Thread: I can't Orgasm! Please help

Hi ladies,

I'm about 19 years old and my first sexual experience was around 16 years old. I had a relationship with this guy for about 15 months. I never experienced any orgasm with him and I didn't really care about it back then. The sex was not always that great and we didn't do that much foreplay. I always faked it.

Anyway, after that 15 months, we broke up( he cheated on me). After a while, I became friends with a guy and over a time we started a relationship. This guy is way more better in sex, he adjusts hisself to my sexual feelings and he loves to play down under. He even said he prefers applyng foreplay on my then me on him. The problem is: I'm still not able to come

I really don't think it's because of him, I seem to not be able to relax. I always get really wet and horny, I get to points where my whole body contracts and where I hold my breath, but still, i just can't get over that edge of orgasm.

Some ''facts'' about me:
-I dont like oral. The idea of him licking there, i just dont like it.
-I also dont like being rubbed on the clitoris. My clitoris is really sensitive. When ever my bf plays with it, I can't hold it for long and push away his hand.
-I'm getting VERY wet and excited/horny from G-spot stimulation. My current bf is really good at that. He can do it really good and applys the ''come here'' sign with his middle finger, faster and faster. This really almost gets me over the edge.
-I did squirt. It feels really good when I do. I did it several times.
-We both still live with our parents.
-I never masturbate with myself. I tried a couple of times, but I just doesn't seem to work. Most of the times my parents are at home and I can't excited when I know people are in the house. And even if i was alone, i can't please my self as my bf would.

As I described, I always get really excited and most of the time i'm almost getting an orgasm; i unintentionally hold up my breath, close my eyes, my muscles/body contract. My bf told me that anytime that im about to orgasm, the muscles in my vagina contract around his fingers, which is a signs of almost getting an orgasm, he said. My bf by the way never pushes me to orgasm. He always tells me to just relax and enjoy the feeling, not to think about the orgasm.

I just hate the fact that i still haven't experienced an Orgasm. I really wanna have it. And im scared that my bf thinks it is all his fault, alltough i told him it's mine.
Can anyone help me please ?

Thanks in advance, Magic

it sounds just like me!! i have a wonderful, loving, and attentive boyfriend who does all i ask and more but i just CANT cum!!!!!!!!! im 20 and never had makes me sad he sometimes thinks its him. just like you it seems like im ABout to orgasm but i never do, it always passes. i cannot relax, by body tenses up and i feel pleasure when that happens, but i try to relax cuz i always hear relaxing will allow the orgasm to happen. i hear deep breathing is really key. a big challenge for me is Trying to relax, which ironically makes it so that im so concentrated on it that im not actually relaxing! im rolling my eyes right now, women, women, women....

i have the same problem. when i masturbate i just rub my clitoris really fast. and after awhile everything starts to tense up it feels so powerfull. but then i have to stop cause its like to much where i cant do it anymore. when i get that felling i feel like it might happen i might squirt but i don't know how to take it to that next level. any suggestions?

Try NOT relaxing: when your orgasm comes, you will NOT be relaxed, not at all!
Trying to relax may be working against you here.
My gf orgasms easily and often - very often - and she says she does it by tensing herself; if she relaxes, it disappears.

Wow, all this sounds a lot like my girlfriend.

She too doesn't masturbate. I don't think she ever has. She always tells me she feels awkward and that it doesn't excite her at all.
Also, when I rub/play with her clit, she often times pushes my hand away saying it's too sensitive and it hurts her. Sometimes she says that I press too hard, but I have paid attention and I do NOT press hard at all, I think it's her sensitivity to it.
Anyways, the main reason why I just joined this fora is because my girlfriend hasn't had an orgasm for the two years we've been together. She says she really enjoys sex, but in all honesty, I really think it's the idea of sex she enjoys. We've tried several positions and nothing has worked.

Wow, I can feel all of you. And Altair, just as you said with the clitoris, i have the same thing. When ever he plays with my clit, after a while I push away his hand. Just can't handle the sensitivity.

