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Thread: Sharing my wife

  1. #1
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    Default Sharing my wife


    Hello,

    I am very interested in my wife having sex with another man. I thought about it from both a fantasy and realistic point of view and I still want to do it. I'm not the jealous type! My wife is afraid she may get emotionally attached but is open to the idea. Any thoughts?
    Larry likes this.

  2. #2
    Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Array Agony_Aunt's Avatar
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    If your wife feels she may get emotionally attached even though she is married to you. I don't think this is a very good idea.

    Your wife has already basically stated she is vunerable towards getting emotionally attached. How would you feel if she did sleep with another man, then months later she tells you she is in love with him?

    As she is interested in doing it, she has to realise it is solely about sex and that's all. Her emotional attachment should only be for you as her husband.
    I'd suggest a lot more thinking about this before making any decisions.
    Live Like There's No Tomorrow, Laugh Until The Pain Goes Away, And Love Like Nothing Else In The World Matters.♥.

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    WH Head Moderator Array WildChild's Avatar
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    Why not look into polyamoury?
    We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer

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    Quote Originally Posted by WildChild View Post
    Why not look into polyamoury?
    Interesting but disturbing the statement "share my wife" as if she's a lawnmower or some other property. Perhaps the OP has homosexual tendencies and wishes to use his wife to get closer to a man? He might want to explore this "need" with a therapist to see what's really driving it.

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    WH Super Moderator Array Hopeless Dork's Avatar
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    If she has voiced her concerns about becoming emotionally attached... she is TELLING you that sex is emotional for her... asking her to perform with others to fullfill some porno fantasy of yours may very well lead to her falling in love with another man... and quite possibly leaving you for him. You will kick yourself and say she TOLD me she may get emotionally attached, she TOLD me.. is it worth the risk? Would you be willing to lose her to another man just to check off an item on your sex bucket list?

    The fantasy to those situaitons almost always superceed the actuality... so why not keep it a fantasy unless she feels like its something she WANTS to do, and isn't just doing FOR you.

    And 'share your wife' implies you are making the call, like just because you say you allow her to be with another man because it will turn you on doesn't mean its what she wants or should do.

    I can tell you, a lot of women feel secure with a man that would not want such a thing, and bringing it up can create an insecurity that you don't love her quite as much. I would be crazy turned off emotionally if my guy wanted me to sleep with another man. Its generally seen as a sort of weakness... the whole cuckolding thing, wife humiliating husband. Oh I know some guys are into it... but not all women are into disrespecting their wedding vows just to add some spice for their husbands.
    Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork View Post
    Its generally seen as a sort of weakness... the whole cuckolding thing, wife humiliating husband. Oh I know some guys are into it... but not all women are into disrespecting their wedding vows just to add some spice for their husbands.
    Well said.

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    WH MODERATOR Array Beautiful Disaster's Avatar
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    I think when sex is an emotional thing for someone they really don't quite grasp the idea of a fantasy like that. When it's emotional, there are much deeper feelings there than just sexual. Women that fall into this realm, they don't want someone that WANTS to share them, they want someone that DOESN'T want to share them. They want someone that feels as emotionally connected as they do, someone that feels protective and even a little jealous at times. If she were to push herself to do something like this, I have a very strong feeling it would leave her feeling degraded, unloved and insecure. Plus, she has to know that if things turned sour, you'd ALWAYS have that image of her with another man in your mind, and you'd always be able to hang that over her head.

    You see this stuff on porn...yeah it's fun to watch, fun to sort of fantasize and put yourself in that position.....but in reality, I just think alot of women would truly feel like your willingness to "share" them meant you didn't quite feel for them what they feel for you. And I think her response to you is her passive way of warning you even though she wants to please you.

    "Be what you're looking for."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster View Post
    You see this stuff on porn...yeah it's fun to watch, fun to sort of fantasize and put yourself in that position.....but in reality, I just think alot of women would truly feel like your willingness to "share" them meant you didn't quite feel for them what they feel for you. And I think her response to you is her passive way of warning you even though she wants to please you.
    And what's with this whole porn genre of white guys arranging for their white wives to have sex with black men? Is that supposed to be even more degrading? Who's the target audience for that, white guys, married women, or black dudes? There seems to be a whole sociology of porn that I just don't understand.

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    All I can say is I would leave and divorce if asked to do this because it would show me my husband didnt love or respect me or he wouldnt want someone else to have me that way. This is suppose to be very special between 2 people especially if you marry them. There are toys if your that curious and that dont degrade her.

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    WH Head Moderator Array WildChild's Avatar
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    This is all a matter of perspective. The OP didn't provide enough info to know what he was looking for in this experience. So far all the respondents are seeing this as an act of degregation or that the man essentially 'owns' his wife and will put her in a compromising posistion as some sort kink. Certainly porn feeds that kind of view.

    However, it is possible that there are other aspects to this, that is why I suggested he look into polyamoury. There are many people who are not sexually possesive in a relationship and who truly want their partner to have as much pleasure as possible. This is called compersion and is essentially experiencing joy and/or being turned on by your beloved experiencing joy and pleasure with another. It is the opposite of jealousy. This is not anticipation of degrading someone, of setting some sort of gang bang, or their body being used and abused.

    It may also emcompass situations where one partner has a physical or emotional condition that prevents them from sharing pleasure with the other. One example of this often used is that of Justice Sandra Day O"Connor, whose husband has alzheimers, he developed a romance with another woman and she was happy to see how content and happy he became with that. That is one form of compersion.

    We don't know what the OP had in mind or is looking to happen with this situation but it doesn't Have to be negative.
    We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer

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