus of porn. The actors are playing to the camera so some of the things that are done are completely useless in real life.

The partner of a man watching porn has to field request for acts that have nothing in it for her - ejaculating on face and the like- and dealing with his dissatisfaction if she is not into it. Sex can become a struggle for the woman to maintain the focus of the man on the intimacy between two people instead of a collection of visually stimulating acts that excite a man but has nothing to do with connecting with a woman.

When I read through the thread on ejaculating on a woman's face, it puts the problem of the porn in relationships in sharp relief. If it were not for porn viewing very few men would think of doing that to his partner but porn has normalized it. If a woman objects the man offers all kinds of justifications why it's not a big deal. If their were more honesty that would help. Porn viewing is secret usually and a man will not say he wants to do this because he got turned on to it by watching porn. He makes up reasons and justifications which introduces dishonesty and manipulation into the relationship.

I think a woman should expect to have a sex life that is mutually satisfying without feeling like she is being used as a backdrop for porn fantasies. So if his approach to sex is not focussed on what is going on between the you two of you, then that may be a problem. It may or may not be porn. Talk about it.

Allie602. MAJOR PROPS! Just throwing it out there!

I myself have a bit of an issue with my fiance watching it. I've always had some self esteem issues as I have struggled with my weight my entire life. Our entire relationship I have been territorial and get jealous easily, so him watching porn a lot sets me off. I have a thread up about his masturbating everyday and how it is starting to cause serious issues for me since it is now effecting our sex.

I have to agree with Allie602. Porn puts unfair pressure on women to be these sexual submissives and to have these amazing perfect boobs for men to just ejaculate all over. I will never be like that, so when my fiance wants to masturbate and he watches porn instead of thinking of me, the woman he is going to marry, it causes some serious self conscious issues for me. I don't understand why thoughts of me are not enough for him, since when I'm enjoying some me time he is all I think about.

My fiance's other theory and habit is that when you masturbate is it a time for personal fanatsies and that its ok to imagine different people.

Chrissie - My feelings are complicated on this issue. First, I have read that men develop the habit of using pic or video for masturbation very early in their sexual development. So the habit pre-exist relationships. Secondly, boys may be made to feel ashamed of masturbating and porn use. So the porn + masturbation = quick release and stress release. It gets them through the dry times and stressful times in relationships. They may have feelings of shame associated with all of this and many do not want their wives to know. Reading that helped me to understand better.

I don't like porn however, I am not my SO mother so I do not discuss what he does. In my opinion, masturbation is private activity unless a partner choses otherwise. I don't think I need to stick my head into every single aspect of the man's life.
I would not make a big deal out of the porn and not interrogate him about it. If he is not addicted and you know he uses it as a masturbation aide then why not leave as a private activity.

What I said in my last post I still believe but life's complicated so there is no simple as yes or no to porn. I don't think men should be hounded and shamed by their wives/gf if they use porn to knock a couple off. Show him some love and show him you understand what it took for him to mature to the point he is at now. If there is no addiction, no use in your sight and within your hearing, then its all good. As long as he understands you consider it private then it's all good.

The body image stuff, that's something that is worth working on but why make porn a bone of contention in this arena.