I got the same as all described above. Sometimes the orgasm feels really close and then suddenly passes.

Texasred,
Well you i guess you are right about the not-relaxing. But I think i should relax in my mind. I always have this fear in me that im not gonna orgasm again... I need to relax about that.

Anyone have suggestion for us? Any type of book or experienced tips?

Get yourself a pocket rocket and when nobody's home spend about an hour running it all over yourself while thinking about something that really turns you on. Then put it near but not on your clit and keep it there. See if that takes you over the top. Sounds like your problem is you're just stopping too soon.

Hmm, i can try that. Hopefully i will be alone. You see, i go to school so, whenever im back home, everyone is already home.
I dont think the problems lays in stopping too soon btw. My bf always continues arousing me at the g-spot. Even if i would push away his hand, he puts back in and continues(which i like. I have no idea why i sometimes push away his hand).

Btw, I've got an Implanon in my arm for birthcontrol. Could that maybe ruin it? because I did read about reduce in Sex drive, which unfortunatelly happend to me(reduce in sex drive). Could that cause not getting over the edge for an orgasm?

Hormonal birth control does significantly reduce many women's sex drives because it increases the levels of sex hormone-binding globulin in the blood, which in turn decreases both estrogen and testosterone levels (the birth control usually provides extra estrogen, but not testosterone). Both of those hormones are essential to a woman's orgasmic ability and sexual health in general, since testosterone is responsible for sex drive and estrogen is needed for the genitals to become lubricated and aroused. There are many women whose sex drives are not seriously altered by hormonal contraception, but a lot who are as well. I fall into the latter category - when I was on birth control I had NO sex drive at all (and had no idea why), but luckily the weight gain, migraines, and moodiness made me decide to stop taking the stuff (I wasn't sexually active, so it wasn't a problem). Eventually, my sex drive came back!

I'm a virgin still, but I do masturbate a lot (at least once a day), so I'm pretty experienced (LOL) in that field and can offer some tips. First, you guys should start off learning to stimulate your clit to orgasm before you take on the more daunting task of vaginal/g-spot orgasms. Most women can NOT orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone, that's just a fact. I think the last figure I read about that said it was only about 10% of people who could do that. The majority of women need their clitorises stimulated in order to climax, which isn't bad, unusual, or something to be ashamed of at all. After all, we wouldn't blame a guy who couldn't reach orgasm without his penis (the homologous organ to the clitoris) being touched at all, so why should we expect the same thing of ourselves? Sure, vaginal stimulation feels GREAT, but don't be disappointed if you can't finish from just a dildo or your boyfriend thrusting inside you.

How do you all stimulate your clitorises? I've noticed that many women in porn videos and such go at it by rubbing vigorously with a flat palm over their clitoral glans, which might pose a problem if yours is extremely sensitive (I have that issue as well). It can feel good to do that for a few minutes, but eventually it's going to start to feel too intense (not in an orgasmic way). Again, to compare it to a guy's penis, it would be like expecting him to have an orgasm with only the head of his penis being stimulated - some people can do it, but most can't. As many of you know, the shaft needs to be stimulated as well in order for him to finish... It's the exact same way with your clitoris. There are many ways to make sure the clitoral shaft is getting attention; it can be done by hand, with a partner's mouth, a toy/vibrator, etc. The way I do it personally is taking my clit between my index and middle fingers and doing a rolling motion, which feels great.

I agree with Texasred about learning NOT to relax in order to achieve orgasm. It's kind of weird - it's difficult to finish if you're stressed or nervous about something (though that skill can be mastered eventually as well, as I learned) - but you don't want to put yourself in in a sleepy/hypnotic state either. That's gonna kill your orgasmic ability as much as being stressed! It's difficult to explain what to look for unless you've had an orgasm and know what you're looking for. An orgasm is as much a mental thing as it is a physical process, and that's the part that I think is difficult for women to master because we're always thinking, thinking, thinking. It sounds kind of weird, but you have to learn to sort of "let go of reality" and just go with the pleasure. I know that's difficult to understand, but once you've done it you'll know what I mean! It's like trying to explain what a sneeze feels like to someone who has never sneezed, only the sneeze is the single most pleasurable experience a person can have.

