Are these indicators that my wife is cheating? And is my penis size a factor?

**shortcomings** · 10-27-2010 12:50 AM

Here are the long details:The fact is this - I have a small penis.

To give you an example of the size, it's about the same length and thickness of 2 "D" Cell batteries put on top of each other.

She's maintained that it is the smallest she's ever had of the 26 guys she's done it with before me, and that my balls are really small, too. But she said it didn't matter because I treated her good and loved her.

She's used dildos to make up for the difference. The last time we had sex, which is almost 1 year ago, she had me use her 9" x 6.5" dildo on her while she got off first, which she did. She always comes incredibly hard when using it, and I mean all of it - all the way in and more, fast and hard. While doing this, she talks about the guys she's screwed and how long and thick their cocks were and how they filled her up and came so deep. She says she does it because it turns her on enough to be able to really come hard, which she says she needs because my little one alone can't make her come.

Anyway, when she was done, I took it out and climbed on and started going at it. I could hardly feel anything, BTW, and she says in an extremely annoyed tone "It feels really little. Get off of me!" That was the last time we did it.

Since then, she's refused my advances.

She's been acting suspicious all year long, especially after she started her own business. Eventually, she would be gone way longer than her projects normally took her in the beginning, and she would be a lot more tired.

She drives to her locations and I'm picky about locking doors, so I always locked the passenger side of her truck before she left as she tends to forget. I noticed since July that this door would be unlocked when she returned home, late, really tired and sore.

Then I noticed someone's cologne scent in the truck one day. So I started checking around and found her cell phone bill because she deletes her call history every day, sometimes more than once. As it turns out, she's been calling the neighbor kid like, every day, and there are incomings from him, and most are all 1 minute calls and the long calls are at night when I'm at work.

I saw him at the store one day and he gave me a really funny look and acted like he'd done something wrong. Now, this kid is 22 years old, my wife is 44 and pretty hot and buff. He's said that she was a MILF in the past, and she seemed to like this.

Once when she was really drunk and he was just a little drunk, she took him upstairs to the bedroom and laid down with him - he called me up and said he needed help getting her to leave him alone.

Here's the other issue - he's got a really big penis. (This I know because I walked in on him and his GF once by accident). The lateness, being tired and sore, and the phone calls have been ongoing since July of this year. I've determined that she likes a big one and I have a really small one, and she won't have sex with me. The neighbor kid is calling her and she's calling him every day. Everything else is great with our marriage save for some money issues and no sex life to speak of.

She's admitted several times before, when she was drunk, that she's been unfaithful to me since the beginning of our marriage with my then-best friend. She told me that the affair lasted about 7 years, and she has since had several one-night-stands when going out to bars, and slept with the other neighbor a few times (he does not live there anymore, BTW). I asked her why she cheated, and she said that she liked to feel wanted, liked the excitement of a new body, and liked the way their big dicks felt - that I couldn't (edit) right, and that I was too small to even feel.

When asked about this while she's not drunk, she'll deny it; ask her about it when she's had a few drinks and she'll admit it all over again.

People have told me before that she's cheated, including her uncle who was a bartender at the above-mentioned bar.

So I'm going crazy trying to figure out if this is my imagination or if it's really happening. Everything I've written is the God's honest truth. What would you think? Do I deserve this due to my lack of endowement?

Granted, I'm far from perfect but love her and really try to be a good husband, father, provider, and friend to her.

I've told her that more than anything I want to have a good relationship with her, but when we're in arguments, she'll immediately go for the jugular verbally, saying things like I'm the "lowest form of scum that ever walked the earth," and that I'm a moron, mimics what I say back to her, calls me bad names, and pretty much disregards my feelings and goes for my vulnerable spots.

I understand that she's upset and I'm a forgiving person, but what gets me is that she never apologizes. So now I'm beginning to wonder if what she says is true.

I do indeed do stupid things at times, forget stuff, procrastinate, nickel and dime money, get irritable, etc.

Shouldn't the important thing be who the equipment is attached to, not just the equipment? I read stories on this site about how other people worked around their incompatibility challenges, but this appears to go way beyond that. I long for someone who likes me for who I am, who wants me around and values my opinion and above all - loves me and acts like it.

The answer is staring me right in the face, but maybe I'm so knocked down that I can't see past my situation or even have the confidence to do anything - that maybe I really do deserve this.

Any input would be helpful - and while I see from proof-reading this that I am most likely being stupid, I really don't need to be told so. I guess I'm afraid, more than anything.

