Thread: why pre-marital sex is not a good choice

What you regard as sacred sex and what someone else thinks of as sacred sex may be entirely different. I know people who are monogamous and people who are polyamorous who are practitioners of Sacred Sex, that is Tantric sex. The polyamorous have love and caring for their partners and very clearly defined boundries and expectations for sex that is safe physically and emotionally but they are not monogamous. To them this type of sex is essentially a form of worship. They do not stay in or engage in relationships that are not sex positive and both emotionally and physically satisfying. They devote a good deal of effort to learning how to pleasure their partners and themselves.

Much of what we create for ourselves in our lives rests upon the choices we make, the beliefs we adopt, our expectations and limitations we set.

Your comment; "I hope one day I will fall in love though at the rate I'm going I'm starting to be pessimistic. Anyway, if I do fall in love I would hope I would do what Katherine Hepburn did and love the person so much that you can't leave them, even if they are a drunk, or in this case, lame in bed. "

sounds like you are at least in part looking at abstinance as a justification for anticipated poor sexual performance. You can learn to pleasure a partner at any time in your life. But, what holds true of all the rest of your body and physical performance levels, holds true for sexual performance - use it or lose it. Much of our responses are learned. Some are learned as we grow up, if our care givers express alarm or fear or revulsion for something, we are likely to adopt that too. Other responses are the result of experience and openess. If we are open to experience then we try new tastes, textures, touches, and learn to either find delight in them or to shut them out.

My personal belief is that spending a significant part of our lives denying our natural needs and desires is unhealthy. Sex is not only a physical joining but an emotional connection and it connects us to ourselves as well as others. It has been used as a tool for instilling guilt and controlling people by a number of belief systems. There are many ways you can give and recieve sexual pleasure without having intercourse. Learning to pleasure a woman using your caring touch or your tongue can delight her and she can bring you great pleasure as well. But you have to be open and willing to explore and communicate.

There is really no excuse or justification for being a poor lover. Not all people are compatible,they desire different approaches and techniques, getting out in the world and interacting lets you explore and determine what you want in a compatible partner. Not doing so greatly increases the chance that you will both be disatisfied. Life is both too short and too long to spend sexually frustrated.