I was 19 when I had my first orgasm, later than most women, and by that time I had just sort of given up trying to climax and "accepted the fact" that I was just in that 10% of women who would never experience an orgasm. I think doing that was essential to me eventually becoming orgasmic, because I learned to stop stressing about not climaxing and learned to enjoy myself regardless. Then one day I was watching I watching an erotic video online while touching myself (like I did frequently), and that particular one REALLY turned me on for some reason. I began fantasizing about it, manipulating the images in my head to situations I found EVEN MORE arousing. After a few minutes of doing that, a strange feeling started coming over me - my clitoris became several times more sensitive to every touch, and I started feeling disconnected from reality and slightly light-headed (but in a good way?), and waves of INTENSE pleasure came over me. At first, I had no idea what was going on, became a bit nervous, and almost stopped (remember, I had convinced myself I couldn't orgasm), but then I felt the contractions start and instantly knew I was climaxing and just went with the pleasure.

Wow, what an experience... I couldn't get enough and orgasmed five or six more times that day, only stopping when my clit become too sore to touch. MRI scans have shown that most parts of a woman's brain basically shut down during orgasm (men's brains decrease in activity in many areas too, but not to the extent of women), so that creates an experience unlike anything else. You very literally don't think while you're climaxing, you just feel pleasure. To me it feels like falling out of reality and into a new dimension where the only thing you feel is intense pleasure. That probably sounds a bit scary, but it's not, trust me! The contractions are unmistakable as well. I know before I became orgasmic I would experience periodic involuntary muscle spasms in my genital region while masturbating, and I would think I could be having an orgasm (and consequently saying to myself, "What's so great about that?"), but that's not what the orgasmic contractions feel like AT ALL. The best way I can explain it is kind of like trying to drink a glass of water as fast as you can (and then faster), to me orgasmic contractions have deeper, smoother qualities more similar to swallowing than the "regular" involuntary spasms experienced during sexual arousal.

I believe that any woman can learn to orgasm (unless they have some kind of health problem that's preventing them), and that ALL women SHOULD learn. It's quite a fun thing to do. Anyway, I hope this information will be able to help some of you out, and I sincerely wish you luck in your quest for the elusive orgasm.

Same happens to me, except i'm not sensitive on my button. I wish i had an answer. I think it's mostly mental. I've always had trouble orgasming with boys but by myself it can happen in a mere 2 minutes. With men, it takes several hours over days in a row to get me to teh point where my mind just gives in and i can orgasm (which has happened a grand total of 8 times in 2 years of being sexually active.)
I've only had sex 3 times but i got the "close" feeling for 2 of them.
The 8 times i actually let go, 3 or 4 of them were so just physical based, it was a quick release of tension and was highly weak- the only reason i knew i orgasmed was i started breathing again. It was bad. lol.
The other times, were super super strong! WOW! My whole body spasmed. It was very very nice. I think it was a combination of him not giving up and me holding my breath until i nearly passed out. Tensing helps...but what you got to do is stop thinking "Just come already!" and just enjoy the pleasure and think "I'm not going to come but I'm going to do with it" - when you tell yourself that coming isn't the objective and enjoying the sensation is, then it all of a sudden happens! We both pretty much accepted that i wouldn't come, but then in the morning (and that might help, it being in the morning) he tried again and BAM! It happened!
We need to work on this, especially me, because it's more my head space- not quite yet fully used to letting go of insecurities when i'm being touched to let go and have an orgasm. It could easily be a major issue if we didn't work on it and i didn't tell him how not important it is for me. I enjoy the journey more than the end point.
So my advice from someone in your shoes. Do what feels good...have him continue. (if touching your button isn't your thing then limit it, that's ok). But relax MENTALLY (don't put stress on yourself to orgasm) not physically. Open your eyes if the visual turns you on, tell him to whisper in your ear, lick it, bite it. Do something that realllly turns you on, when your close- it might be enough to tip you over the edge.