**foxdana** · 10-27-2010 01:45 AM

I am sorry to say that she needs to be kicked to the curb! It sounds like she does cheat, and even if she doesn't, she clearly doesn't care about you or your feeling at all. As for your size, she married you knowing what she was getting into! If it were such a big problem, she shouldn't have married you in the first place. Telling you that you aren't good enough,and to get off her during sex is unacceptable. This should be a deal breaker for you. Find someone who will treat you right!!

**Lunar Keiki** · 10-27-2010 02:13 AM

Wow, that is horrible! She demoralizes you and treats you with so much disrespect. I am not seeing why you stay--it doesn't matter how big or little you are. To me, what is in your heart and how you treat her is so much more important than something so superficial as size.

**Tiptopshape** · 10-27-2010 03:27 AM

I think you honestly know that she's cheating on you and the way she does it is pretty much unforgivable and way over the line. I know that there are ups and downs in a marriage but it's true though that in marrying someone, you must learn to accept the person as a whole. Sex may play a big part into a relationship but there are lots of things that you can do to fill-up each other's differences on the intimacy part.
She doesn't deserve your respect, to be honest, since she does not respect you back. Save yourself from too much heartaches and disappointments. You deserve so much better...

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-27-2010 05:07 AM

Low self esteme ... so what you are smaller, ask women whom have had that, that their men have worked out more important things such as you have explained, love to start with it's not important...

If this post is real? Stop viewing size verses, respect...

This woman will and is dragging you down even more...

Your taking it.

Time to look in the mirror at the inner self...

CW

**Jimbeau** · 10-27-2010 05:35 AM

For some reason the needle on my b.s. meter is tripping wildly. How many guys know how big another dude's equipment is, especially one who's supposedly boffing his wife? I don't believe your very crafted and conveniently detailed story.

**hizenberg** · 10-27-2010 07:19 AM

wow im shocked,first of all of how someone could be so cold and cruel and how someone could personalley attack their partner on an area they are self concious about. mate you deserve better ,full stop. no one should ever say and do the things that she has said and done to anybody. im sorry but she sounds like a *unt. and i use the word liberally. lol it is true that you are 'knocked' down,she has shatterd your self esteem and selfworth by the sounds of what you've said, and i KNOW that you deserve better than that, a stray kicked dog is treated better than that. you shouldnt be put down like that and you wouldnt if she loved you, sorry to be blunt but from all the evidence and things she has said to you it doesnt show that she does at all.
a small penis to loving,affectionate,loyal,faithful guy is perfection compared to a guy with a long penis who cheats,is unintelligent,uncaring or understanding to a womans needs i assure you on that. i once dated a guy whos penis was (almost) to long to fit in me,and he was the biggest jerk god put 2 legs under, he was rough,uncaring ,constantly left me in pain,had no idea on how to talk to a woman let alone treat one and was so vain and shallow about his big penis he had to share it around and then some. not only did he leave me hurt physicalley but emotionally i hurt. and it is true when said it not the size that counts its how you use it,and by you kissing and touching all over and leading into sex is fantastic.
a real loving woman will be thrilled to have you kissand touch her all over and vice versa as it creates emotional closness and bonding, that is what counts at the end of the day because when we're all old and grey and there is no emotional closness there im sure a shallow woman is going to kick herself as the uncaring jerk is useless!! lol not saying all men are jerks and whatever but im sure you get what im trying to say. what you need to ask yourself is that 'are you happy with the situation and relationship the way it is ?' and do you want to continue being batterd down like this?? i would outright confroint the neighbor if your wife cannot be honest, i think you should not question your judgement as i have already said to me i think your suspisions are correct but you have to be positive first before you can make a clear desicion on what next step to take. it all realy boils down to is do you want to be happy?( life is too long to spend it miserable and unhappy) will she ever change her ways? (i dont think so i.m.o.) are you/her just comfortable to not leave (i understand you have a family also involved but what example are you setting to your son/daughter by allowing her to treat you so nastily? do you want your daughter to treat her husband the same one day?i can almost bet $100 your wife has displayed her nasty colours in front of the family) you need to take time out to look after you, because i assure you there is a woman out there who would love your 'small' penis and most of all love who you are, and besides have i mentioned that a smaller penis would be very useful for 'backdoor' play and (very injoyable!!) i do wish you all the best on making your desision and i do hope you find a woman whos going to treat you and your penis very very kind... lol please keep us posted and KEEP YOUR CHIN UP !!!!

