why pre-marital sex is not a good choice

**bob_smith** · 11-07-2010 03:46 PM

The logic is very simple: the more you view sex as sacred the more successful your marriage will be.

If your wife or husband is merely number 13, then they are much less special than if they are number one. Sex is life's greatest joy but it is also a means of binding you to the person you love. If you use sex to please yourself then it loses its binding power.

The two things that make people most happy is their job and their spouse. You need to prepare yourself for a good marriage before you get married. You can't expect to have a good marriage if you've put no effort into it before it occurred.

Of course I have quite a few sexual weaknesses, I've been to quite a lot of strip clubs in my day and watched a lot of porn, but I always did it, not because I wanted to, but because I couldn't resist. Thankfully I made a vow to give up full sex before I had become seriously addicted to it, so I've been able to stick to that vow, even though there is a lot of room for improvement.

**Hopeless Dork** · 11-07-2010 03:54 PM

I think thats a fairly distorted view of sex. Sex is not lifes greatest joy, not to me... love is. And when you are in love with someone they are the most special person in the world to you... everything they did before you , everything you did before doesn't matter. The act of sex itself wouldnt change that. Should people also not date prior to marriage? If they made dinner for a man could they then never make it for their husband , in a special way? Because making dinner for someone else has made making dinner for someone else in the future less special?

I think when you elevate sex to a plain and elevate women or men who haven't had to a plain... you miss out on the really important stuff, like if they are kind, if they have a good heart, if they make you laugh, if you are compatible... if you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with them and be happy with that choice, if you are attracted to them and could truly forsake all others to be true to them, I think all those things matter way more to someone being special to you than just whether their pre-dating application has the virgin box checked or not.

You've lived, you already said you went to strip clubs and looked at porn and now you are a new man... should the woman of your dreams in the future refuse to commit to you because you did those things? Or should she look at the man you are today?

**ItsASecret** · 11-07-2010 03:55 PM

I have full respect for those that have their own reasons for no sex before marriage however to me no thanks, I want to test drive before I buy so to speak.

**rcoreyus** · 11-07-2010 04:25 PM

I am happy for people to lead their lives as they wish. For me though, I think it can be a mistake to elevate the importance of sex too much. It is a wonder fun thing to share with the person you love - but if you think of it as something too spiritual, the reality may be disappointing.

The practical problem with no pre-marital sex is that some couples are simply not compatible. If you look through the discussions here, you will find so many men and women who are terribly unhappy with their sex lives. No matter how much you love someone, if you simply don't enjoy the same things in bed, then you are going to have a frustrated and probably unhappy relationship.

People's desires vary so much: Some want sex every day, for others a few times a year is all they want. Some just want passionate romantic sex (Champaign, candles and music), others want to bring out the handcuffs, toys and S+M porn flicks, with maybe an occasional extra partner for a 3-some. All are absolutely fine - but people who want such different things won't be happy with each other.

Sex is a very important part of a loving relationship - without it, you just have friendship. I think it is too much of a risk to just hope that you are compatible after you have promised to spend the rest of your lives together.

**bob_smith** · 11-07-2010 05:00 PM

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

Sex is not lifes greatest joy, not to me... love is.

Ok, I was wrong. Love is life's greatest joy.

if you are attracted to them and could truly forsake all others to be true to them, I think all those things matter way more to someone being special to you than just whether their pre-dating application has the virgin box checked or not.

I never said a woman needed to be a virgin. I would be ridiculous to expect my wife to be a virgin, but respect for sex is a definite must.

You've lived, you already said you went to strip clubs and looked at porn and now you are a new man... should the woman of your dreams in the future refuse to commit to you because you did those things? Or should she look at the man you are today?

I would hope she would look at all aspects of my character and compare me to who else is out there on the marriage market.

**bob_smith** · 11-07-2010 05:05 PM

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

Sex is a very important part of a loving relationship - without it, you just have friendship. I think it is too much of a risk to just hope that you are compatible after you have promised to spend the rest of your lives together.

I always remember this quote by Katherine Hepburn when asked why she didn't break up with Spencer Tracy because he was a drunk to which she said: "how could I? I loved him."

I hope one day I will fall in love though at the rate I'm going I'm starting to be pessimistic. Anyway, if I do fall in love I would hope I would do what Katherine Hepburn did and love the person so much that you can't leave them, even if they are a drunk, or in this case, lame in bed.

Just look at Christopher Reeve's wife, you didn't see her divorce him after he became paralyzed.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 11-07-2010 06:19 PM

Soooooooooo then why are you pursuing your roommate for sex?

not because I wanted to, but because I couldn't resist

You didn't want to, you just couldn't resist? So you take away any personal responsibility for certain actions when you "can't resist"? I'm not sure that makes much sense to me. We, as humans, having the free will to think and control our actions, CAN resist anything we DON'T want. So if you didn't want to.... why'd you do it? The fact that you won't just admit you wanted to do what you did, therefore you did it..... doesn't make you any less "guilty" of doing it.

I totally respect anyones wishes to save themselves for marriage. But you seem very confused. If this is religious based, you can't sneak around from God. You can't sit around watching porn, get a bj here and there, pursue your roommate for casual sex (since she's not your idea of what you want as a wife), and then proclaim your innocence and purity to God. Can't fool Him.

**bob_smith** · 11-07-2010 06:51 PM

Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster

Soooooooooo then why are you pursuing your roommate for sex?

I don't want to have sex with her. If she just wants to cuddle and kiss that's fine with me. But I doubt I will be able to resist for longer than 3 months.

We, as humans, having the free will to think and control our actions, CAN resist anything we DON'T want.

Unlikely, just look all those people who are overweight. You think they like being fat? Here's a challenge for you, if you can resist anything, then I challenge you to go without the internet for longer than two weeks.

You can't sit around watching porn, get a bj here and there, pursue your roommate for casual sex (since she's not your idea of what you want as a wife), and then proclaim your innocence and purity to God. Can't fool Him.

I never claimed to be innocent and pure.

**rcoreyus** · 11-07-2010 07:16 PM

Almost 30 years ago I did fall in love, have been married for 25. I have no intention of leaving, but might we both have been happier married to someone who was sexually compatible?

Originally Posted by bob_smith

I hope one day I will fall in love though at the rate I'm going I'm starting to be pessimistic. Anyway, if I do fall in love I would hope I would do what Katherine Hepburn did and love the person so much that you can't leave them, even if they are a drunk, or in this case, lame in bed.
.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-07-2010 09:35 PM

If your wife or husband is merely number 13, then they are much less special than if they are number one.

Bob, no one is at all "much less special"... We all are individual, have the right to have relationships, sometimes they fail, we have the right to have a sexual relationship with those people, mostly if we don't we don't know what our compatibility will be like and will that marriage last if we are oposites?

And, off course age comes into it. Do you think my partner whom is going to be my Fiancee January 2011, cares that I have been married? Engaged before that? Had a few boyfriends before that? If he did whom would he go out with? A Divorcee that has had one partner and their marriage didn't work?

You can't speculate, you can make your own opinion based on what you believe for yourself, but you can't judge the world..

CW