Is BF trying to make me jealous or just being honest

**em393** · 10-29-2010 10:26 PM

So I have been seeing my boyfriend for about a month, everything has been really good but our sex has been kind of awkward. First, in the beginning it hurt for me because he has a really big penis and I have only been with one other guy. Another problem has been that we've had to stop and start over a couple times because isn't very good with condoms. And I think he's mad because whenever he starts to go fast his penis hits my cervix and I ask him to slow down because it hurts like . Last night he told me that his last girlfriend would have orgasms from sex because of this (penis touching cervix) and I've never heard that. Is he being serious or just trying to make me jealous. We had smoked some pot before if that means anything.

**Hopeless Dork** · 10-29-2010 10:37 PM

Well first of all.. all women get pleasure differently and some do recieve pleasure from the way you describe. HOWEVER... your bf made a first class jerk move talking about what his ex gf liked in bed... umm thats relevent how? Would you tell him how the one other guy you slept with was better at putting condoms on? Or would you realize that is a rude and insensitive thing to say? I'm sure you know its not cool to talk about an ex sexually and compare it to your current... I don't think he was trying to make you jealous... I think he just didn't think about your feelings AT ALL when he said that...

You've only been with him a month, but if he is that careless with your heart ... i'd call a penatly on that play and proceed with caution until you can determain if he is just simple and doesn't realize that something like that is innapropriate, or if he said it with the intent to hurt your feelings just to boost his own ego.

**themeximini** · 10-29-2010 11:07 PM

I'm willing to bet some women enjoy that sort of thing, but I sure don't. Ouch! Regardless, why would he tell you something like that??? There is no reason to bring up what past partners enjoyed at all, especially if it is in an effort to make the new partner jealous. It sounds to me like he is being a jerk!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-30-2010 03:31 AM

You know sweet, if he can't control himself, that being that he can't keep the condom on, can't work with you to make you enjoy it, uses his ex as "it's your fault", he's not one caring man now is he...

I would hassed at a guess that he's going way fast, in and out, not using enough lube, digging deep, me,me,me,me, and has no idea at all that you are a person, rather a...

Anyway, point being

Ensure you tell him the above... He has no idea how to make love, just in and out sex, and it's him that needs to work on this not you..

Too deep, too fast, hitting the cervix can hurt a women, doing it slowly and sensually can be really nice...

Tell him to make love to you instead of thinking your a sex object to have sex with and to blame you for his downfalls..

CW

**Hopeless Dork** · 10-30-2010 07:05 AM

You are right CW, I didn't put 2 and 2 together the way you just did. The hitting the cervix repeatedly, the condom falling off over and over (too much in and out thrusting is very very likely the cause as you pointed out -- i.e... hammering away)... it sounds like he is making sex ALL about his own pleasure. I'd also wager to guess he is feeling a little insecure so through out the ex comment to validate himself to you... like fine if your not happy with the way i perform, my ex was! It could be that he is just inexperienced and lacks tact... but it could be that he is selfish and more concerned with his own ego than your pain.

I'd pay attention to figuring out which of those it is as people rarely change their true colors. How does he treat you outside of the bedroom?

**WildChild** · 10-30-2010 09:25 AM

OH but the women in porn just love it that way. Just listen to them! Ever noticed that the only porn you'll see condoms in is gay porn?
Not to start another porn-is-the-problem thread, he needs to be making love to you, not his ex and he needs to understand that its about both of you. Don't feel that because you have been with just one other man that you don't have enough experience to know what works for you. There is a whole lot to sex you have yet to explore but you know what feels good and what doesn't. I think CW and HD are right that there is some insecurity and inexperience on his part.

We all have to start somewhere but unfortunately our society puts a burden on males with an expectation that they are somehow supposed to have more sexual knowledge and experience than women. Its hogwash. We all learn the same way. Because male gentalia is more up front, they often have more experience with self pleasure, so they may know more about what gets them off but that doesn't translate into knowing what to do with a woman. Throw in a little ego and less than fabulous communication on both sides and you have the general mess most of us have dealt with at some point.

Talk to him. Calmly. In simple language. Not durning sex. Point out that you aren't his ex and that what any other woman on the planet likes or doesn't is completely irrelevant, just as whatever your ex did or didn't do is irrelevant. Tell him you want to learn what pleasures him and want him to learn what pleasures you. You can learn together and have lots of fun exploring. Keep it light, no hyper-emotion but be very clear about it.

**sourpuss** · 10-30-2010 09:34 AM

Sounds like he's just a bit inexperienced in the department as far as knowing that all people's bodies are different and what feels good for one, may not for another. He's also a bit inexperience in the manners department as well it seems.

**Hopeless Dork** · 10-30-2010 09:46 AM

Yeah if it was his first offense I'd give him a pass on it with an explaination of how hurtful and innapropriate it is to be compared sexually to an ex... and if he continues to reference his former lovers vagina... then I'd have to be moving on

**Beautiful Disaster** · 10-30-2010 01:39 PM

I don't think he's trying to make you jealous, I think he's trying to make you feel bad about yourself like something is just wrong with you. And I think it all stems from the fact that he's not able to please you (obviously not very pleasing if it hurts) using his same methods he's used in the past. So it's his way of saying " I know you're not getting pleasure from this, but it's your fault not mine". That way he doesn't have to feel "inferior" in the bedroom.

But really....he's a bit inferior as your lover....because he's not taking the time to learn you and figure out what feels good to you. Chances are, dude doesn't even know what a cervix is and wouldn't know one if it hit him in the face, much less hit his penis. *rolling eyes* Maybe he hit her cervix, and she liked it. Not all women will. Some women can't orgasm through penetration, some can only through clitoral stimulation. And if he's King of the Female Orgasm and all, he should know that.

**em393** · 10-31-2010 12:13 PM

Thanks for all of these comments. After I have thought some more I think you all are right, he is trying to make me feel like I'm not as good as his ex and even if he isn't being honest it still sucks. I should have said earlier that our sex isn't bad (actually one time it was amazing) but it just feels like we can't go "all the way" and also I won't get on top. So I understand why he is frustrated, I just wish I could fix it.