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Unless she is lying to you (due to shame? Guilt? Hang ups?)... masturbating only a couple times in her life is a very clear indicator of her lack of interest in sexual pleasure. A person that doesn't experience arousal, has no erotic thoughts enough to get excited and even attempt to 'explore themselves'... is not likely going to be all that receptive to your explorations either.
I agree with the poster that said the flirting you said you started in the bed... should have started in the kitchen, heck in the morning or the night before as well... sending a lil message or something to let you know you are thinking about her, or how excited you are to touch her can put her in a frame of mind. Some women you just have to wink at and they are ready to go, others are like a crock pot that you have to put on simmer for the whole day for them to heat up.
She's still very young, some women don't come into their sexuality until their late 20's early 30's and some even later than that and yep... some never do. You've spent the last 4 years hoping she would find her sexual side and she hasn't... 4 years from now things may be the exact same way... or she may be a new woman, but even if she does become one, will you be a bitter man hooked on internet porn that has no interest in touching her then? will you be resentful and cold from all this rejection? Those are things you have to consider... things she has to consider.
Sex is bonding, its intimacy, even if she isn't experiencing physical pleasure, or in the mood for an orgasm herself, there are things she can do to be close to you and give YOU that pleasure. If her neck hurts and you rub her back, you are not deriving anything from that back rub other than knowing you have made her feel good... your hands could be resting but no, they are working, all to bring her a few moments of pleasure, if she was able to understand and see that connection perhaps there are other ways she could make you sexually happy if penetration isn't her thing, or if she is essentially asexual.
She has pretty much figured out that you love her enough to be with her without sex, she has no reason to think there is a problem going on there. She KNOWS you're sexually frustrated, but she probably assumes you are fine about it.
Does she expect you to live like a priest, remain committed to her in a sexless relationship? It seems like she assumes thats a-ok. It would be a-ok if neither of you enjoyed sex, but that not being the case she has decided for the both of you that you will essentially live as celibates. Pretty selfish, and pretty dillusional. As loving as she sounds towards you and you her outside of the intimacy... you would think the two of you could come up with some sort of compromise...
Obviously you don't want pity sex that she is having just to appease you, no one wants to feel like the person they are making love to is cringing and can't wait to get it over with... that wouldn't exactly make you feel that great about yourself... but perhaps she can compromise on being open to exploring things you guys can do together to try to get her to open up sexually.
Its not a matter of finding her gspot or the pressure her clit needs, you guys have to crawl before you walk on that. Arrousal starts in the mind, you can hit all the right spots in the world but if she isn't into it in her head, its not going to do much for her... so you guys need to work on finding out what lights her fires and makes her think of sex, is it words, is it touches, is it romance, is it visuals, is it roleplay, is it any number of things... she thinks she doesn't think of sex because she just has some low drive issue but perhaps she just hasn't found a way to think about it to spark her desire.
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