I'm lonely but have premature ejaculation, should I just stay alone?
I'd like to have a relationship- get married, but wonder if it's fair to since I have a problem with premature ejaculation,
on the other hand, I'm very unhappy being alone,
I know that sex isn't everything, that there are things to do to help make sex better
but wish to know what reader thoughts are, please feel free to ask any other questions
How is your confidence, out of curiosity? Are you confident in the person that you are and what you have to offer a lady?
Of course you shouldn't just stay alone, that's no way to live a life, but you need to find someone who compliments you and is willing to work on things with you.
Friendship Prayer
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
Amen
Whoever said anything was possible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
How do you know you have premature ejaculation? Is this from a handful of experiences or from a long ongoing relationship with lots of short sex?Originally Posted by ultrablue
I was a virgin until this past summer, I had this crazy idea that with my extensive history of masturbation I'd last a good while my first time. But I lasted a whole 15-20s. I think I made it up to about 30s a handful of times later. This girl was a case of "on the pedestal" because it was my first time dating in YEARS (since my engagement fell through 6 years ago) and I had been a virgin before. I thought she was "too good" for me and trying to impress her, which influenced my inability to last long.
Now I'm dating my current girl and I'm much more relaxed. I have my confidence around her because I know she adores me, that doesn't completely take the pressure off me, I still want to please her, but it helps me relax a bit. After a few weeks with this girl, I can go 5-10 even 15 minutes sometimes.
You go longer in time. Maybe this isn't your issue though. But sex is a HUGELY mental thing, and especially for guys we may not even realize it, and maybe we do and that can make it worse. After my first time I was constantly worried about it, which caused me to shoot quickly the next few times, obsessing only made things worse, lol.
As well, spend some time on this forum and you'll read plenty of posts that talk about a good tongue/fingers can more than make up for any penis issues.
TJP speaks for experience and makes some good points. Don't be so hasty to judge and condem yourself. Lana's questions are good too, confidence is a big factor in this. It affects both your interaction with women and sexual performance.
If you do find after a period of time having sex that PE is an actual concern, there are techniques to retrain yourself. You might look into Tantric practices to learn of one approach. Another consideration is that there are many women who have not learned to orgasm vaginally but who really appreciate a man with a skillful tongue or fingers. You have lots of options, don't write yourself off.
This is a spiral, one thing feeds another. I suggest that you start educating yourself. Get some books, The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus, One Hour Orgasm and I Love Female Orgasm, would some good starters. The better equiped you feel to pleasure a woman, the more confidence you will have in dating and that alone could make the difference for you and her. If you have a relationship that is becoming sexual and she is open to sex, she will appreciate all your efforts. Another option, depending on where you live, would be educational presentations at local adult shops. Many are starting to offer education on everything from safe sex to oral techniques to g-spot stimulation. These sex positive offerings can provide some great tips and give you an opportunity to interact with other adults who are open and talking about sex and sexual issues. This is becoming a big arena as more women and men want to ensure that both are satisfied.
Understand there are some women who simply aren't into sex at all. They have been conditioned to be nonresponsive. If you hook up with one of them they won't mind that you have PE because they reguard sex as a duty, rather than a pleasure or a need. You could have a pleasant life with one of them if you were willing to do without sex. But your issue is PE not lack of interest.
Start educating yourself and get out there and start meeting women.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
I dated someone who didn't last long. He was a virgin. When we first started having sex he would last maybe 1-3 minutes, but the longer our relationship went, he lasted maybe 15 seconds. I think the ONLY reason for that is because he didn't care about how I felt. He just wanted to "get his rocks off". I was more than willing to work with him on it, but he became so selfish about it. You will find someone who won't judge you. When you're in a REAL relationship, its for better or worse. If that person really loves you, they won't let it stop anything. They will help.
After a few days without any I sometimes feel like I am going to blow in 1-2 minute, but I take breaks and can extend it out to 15-30 minutes. Also if you lack confidence in your ability to perform and put undue pressure on yourself, that doesn't help either.
Anti-depressants like Paxil would probably eliminate this issue for you but not sure a doctor would prescribe just for this purpose.
I think that no girl would be satisfied, so it does have a major affect upon my confidence. I'm confident that I'm kind, attentive, would care very much if my wife is happy, and would do everything I could to make her happy.
I was married once before for 6 years, and we tried to work on it, squeeze technique, and other conditioning, where I put my penis into her vagina and let it get accustomed to being in her and there was some improvement.
when she left, I asked her if that was the main reason. she said that she might not have left I didn't have PE.
Later she said changed that and said that was just selfish.
she had been abused as a child, and after she left she went through dozens of men, got married twice and divorced.
So I am not sure if I just married the wrong woman, or if I should move to Alaska. There the female polar bears kill you right away, and put you out of your misery
seriously, I do not want to be alone
Thank you,I dated someone who didn't last long. He was a virgin. When we first started having sex he would last maybe 1-3 minutes, but the longer our relationship went, he lasted maybe 15 seconds. I think the ONLY reason for that is because he didn't care about how I felt. He just wanted to "get his rocks off". I was more than willing to work with him on it, but he became so selfish about it. You will find someone who won't judge you. When you're in a REAL relationship, its for better or worse. If that person really loves you, they won't let it stop anything. They will help.
I do care very much, and would do everything I could to make sure my wife had her orgasms and would also work on it always (I wouldn't quit)
your comments give me hope
Yes I read about them in other forums, I haven't tried it yet, I also read about desensitizing cream. I don't see why a doctor wouldn't prescribe them, after all it's not a Quaalude
lizzardb63 encouraged me that if I meet someone who really loves me she will help me, and if that happens I will try to see if it helps,
thanks
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