Thread: Last Resort...

Originally Posted by urgh

Ii even accued him of being gay because i thought, well maybe ur just not interested in women??!! (he has only had sex with his previous gf and they also had problems)

Don't ignore your intuition about this. Guys who spends that much time and effort on physical appearance (versus training for a sport) are somewhat suspect in my book, especially if they can't perform with a woman. He may be in denial about it.

Originally Posted by Jimbeau

Don't ignore your intuition about this. Guys who spends that much time and effort on physical appearance (versus training for a sport) are somewhat suspect in my book, especially if they can't perform with a woman. He may be in denial about it.

I have to agree with Jimbeau, there may be an issue with his sexuality! As long as, and if, he is in denial or still working it out, you may never see an improvement.

And if he's not gay, it could very well be the pressure. I've had issues getting it up for my girl and it's because I have such high expectations of myself to perform. If my girl was actually calling me out for my performance, calling me gay, etc. I would get very self-conscious and be unable to perform. Maybe when you're drunk you're so into him it turns him on and that's why he's fine with you. And when you're not drunk you're not as into him. My girl being really into me, and really into sex with me, is one major turn on and something that can fix my erection issues whenever they arise from stress or being self-conscious.

And he could very well be self-conscious about performance. He works out and does his best to look good to please other people, it then fits that sex would be what all that work in the gym amounts to, so he wants to succeed there as well.

I really dont know what happened with his ex to be honest, i dont know whether hes just been like that from the very start or a thing thats developed. Im pretty sure its always been the case though as he has said they never really had 'normal' sex. Regarding the gay thing, well hmmm...Haha. To be honest, ya know, im 99.9% sure he is definately not gay, obviously its gonna sound like IM in denial now lol but y'know i brought it up in jest really and he completey disregraded the idea sincerely so yeah, im pretty sure!....

...But obviously if theres no improvement after blood tests/potential counselling (which i think is definately gonna happen as im real sure it is mental and i think hes denying it to himself somewhat, thinking there 'could' be something wrong medically)...then yes i will be enquiring about his sexuality once more!

But yeah your all right when you say about him feeling more at ease with me when im drunk. Thats the major factor why it seems pretty certain that it is something wrong in his mind because it would just make sense really!

He used to be really skinny as a youngster aswell thats why he started going to the gym so i also think it could be potentially aswell, the fact that he has some form of body dysmorphia thats really affecting his confidence!! He's not a massive bodybuilder (yet :\) but for a 21 year old lad hes well built but his mood tends to dip severly when he says he 'feels weak' or doesnt feel 'pumped up' and theres nothing i can say to make him feel better even though hes in really good shape!!

Thanks for all your comments anyway, it will make me feel so much better once we have actually 'diagnosed' the problem so at least we can start to try and sort it out then. Like i have said, likely to be a psychological thing as far as i can see and if so, i know its going to be a long road ahead but i guess we'll just have to wait and see.
Cheers.

It most likely isn't that long of a road. All it takes is for you to be really into it, but not pressure him. Initiate it, be willing to help him out. Don't get mad at him, just be 100% supportive and helpful. I promise you there's a 99% chance that fixes everything and will get him back to "normal" (I'd assume there are always going to be times when a partner isn't fully up for it, so I don't think you can be 100% on always having sex when you want it...)

The problem seems to be in his mind.

So why don't you try to trick it?

What I suggest you could try is somewhat risky but it might work.

When he gets home one night act like you are really drunk and get him close.
Make sure really believes you are drunk. Maybe pour some beer (or whatever) over your shirt. Have an almost empty glas in your hand and almost empty bottle next to you.

If he grabs you and drags you right to the bedroom, things are working out.

Assuming you two had a great workout that night, tell him the next morning that you didn't had that much to drink the night before. And that you love him just the way he is.

Good luck and keep us posted.