**Mr. Inquisitive** · 10-27-2010 07:23 AM

Originally Posted by Jimbeau

For some reason the needle on my b.s. meter is tripping wildly. How many guys know how big another dude's equipment is, especially one who's supposedly boffing his wife? I don't believe your very crafted and conveniently detailed story.

He could just be naive, in denial or have to actually see someone doin' his wife to believe it. But I have to agree with Jimbeau, the story sounds a little fishy. If its true, give her the ole heave hoe.

**shortcomings** · 10-27-2010 11:18 AM

Not made up at all. Indeed it does sound like a fantastic story, but it's all true. Actually, if I were to remove the penis references from the story, it would probably sound more believable.

The reason I use the reference is due to the devastating effect of no intimacy, physical or otherwise has caused to my self worth. I know that I deserve better logically but feel that I am unworthy of happiness in a relationship emotionally. Too many battle scars, maybe? She's even told me that if we were to divorce, I'd live a lonely existence because no woman would ever "put up with my sh-t."

We've been through 10 months of therapy together, and each and every time her faults or transgressions were brought up, it was shot down by her. She would turn it back onto me and my faults - that is to say that she was instantly on the defense. The therapist could not break through this so it never got resolved. I've personally been seeing a therapist for the last year and he agrees that I should get out, quickly. He says I need to have a safe refuge to "escape" to when the time comes, because it's just going to get worse, which is true. He met her once and instantly pinned her as having a mental illness that he's seen before, but is tremendously difficult to treat. Symptoms: control/power issues, low self-esteem, defensive, narcissistic, aggressive, self-involved, pushing people away emotionally and then feeling lonely and victimized and wondering why. She refused to see a therapist by herself as she indicated that she was okay, it was me that needed to change.

All-in-all, my junk is not the issue. It's the deeper emotional pain and lack of intimacy that is the real issue. We've slept in separate bedrooms for well over a year now. I crawled into bed with her last night to see if I might be able to get a little loving - even if it was just to sleep next to a warm body. She woke up and said "No!" so I went back to my room. While laying next to her, the old feeling of seeking acceptance from her came back in an instant. I realized that I've had these feelings about her for 22 years - doing everything I can to make sure she's happy, whether it be meeting her (unrealistic) expectations, making sure I do everything she tells me to do, and properly (translate that to "the way she would do it"), or even making sure she's satisfied in bed, so I don't become victim to her verbal taunts about never being good enough. When I tell her that I'm doing my best, she will actually say "Well, I guess your best just isn't good enough." I've heard her say this to our 10 year-old son, too. When I ask about why she won't have sex or even be intimate in any regard, (kissing, hugging, even a nice compliment), she says that she's tired, or stressed, or she has a lot on her mind. Based on what she tells me, she seems to be constantly on her period - there's always some excuse.

I understand that the right thing to do is usually the hardest thing to do. In this case it means divorce, which I've never experienced and scares the out of me. She's stated quite clearly that if I file for divorce, she'll make my life a living for me (like she hasn't already). She's a miserable person and has been this way her whole life, says her sister. The next step for me (and my son, as he's starting to realize she's not like other moms), is to prepare for war, so-to-speak. I guess I'm posting on here as a way to vent and also to not feel alone in this. Perhaps to gain insight on how to best deal with getting out of this situation, so any feedback would be appreciated.

As for the nay-sayers, please go find someone else to pick on. This situation is very real, whether you have the mental capacity to wrap your mind around it or not.

To everyone else, I offer a sincere thank you for your input and compassion.

**pretzel** · 10-27-2010 11:47 AM

From my perspective,

If you're making your size an issue based on past history then the relationship was at a disadvantage to begin with. There's more to sex and intimacy than size.

To the question of cheating, I think you know the answer and if you're looking for confirmation then from all you've said here, then I would agree with you that there is very real reason to believe it.

To your question concerning your wife's state of mind, the ability of someone to recognize they have a problem is the hardest hurdle to overcome. These issues aren't new or relatively new but have been long standing and have never been addressed even in her younger days. Now she's so ingrained in these personality symptoms that they are second nature. They have become her personality and everyone can agree but only she can get help unless you feel so strongly that she needs to be involuntarily treated. That is not going to happen.

My guess as to your course of action is to do what your therapist says and get out not only for your sake, but for you kids sake. However you must remember and understand that even if she threatens you with a nasty divorce (which she will) you will have sufficient ammo to counter those claims.