No fantasy's

**Agony_Aunt** · 10-08-2010 11:13 AM

Myself and my partner have been together over a year in an age gap relationship and I'm the younger one.
I recently had a thread about wondering if I was in-experienced for him, but now I realise that that is not a problem. when we first started seeing eachother we talked openly about sex and because of the age gap he didn't want me feeling or thinking it was just about sex with a younger woman.
He said before that there had to be some sort of feeling between us and a connection before anything like sex happens, the sex we have is great.

But a few nights ago, we were talking and he asked me what turns me on, or what would i like him to do for me because I had never asked him before to do anything, because I'm happy with the sex now.
But I couldn't answer his question, he had said he'd love to see me in a one peice suit with high heels on, something that shows my figure, and he said some times he like to be told what to do.
Then I got thinking, and I have no fantasy's??

**ItsASecret** · 10-08-2010 11:31 AM

You are not alone. I also do not have any fantasies. Absolutely no role playing scenarios come to mind as a fantasy, no certain way he talks to me during sex, no bondage (light or hard), no S&M dominance (light or hard), super girly romance with flowers and candles does not spark a fantasy, no outdoor or indoor things come to mind as majorly enticing to become a fantasy, no certain toys....nothing nada. If something happens during sex that I was not expecting then great, but there is nothing as of yet that makes me super curious to a fantasy point. Everything is just go with the flow for me which also applies to how he touches me. So like when you partner asked what turns you on, my boyfriend will ask the same thing and my answer is "you". Then he gets frustrated when I explain that I have no magic button, no go to image of arousal, no play-by-play scenario that gets me hot and heavy.

**Agony_Aunt** · 10-08-2010 11:45 AM

We never plan to have sex or anything like that, same as going with the flow. We could be lying in bed watching a dvd and cuddling and it will just happen then. He says he likes when it just happens, and doesn't mind if there's no sex at all. He doesn't annoy me or pester me for sex, it just happens when it happens.
I tried telling him before the main thing that does turn me on is thinking about being with him and the feelings between us during sex, but he was kind of surprised when I had no "actaul fantasy". Then I was wondering and asking myself "Have I just got no imagination or what?" "Am I a boring person in bed?" He says to he rathers when we want each other and not just sex. What is the best answer to give when you don't actually have any fantasies then?

**WildChild** · 10-08-2010 12:07 PM

Is there anything you would like to try? A position? A toy?

**ItsASecret** · 10-08-2010 12:13 PM

We never plan to have sex or anything like that, same as going with the flow. We could be lying in bed watching a dvd and cuddling and it will just happen then. He says he likes when it just happens, and doesn't mind if there's no sex at all. He doesn't annoy me or pester me for sex, it just happens when it happens.
I tried telling him before the main thing that does turn me on is thinking about being with him and the feelings between us during sex, but he was kind of surprised when I had no "actaul fantasy". Then I was wondering and asking myself "Have I just got no imagination or what?" "Am I a boring person in bed?" He says to he rathers when we want each other and not just sex. What is the best answer to give when you don't actually have any fantasies then?

Exactly the same position for me. How many other ways can one say "I am being honest I have no fantasy I just love being with you and you are the reason I get turned on".

**Agony_Aunt** · 10-08-2010 03:13 PM

The only positions we do is either I'm on top, which he loves, Or then next time he's on top which I prefer. We tried once a kind of vibrator which he puts on to his piercing down below, and I had no complaints. But it's more like role play fantasies he's talking about.
I just don't know then why or if I don't have any fantasies, we have baths together and he once put rose petals in the water and lit candles, but that's more in a romantic and caring way.

**jns** · 11-14-2010 01:17 AM

You don't necessarily need fantasies, but trying different things once in a while will keep things from getting stale. You might even find something you really like.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-14-2010 02:21 AM

But I couldn't answer his question, he had said he'd love to see me in a one peice suit with high heels on, something that shows my figure, and he said some times he like to be told what to do.
Then I got thinking, and I have no fantasy's??

There is nothing wrong with being a romantic, what's wrong with taking that bath, with candles, a glass of wine and the man walks in, joins you and takes you? Secondly he is saying "he likes your figure"

and then he is saying, he wants to feel he's "good" got you where you want him to get there...He's not asking you I don't believe for fantasy, rather, seeing you as he does 1 piece, high heels, the beauty, not naked, and talk to him, "needing to know that he pleases you"...

Try what he's asking it's his love for you I think, your beauty....

And him wanting to know you do enjoy it, other than the usual ahh ooh, rather, "you make me so wet" type of comment...

CW

**Hopeless Dork** · 11-14-2010 07:52 AM

I don't know how old you are but generally... younger folks, both men and women... just enjoy sex for the sake of sex, the act of doing it with no bells and whistles is quite fine , beyond fine. Its generally speaking... with age that you start wanting to experience new things like role play and fantasy play and spicing it up. Right now at your age having sex is new, it requires no spicing up. Him at his age, being significantly older... has done the ol' in-out for years, perhaps decades and so while sex is never boring... the older someone gets, the more sex they have, the more comfortable they get in their sexuality, the more interested they are in finding ways to make it new and exciting.

Don't feel weird because you don't have specific fantasies, they will very likely develop over time. When I was in my teens and early 20's I didn't fantasize, I didn't care to do a lap dance or dress up in a sexy costume or to sneak off into a bathroom with the guy I was with. But in my late 20's.. and now into my early 30's I have started to fantasize, have started to want to try new things with my guy to make things even more fun than they just naturally are.

Mine and my boyfriends sex life is awesome, even after a few years together just raw to the point sex is as exciting as ever, but even still we both like to explore some new fun ways to make it even more exciting now and then. I think your age gap with your guy, if signficant, may mean he might want a few more bells and whistles occaisonally than you feel is necessary to have a pleasurable experince. Just have fun and relax... and when you try new things you will see what you like , what you don't like... what you really really like... etc.

**WildChild** · 11-14-2010 08:45 AM

I'd have to say I don't really have fantasies in the sense of wanting some kind of role playing or a specific sexual senario. I do like some variety sexually, some romance, some play, but I don't see that as 'fantasy'. I have mentally explored some areas that I would not want to go in reality, I don't see that as a fantasy in that it is not something I have an interest in doing. I just try to understand what drives the desires to go there.

I have never had celebrity crushes or played those kind of mind games with myself. If I am happy with a particular man in my life I pretty much see other men as just people. I can recognize that they are attractive and that some are men that under other circumstances I might be attracted to but I have no interest in exploring that. When I am loving a man, he is all I want. I may want more affection or touching or spontinaity with him or want to explore things with him but I don't think of that as 'fantasy'. Perhaps this is a matter of defintion? Wanting him to caress me and kiss and touch, is something I see as connection and enhancing our interaction, while I guess I see fantasy as more scripted and staged.

This is getting me thinking. If you plan some time together and have music, candles, finger foods, some massage oil, I've not thought of that as fantasy but just as creating a mood. Heading to the mountains and grabbing a handy blanket just in case isn't what I've thought of as fantasy - just as being prepared in case an opportunity arises. Maybe we need to define fantasy?

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