Thread: Giving but not receiving?

Hello, long time forum reader, first time poster. Never thought Id have to start a thread about anything, but here I am....

Anyway, I've been having a slight problem lately with my long time boyfriend. We have just started getting physical for the past couple of months, and prior to that I was a complete prude virgin. All I had done was kissed. So, I was introduced to oral play and have given him bjs id say I could count on both of my hands. My issue is receiving. He completely works me up by saying he wants to, and he has, as of tonight, twice so far. My issue is how long it lasts, the first time only lasted around 5 minutes and tonight seriously lasted like a minute. I dont even get to feel it long enough to enjoy it. Yet when i do the favor, i spend how ever long it takes until he comes. I made a slight remark which I think sort of hinted towards him always working me up but stopping too quick, but Im unsure how to approach this. Before we had even done any oral i asked if he even enjoyed eating out, and he said he wasnt a fan of it, but assured me he wanted to do it so bad. But his actions dont really match up to what he says. Earlier today he was also describing doing it, but i was left upset and sad after it didnt even last. So do i mention it to him tomorrow, or do i just refuse to give bjs? (even though i enjoy giving, i also want to receive)

You should say it to him, he'll be clueless about it if you won't open up. Just say it in a sweet way though so he wouldn't get offended.

Why not ask him what it is he doesn't like about it? It might be as simple as he can't breathe very well or his tongue gets tired. There may be some things you can do then to make it easier on him. For example having him use his hands while he's doing it.

It could very well be that he is unsure of how much you are enjoying his actions... most guys... if they know you are really enjoying something... anything at all, they don't want to stop making you feel good. Be vocal when he does it, tell him how good it feels , gently hold his head and let him know physically know you want him where he is, caress his hair, etc. Allow yourself to get lost in the moment tell him things like 'keep it right there' or 'please don't stop' or ' i want to come'... if you are sort of quiet and not worked up enough to give physical cues, he may think it isn't all that great for you and get on to other business rather than stay there. .

Give him feedback aftward or the next day, let him know... i love it when you do this or that, or that feels so good, i wish you could do that forever, or if you keep licking a little bit longer I'll explode... can you touch me when you do it?

Most guys just don't know, they don't know what a woman they are with likes (we are all SO different on what feels good , where , when, pressure, sensitive areas, etc) but the good thing is most are eager to please when they actually know 1. That you want it from them 2. That you are derriving great pleasure from their work and 3. That you give back as much as you are asking for and more.

The most important thing in every relationship is meaningful communication. That doesn't mean dropping hints either. Sit him down and have a long talk with him. Don't beat around the bush. Come right out and tell him exactly what you need. Find out what he needs as well. Do this not just once, but on a regular basis. Be willing, eager and enthusiastic to satisfy each others needs totally. Make sure he's satisfying you totally, not just you him. Speak up during sex if you need something that he's not doing. If he's not being as eager and enthusiastic as you are, don't wonder why, find out why.

come to think of it, last night he did ask if it felt good when he was slowing down to stop, in which i said yes....... i know i need to be vocal about how good it feels and that was in my mind last night, but i just cant get myself to say it sometimes. i didnt think really that would have had anything to do with it, but i guess i should bring up what he did positively and just kinda add the "i wish it lasted longer" towards the end, we have great communication but this is just my first experience and i dont know if it sounded silly bringing this up. thank you for the feedback! anything else would be greatly appreciated.

So I said something today about how what he did last night felt incredible and that I wish it had lasted longer. He just sort of gave a "haha" and changed the subject. So I straight asked what the issue was and he told me he previously didn't enjoy going down on chicks before me and that he needed to warm himself up to it and I should be thankful. I told him that I was just left confused since he always talked but never really did and that I'm fine with whatever pace he wanted to go at and reassured him I'm happy to be intimate with him. Any suggestions on anything I can do? Now I'm going to feel like he isn't enjoying himself the next time he does it and its going to interfere with me enjoying it. Ughhh!

I started a thread on a similar problem its called 'blowjob vs. eating out'. Talk to him about it

Talk, talk, talk! Someone previously stated how important OPEN communication is. It is very important, in my opinion that you start off in this relationship being open and honest with each other.

As a man, I can tell you that the thought of going down on a woman for most men is a turn on. The problem is once we get there, we either don't know what to do or how to do it, or based on the angle of our head/neck it get so uncomfortable so quickly (for some) that it becomes painful and who wants pain where there should be nothing but pleasure? Next time you want your man to go down on you, raise up for him by putting some pillows under your butt to elevate yourself.

It has nothing to do with taste or anything being wrong with you..... It may have more to do with the position your in when receiving, an inexperienced giver, or really not knowing how to please you once he's down there.

I think it's all based on open communication. He needs to know that you enjoy it, what you enjoy about it and where and how you enjoy it.

Originally Posted by jonnie_rocks

Talk, talk, talk! Someone previously stated how important OPEN communication is. It is very important, in my opinion that you start off in this relationship being open and honest with each other.

As a man, I can tell you that the thought of going down on a woman for most men is a turn on. The problem is once we get there, we either don't know what to do or how to do it, or based on the angle of our head/neck it get so uncomfortable so quickly (for some) that it becomes painful and who wants pain where there should be nothing but pleasure? Next time you want your man to go down on you, raise up for him by putting some pillows under your butt to elevate yourself.

It has nothing to do with taste or anything being wrong with you..... It may have more to do with the position your in when receiving, an inexperienced giver, or really not knowing how to please you once he's down there.

I think it's all based on open communication. He needs to know that you enjoy it, what you enjoy about it and where and how you enjoy it.

I appreciate the response so much. The thing is I have such a mixed opinion on this, it is important for me to receive oral because its always been a sexual fantasy of mine. Every sexual thought I have of him usually involves him going down on me. So I want to emphasize this, then again I don't want him to feel like I'm pressuring him into it or I definitely do not want him to do it because he feels he has to. I just don't know how to approach this, ill probably bring it up during our next encounter? I usually go down on him a majority of the time but honestly after that all happened and he unzipped for me to do him, I felt emotionally hurt and didn't really wanna do it, which I should not have. It just hurts knowing I would go to such extents with oral sex to please him and make him feel good, including swallowing... I feel like, if he loves me so much wouldn't he want to please me to? Despite the fact that I guess he is "trying" but obviously not hard enough!