Thread: Sex freaks me out, help!

Assuming you have been to an OB and there are no medical issues, my best guess is that you don't long to do it because it's never been a pleasant experience for you. Why would you long for something that hurt and left you crying? I think you have a mental block because of that. When I was your age I didn't really get into masturbation either, didn't really have much desire to do it. I don't think you're totally uncommon in that. The sex part, like I said, I can totally understand why you wouldn't have the desire to do it if it hurt you that bad. As for oral, again....inexperience. You perhaps feel a lack of confidence about performing oral because you don't know for sure what you're supposed to do, if you're doing it right, etc. Giving oral is not the most comfortable thing in the world for a gal. But when you're nervous it makes it even worse because your mouth is tense, dries up, etc. (Ironically much like the vagina. ) Once you get COMFORTABLE with it, it's not so bad and it's definitely worth it to get to see your guy enjoying himself so much.

Him getting impatient won't help. I understand both sides though, and I can understand his frustration. I think it's important to sit down with him and tell him you love him very much, but that you feel like you moved into sex with him too fast and that you weren't ready. The experience was painful and embarassing for you. And now you feel a tremendous amount of pressure to be this sexual being you don't truly feel you're mentally/emotionally ready to be yet.

Talk to him.

Don't write yourself off at 20 as a totally non sexual woman. I don't believe that is the case here at all. I think there's definite potential for you, but it needs to start with self exploration first. Quit putting pressure on yourself to feel a certain way because not everyone feels the same way from the same things. Learn to let go a bit and try to enjoy the moment you're in instead of lying there exploring yourself saying in your mind "hmm, nothing yet. Still don't feel anything......".

Be patient with yourself girl. Be openminded and I think this is something that will pass for you.

sounds like your a very elf concious girl...out of tune with reality in a sence....and if you dont think you orgasmed with your shower head ...you didnt...you cant mistake an orgasm, once you have one youll know...and want it again and again!! as for the sex....i think you need to just relax and put your inabitions behind you...its a healthy , active, fun, enjoyable thing to do! maybe have a glass of wine or two before and try it so your a little more relaxed and open minded...I've never had a girl who doesnt like sex but coming from a guy....if my gf wouldnt have sex with me ide leave....its not the most important thing in a relationship but honestly there is a huge attraction you gain from sexual relations with your partner... your young now try and enjoy it...cause one day youll be all old and wish you didnt miss out on the great sex you could have had!

Ok. I am going to jump in on this one. How old is the BF? Or how much experience in the sex arena does he have? A lot has to do with him being able to get you to relax. I do agree that if you don' t if you had an orgasm then you didn't. I am 34 and only just recently did I really start enjoying the whole masturbating thing. You need to realize that EVERYBODY at first stumbles their way through sex men and women alike. As you grow you find what you like and what you don't like. The best part is telling your partner yes....keep doing that...or no don't.....sometimes something gets so worked up in your head that you can't get there from here.....you would be surprised at the number of things you will try and say hey I really liked that but then find something you thought you would love....and end up hating. Maybe when he rubs you he doesn't rub you right for you. tell him let him play around tell him when he hits a good spot. Men are relatively easy to figure out, women on the other hand there are so man things that we can LOVE or HATE and that can turn us on like the flip of a switch or turn us off. Men need just as much guidance in trying to figure it out.

Maybe start off by just getting comfortable around him naked. Just work on maybe 15 20 mins at a time getting used to no top then maybe nothing. It well help you get comfortable. It will also allow him to touch you whenever. Maybe he could give you a rub down....KNOWING up front its just a rub down. Nothing more. You would be more relaxed and would enjoy it more and get used to his touch and him you.

I hope I gave you some things to ponder. Good luck. Sex is truly a wonderful thing. As you get older you will truly learn to LOVE it. I could not fathom a day without having. I didn't used to always feel that way but just know it is truly a pleasant experience and just remember he is learning to.

To answer _redhot_, he's 21. He's has 2 serious girlfriends before me that he was sexually active with, and early in college a couple of one night stands. Which is the reason I think he can't get me to relax... he's never had to deal with this before.

But thank you everyone for your suggestions (even more would be great too!). We're spending the weekend together so I'll see what happens.

At 21 he doesn't really know what he is doing yet either.....keep that in mind. He is probably just as frustrated because he doesn't know what to do. Try a couple of different experiments where you guys just get comfortable being around each other in an intimate manner but one that has nothing to do with sex. ALso maybe you could try masturbating for him....showing him what you like.

Does it have to do with your religious convictions? Sometimes, there are times that you'd want to let go and be in the moment, but there is this thing that keeps bugging from deep within - maybe something your mom told you when you were a teen, the way things "should be" according to mommy, etc...

Do you think its because you had some bad first experiences and now you're afraid it wont get any better and it will be painful?

Originally Posted by cat109

The thing is, I love my boyfriend. I really do. But I hate sex, I hate going down on him, I hate everything sexual. I don't want to do it. I love just spending time with him, watching movies, cooking, cuddling, all that. We make out sometimes, and sometimes I'm into it and sometimes I'm not. I just don't know what to do... I want to have a great, sexual relationship. I'm worried that I'll never be able to have sex or get turned on. I don't even have a desire to masturbate anymore. I'd really just like some advice, ways to fix this, ANYTHING really! Please help!

This is going to sound terrible, but the difference, to me, between an amazing friendship and an amazing partnership is sex. Without sex, you're just a really good friend.

I'm trying my hardest to understand you, and I just can't see exactly where you're coming from. So, I decided to tell you why I love sex.

I love. I loveee. Touching my man. I love hearing the sharp intake of his breath. I love seeing his eyes go soft. I love when I wrap my hand around him, he tenses, and as I massage him, he can put his head back and relax. I love giving him -that- feeling. I enjoy taking him in my mouth because of how happy it makes him.

No... having a big piece of something slide down your throat isn't what I like to do in my spare time, but knowing how much he loves it -- it's worth it. It's love. It's everything I feel being offered to him. It's there to show him he's loved. To relax him. To tease him. To make him smile. To think, God this is what I've been missing my whole life. I want to be that woman for him.

I love our lips touching. There's nothing else to really say about kissing. Sometimes it's passionate, sometimes it's just a quick reminder of saying, "Hey, I love you." as he runs out the door.

And most of all, I love sex. You've got to take it slow and easy for the first few times, or if you haven't had sex in a while. You've got to make sure your body is ready. And hunny, if you don't know if you have had an orgasm, you haven't. Let me tell you something. The second you feel it, it's a bond that brings the two of you together unlike anything before.

And afterwords? The closeness you share... you think cuddling feels close? There's nothing like being wrapped up tight in his arms after you've just made him the happiest man in the world. There's nothing like sharing that feeling with someone. And there's nothing that will make you feel as if you're one in the same -- instead of two people.

I wish there was an easy way to help you understand. It's a gift, not something to hate on. It's amazing. It's glorious, and it's shared, just between the two of you.

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My best advice to you is quit being selfish. Let lose, have fun, and do things for him. Soon enough, you'll be comfortable letting him do the same things to you. It's a treasure, and a shame you can't see the gold in front of you.

Good luck dear, and really try to open up.