Thread: Am I just not sexually compatible with my husband?

Just an update everyone, I talked to my husband over dinner and discussed how I'm feeling about the issue. He agreed he thought his frequent masturbation might be the issue. He agreed to lay off for a while and only have sex with me (which should be plenty....we have sex at least five times a week!) I'm really glad we talked about it. He's always been very considerate and stopped the second I said I was in pain but now I feel like we are actually doing something to fix the problem instead of just living with it.

Originally Posted by Allie602

I have to really agree with Wildchild. When I read that part of your post I felt enraged. You need to do the right thing to get this doctor to change his ways. This is not trivial and he knows it. He is dismissive because he hopes you will not take it any further.

The reason I think you should lodge a complaint is to make him learn how to treat patients. There are a number of things you can do. You can lodge a complaint with the state licensing board, Do it in writing with all of the information that you can provide. You can find the name of the person who is head of the board from the web site for your state. First call and tell the person what you are going to do and follow it up with the letter. The complaint stays on his record for his entire career if he gets more complaints he may have his license restricted or not renewed. He knows this and will be very careful from then on.

You should also the hospital where he has privileges to practice. The person you should large the complaint with will depend on the hospital, you can call the hospital and speak to the head of nursing.

Sadly, about three months after the delivery I *did* try to lodge a complaint with the hospital where I delivered. My doctor's office was also located inside the hospital. When I went to discuss it with them, they told me the consent form I signed when I agreed to deliver in the hospital gave the doctor consent to perform any medical procedure in the normal scope of a delivery. The lady I met with told me this included episiotomy, emergency c section, monitoring, administration of pitocin, and so on. Basically I signed my life away. I still lodged a complaint about his behavior when I confronted him about what he had done and it made me feel much better just to have it in writing out there in the universe, but nothing came of it.

***TMI Alert***
I still have pain from my scar and even after I had the episiotomy the incision tore all the way into my rectum. I cried every time I had a BM for months. Intercourse was absolutely unthinkable. I seriously would advise anyone who has a choice to fight against having an episiotomy.

Originally Posted by themeximini

Just an update everyone, I talked to my husband over dinner and discussed how I'm feeling about the issue. He agreed he thought his frequent masturbation might be the issue. He agreed to lay off for a while and only have sex with me (which should be plenty....we have sex at least five times a week!) I'm really glad we talked about it. He's always been very considerate and stopped the second I said I was in pain but now I feel like we are actually doing something to fix the problem instead of just living with it.




Sadly, about three months after the delivery I *did* try to lodge a complaint with the hospital where I delivered. My doctor's office was also located inside the hospital. When I went to discuss it with them, they told me the consent form I signed when I agreed to deliver in the hospital gave the doctor consent to perform any medical procedure in the normal scope of a delivery. The lady I met with told me this included episiotomy, emergency c section, monitoring, administration of pitocin, and so on. Basically I signed my life away. I still lodged a complaint about his behavior when I confronted him about what he had done and it made me feel much better just to have it in writing out there in the universe, but nothing came of it.

***TMI Alert***
I still have pain from my scar and even after I had the episiotomy the incision tore all the way into my rectum. I cried every time I had a BM for months. Intercourse was absolutely unthinkable. I seriously would advise anyone who has a choice to fight against having an episiotomy.

There are remedies to your situation. Just because you gave him permission to do an episiotomy it does not mean that he can do a bad one causing pain and rips. Normal good episiotomies do not tera he butchered the job. You need to see a lawyer and talk to the state licensing board.

You need to see a specialist in gyn repair, not just a gyn ASAP. Some plastic surgeons specialize in repairs of vaginal tears. This is effecting your life big time. Your husband may be understanding for a while but if he is relegated to a sexless status you will have a very unhappy man and your marriage may not survive. That means that it is vital that you get the vaginal tear repaired by an expert. Just an expect mind you, not a gyn.

Originally Posted by Allie602

There are remedies to your situation. Just because you gave him permission to do an episiotomy it does not mean that he can do a bad one causing pain and rips. Normal good episiotomies do not tera he butchered the job. You need to see a lawyer and talk to the state licensing board.

You need to see a specialist in gyn repair, not just a gyn ASAP. Some plastic surgeons specialize in repairs of vaginal tears. This is effecting your life big time. Your husband may be understanding for a while but if he is relegated to a sexless status you will have a very unhappy man and your marriage may not survive. That means that it is vital that you get the vaginal tear repaired by an expert. Just an expect mind you, not a gyn.

Thanks for your honesty. I think this is something I am going to have to look into. I think I might need scar revision, but the idea makes me want to throw up considering how painful the recovery was the first time. Of course if it meant I would no longer have pain during sex, that would be a vast improvement over how things are progressing so far.